As we understood him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Albany ny
Posts: 105
As we understood him
KWT..
AS I begin this journey of my recovery from Alcoholism I find my self-faced with addressing step Eight “Made a list of all person I have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them”. At the top of my list is my Daughter, who I have been estranged from for many years. Although I am very early in my recovery (forty two days) and only on step three, hovering over step four of the twelve steps. Circumstances have warranted me to begin this process with her. I attended a meeting last night where there were nine too ten young girl visiting from a rehab they all spoke very well about their recovery, and how it had helped them. During each of their stories I thought about Kiran and how much I‘ve missed out on her young life. Also in the beginning of the meeting I wrote down “Thy will, not mine, be done”. I left the meeting feeling very inspired, not only from the young ladies but also from the story the speaker told about his recovery. There was also a part of me that felt I missed an opportunity to help a friend by not bringing him with me to the meeting (my own selfish and stupid reasons). Once I arrived home I was given the message that Kiran had called wow!!! .Now step three says “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” (A higher power).I struggle with parts of this, so I have work to do. Today I attended a meeting where the topic was on step Eight. I shared with the group what my experience had been last night (as I was choking up) and how it all went down. Then an older lady shared about her recovery and how she had lost her son in the beginning of her recovery. Years later she found a letter he had written saying how proud he was of her, all the while she was looking directly at me. She ended her share by encouraging me to move forward with my amends with Kiran. There also was another lady who was visiting from Florida (Kiran lives in Florida) and shared that she was here visiting family and making her amends to them after twelve years of sobriety, she also was looking right at me. I heard or read somewhere that sometimes our higher power appears through other people.
AS I begin this journey of my recovery from Alcoholism I find my self-faced with addressing step Eight “Made a list of all person I have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them”. At the top of my list is my Daughter, who I have been estranged from for many years. Although I am very early in my recovery (forty two days) and only on step three, hovering over step four of the twelve steps. Circumstances have warranted me to begin this process with her. I attended a meeting last night where there were nine too ten young girl visiting from a rehab they all spoke very well about their recovery, and how it had helped them. During each of their stories I thought about Kiran and how much I‘ve missed out on her young life. Also in the beginning of the meeting I wrote down “Thy will, not mine, be done”. I left the meeting feeling very inspired, not only from the young ladies but also from the story the speaker told about his recovery. There was also a part of me that felt I missed an opportunity to help a friend by not bringing him with me to the meeting (my own selfish and stupid reasons). Once I arrived home I was given the message that Kiran had called wow!!! .Now step three says “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” (A higher power).I struggle with parts of this, so I have work to do. Today I attended a meeting where the topic was on step Eight. I shared with the group what my experience had been last night (as I was choking up) and how it all went down. Then an older lady shared about her recovery and how she had lost her son in the beginning of her recovery. Years later she found a letter he had written saying how proud he was of her, all the while she was looking directly at me. She ended her share by encouraging me to move forward with my amends with Kiran. There also was another lady who was visiting from Florida (Kiran lives in Florida) and shared that she was here visiting family and making her amends to them after twelve years of sobriety, she also was looking right at me. I heard or read somewhere that sometimes our higher power appears through other people.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Jeff,
Hi and welcome,
At 40 days clean i was a mess.
I was surviving, i was not fit to make any big decisions...e.g. talking to anyone about life issues.
I was very anxious and paranoid.
I hadn't told anyone i quit drinking cause i wasn't sure i could yet.
AA is not for me, for now.
I would worry about making big decisions this early in your sobriety.
Thanks.
Hi and welcome,
At 40 days clean i was a mess.
I was surviving, i was not fit to make any big decisions...e.g. talking to anyone about life issues.
I was very anxious and paranoid.
I hadn't told anyone i quit drinking cause i wasn't sure i could yet.
AA is not for me, for now.
I would worry about making big decisions this early in your sobriety.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Albany ny
Posts: 105
Thank you...I am a mess as well....54 days today on this j journey ....conversation went well with daughter, not so w well with her mom. I am still a work in progress. m THANK YOU AGAIN ...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Fleeing Temptation in PTZ
Posts: 168
I like to give you more words of encouragement.. that maybe easiest if you click on my name and read some of my other posts.
Even better would be to click on the moderators, including Dee.. he's direct and very inspirational.
We all want to read of your upcoming victories; telling us how you're fighting to WIN!
To the victor go the REWARDS!
.
.
.
Even better would be to click on the moderators, including Dee.. he's direct and very inspirational.
We all want to read of your upcoming victories; telling us how you're fighting to WIN!
To the victor go the REWARDS!
.
.
.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Jeffrey, something to think about:
I often hear that the steps are listed in number order for good reason.
We may not be ready to handle the awesome responsibility of making amends until we work the first 8 steps with our sponsors.
I have heard shared stories of how others have rushed into an amends situation and it went horribly wrong.
Have you spoken to your sponsor about your amends?
Speaking from my experience: I did not have the requisite humility to make amends, until I worked through steps 4/5 and 6/7.
So, I guess it was a good thing that I waited.
I couldn't have done it otherwise.
Often with close loved ones, like my wife and kids, living amends are more important than anything I have said or could say.
Take care.
~dox
I often hear that the steps are listed in number order for good reason.
We may not be ready to handle the awesome responsibility of making amends until we work the first 8 steps with our sponsors.
I have heard shared stories of how others have rushed into an amends situation and it went horribly wrong.
Have you spoken to your sponsor about your amends?
Speaking from my experience: I did not have the requisite humility to make amends, until I worked through steps 4/5 and 6/7.
So, I guess it was a good thing that I waited.
I couldn't have done it otherwise.
Often with close loved ones, like my wife and kids, living amends are more important than anything I have said or could say.
Take care.
~dox
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Great to meet you, Jeffrey. Congratulations on your 54 days.
I, too, was fragile in the early days of sobriety. Joining SR and reading other's thoughts and suggestions helped me find courage & strength. It takes a while, but hope and enthusiasm for the future eventually take over. It feels so good to be free.
I, too, was fragile in the early days of sobriety. Joining SR and reading other's thoughts and suggestions helped me find courage & strength. It takes a while, but hope and enthusiasm for the future eventually take over. It feels so good to be free.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Good for you Jeffry,
I can't really comment on the AA part as I have never attended a meeting. I will say that at the end of each month I sort of do a self examination of my emotional and mental state. At two months sober I really felt like I had it all together and felt great, so this was what it felt like to be "normal" again. However I was even better at three months and even better yet at four months. So I guess I'm saying I don't know when I will reach full potential maybe it gets better for ever I really don't know. So my point is really be sure your issues and you are ok so you have the best chance at exceeding with your daughter. I'm pulling for you.
I can't really comment on the AA part as I have never attended a meeting. I will say that at the end of each month I sort of do a self examination of my emotional and mental state. At two months sober I really felt like I had it all together and felt great, so this was what it felt like to be "normal" again. However I was even better at three months and even better yet at four months. So I guess I'm saying I don't know when I will reach full potential maybe it gets better for ever I really don't know. So my point is really be sure your issues and you are ok so you have the best chance at exceeding with your daughter. I'm pulling for you.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
My namesake lead me to this thread, and it has touched my heart. (In 1938/39 there was much discussion about the wording of step three while the big book was being written. The phrase "as we understood him" won.)
I think it's generally good advice to do the steps in order. But I also think there are circumstances where this is not always the best path. Doctor Bob made many of his amends on the very first day of his sobriety (now refereed to as founders day). Whatever you do I would strongly suggest that you run the plan for making amends to Kiran past your sponsor (I'm assuming you have one). If you feel compelled to make an amends to her very quickly, run the idea of making an amends ( out of order with regard to the steps) past your sponsor. Have a plan in place for how you want to make those amends when you speak with him. Listen very carefully to his ideas before you decide what is the right thing to do. The Journey is yours my friend, but the direction in which the guide points can be very important.
Your daughters phone call to you, at the same time you were attending that meeting which touched you so deeply is VERY significant IMO
Synchronicities are a way the universe has of telling us that things are connected, and not just connected but connected in a meaningful way. Sometimes these coincidences are so meaningful and so beyond chance that they are impossible to ignore.
I think it's generally good advice to do the steps in order. But I also think there are circumstances where this is not always the best path. Doctor Bob made many of his amends on the very first day of his sobriety (now refereed to as founders day). Whatever you do I would strongly suggest that you run the plan for making amends to Kiran past your sponsor (I'm assuming you have one). If you feel compelled to make an amends to her very quickly, run the idea of making an amends ( out of order with regard to the steps) past your sponsor. Have a plan in place for how you want to make those amends when you speak with him. Listen very carefully to his ideas before you decide what is the right thing to do. The Journey is yours my friend, but the direction in which the guide points can be very important.
Your daughters phone call to you, at the same time you were attending that meeting which touched you so deeply is VERY significant IMO
Synchronicities are a way the universe has of telling us that things are connected, and not just connected but connected in a meaningful way. Sometimes these coincidences are so meaningful and so beyond chance that they are impossible to ignore.
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