Private3

So last night I texted my husband to please come home after golf to do things around the house. I didn't hear from him till he called me from the police department at 5am.
Long story short... He got a dui and possession of cocaine. I'm sure he'll find a way to lie but can't lie anymore. What's next?
I'm hoping he agree to get help when I pick him up ... Something I'd never thought I'd be dealing with 😞

Ann

I'm sorry, this must be a sad time for you.

Sometimes having consequences can be just what they need to rethink their life....sometimes not.

I hope this is his wakeup call, I really do.

Hugs

Private3

I hope it's a wake up call too. It's just sad that when people do this, it affects everyone and they are being so selfish not thinking about the others it affects.
I didn't even cry. I'm sure I will one day, maybe today. I just can't believe I'm dealing with this while trying to put on a smile for children.

Hechosedrugs

What's next? That's entirely your decision. You're in a unique position right now- you're holding all the cards. I realize you're hoping this will be his bottom, but what if it's not?

If you were to file for divorce and sole custody of your child right now, there is a 99.99999% chance you'd get it.

If you wait for years, holding out hope that he will recover, you might be in the same position as I am right now. Joint custody with an addict. He sees them almost half the time. I haven't been able to prove he's using. If I'd gotten out when his addiction was front and center and there was proof he'd almost killed my kid, would I be in this situation I'm in now? No. I chose to take the lesser odds, the odds of him recovering and our family coming out of this stronger than ever. And we all suffered and are still suffering from that decision.

So just know that by choosing to stay, you're forfeiting that upper hand that you may need later on. Courts only look back so far. And I really think I trained my ex to become a master at hiding his addiction. All of these years of hiding it from me made hiding it from the courts a cinch.

Good luck to you.

Private3

This really hit home. I was thinking about this before I wrote to all of you on here... Mapping out in my head a timeline, giving him stipulations, and trying to be optimistic but I understand that this isn't easy thing to just up and quit... i gave him in my head which is what I've been thinking now for the past two months. Next year, we will see... Am I being too hopeful? How does one get over the lies that you questioned the response on before but now you know they were really lies.... How do you move on from that when it was said by someone you love? I know I could move on from this marriage and maybe end up happy single or happily with someone else and all year I've contemplated this because this life we now have together wasn't what I want... But I was holding it together for the kids to mask what was going on and because I loved him and thought he'd stop. 😑
Maybe I should always listen to my intuition and stop thinking I'm just being overly dramatic or setting my standards too high.