quercusalba

Hello, my name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic. I have been trying to quit drinking for a few months now by myself; two weeks ago, though, I started going to AA. I feel that AA is the best and perhaps only way that I can recover. I was sober for two weeks, but decided last night to drink. I lied to myself, saying that it was ok, that I just wanted to feel good... and, of course, I ended up feeling terrible, just the opposite of what I'd hoped to feel. I feel like a loser and a complete jerk now. I am having a difficult time focusing on my work because I feel so rotten.

I am hoping that there are others out there who have relapsed and then gone on to recovery... and also, how do you "get over" a relapse? I want to stop drinking so badly, I want to recover and never drink again. I hate alcohol, I hate it for what it has done to my life. I cannot bear to lose the good things in my life to hateful alcohol. Please help me, someone, please give me words of encouragement or advice - anything!

Thank you.
--Anne

Anna

Hi Anne,

Welcome to SR. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and you'll find lots of support here. I hate alcohol too and what it did to me. But, you can regain control of your life. It's hard to not beat yourself up over a relapse, I know, I did it many times. But, you'll find that feeling so badly about relapsing will be likely to lead you back to drinking again. Just learn from your mistake and move on. Hang around here for lots of encouragement.

Love, Anna

quercusalba

Thank you, Anna. Thank you. I will stick around... I need and welcome the your support and the support this group can give me.

I love your Maya Angelou quote; I will let that be my inspiration for the day.

Again, thank you. I'm having a really hard time right now, so your words of hope come at a critical moment.

--anne

Dan

Welcome Anne.
I'm Dan, an addict in recovery. Alcohol was my favorite poison for a lot of years.
I found a way earlier this year to leave it behind. When I arrived here, Anna, among others, took me in and continue to be part of my recovery on a daily basis.
Glad you're here.

Jules

Hi Anne,

I am new to SR, in fact I only found it the day before yesterday.

I am sober 7 days today, this day last week I was put into Detox which I am really happy about now.

I have drank every night for 16 years and only have 7 days sober.

Hang in there Anne and start again today as day one. You only drank for one night it could have been a lot worse. You are looking for help, be proud of yourself.

I am finding it difficult enough but I am taking one hour at a time. I have to for the moment and if it works for me great. I loathe acohold and what it has done to my life, it is not too late for either of us to become the loving selfless people we used to be.

Stay in touch and I am thinking of you.

Please try not to drink today and tomorrow will be day 2 sober - I know you can do it.


Hugs & Faith,

Julie

Parky-uk

Hi there Anna, pull up a chair, theres plently of help here as I recently found as I myself are a also a recovering addict in the early stages yet again...

As a long time "binge" drinker ive been in & out of recovery more times than I want to think about, it happens, its all part of the same thing, having a downer on yourself is OK, a good talking to yourself may help but, if you feel like it carry on and then leave it be, its done, its over, move on...

The most important thing I tink is to not lie to yourself. Addicts are great liars, well they think they are, infact its almost compulsive. Try to see the lie, cut it short, so something else, go to bed, read, surf the net.. anything but take poison! Whats the big idea? Not a smart one but its not yor idea, its put there by the disease we have.

You said yourself you "decided" to try that drink, your free choice? Not really, its another lie. Its like, is it your choice to sleep or go to work? Not really, but we all have to sometime. Thing is you do not have to drink, you can live without it , unlike the previous examples. In fact life is even better without it. Theres so much more you can do, you try hard and you'll see.

Maybe you's like to check out my recent post in the "general recovery" room, you'll find with my nick by the side. I hope it helps in some small way.

Hang in there & take it easy
Dean

melissaealy

hi ann,
im not a ah but my husband is.although he quiet for almost 2 years it has started all over again.the differences between you and him is you seem to care and he dosent.i have been going through hell right along with him for 11 years and it is really killing me not to mention his self.dont let the devil fool you because he is the one that puts bad stuff in our mind.i have had thoughts of killing myself at times cause sometimes i fell like theirs no other way out and then i pray and ask god to help me through this.i suppose he gives me more strength then i dont often realise.i wish you luck and i believe you can do it because you do seem to really care whats going on.

Hadenuff

Hi Anna,
try not to beat youself up over it. Just start over. if you havn't already get some phone numbers of women in AA. When you feel like taking that drink, give them a call first. don't think you'll be bothering anyone cause it helps them to to help someone get another day sober. And the phone stuff works, it really does. Just talking to another alcoholic, first time I picked up that phone when I was so close to drinking and I got strength to hang in, I was amazed how it worked like people told me it would. Even try calling the AA hotline number that can be gotten out of the phone book.
You'll be alright, don't give up. hang out here, ya feel like drinking write a thread about it. We been there, we just stay sober one day at a time.
hang in there
H

Parky-uk

Melissa,

Im a recovering addict & I feel for your, really I do. No-one deserves to live with an addict, it must be hell. Myself ive lost important real relationships. Sure at the time it was angry, depressed and it didnt seem to help me. But then why should it? I realise now why they left, wife & daughter and more recently somone else very special. They all just walked away like they never cared. Well they did, but only for the real me, not the drinking one> they never fell in love with that guy for he isnt a nice person at all.
You may not like this but i have to say, in my opinion you should do as they did and just walk away. It may seem impossible, it may seem wrong it may seem cruel. I dont know you but from your post you seem too close to the edge for comfort. You deserve better. Dont tell me you have nowhere to go. My last girlfriend was from Holland, I brought her to live withe me in the UK. She gave up all she had in her own country, her house, her possessions everything. She had literally nothing to go back to but all the same she did. What hell must I have created? I was never even aggresive, it dont affect me that way thankfully. She now has a happy life and is well settled again, it just took some time and determination on her part. We now have contact and try to stay good friends. A valuable lesson learned.

I urge you though, dont do what they all did and find another guy to "take you away" from it all. If you ever had any feelings for your husband at least allow him some respect. he is already in a world of pain even though he may not show it.
He is in his own dark place. You dont have to sit in the dark.

Just my opinion, take it eas & be brave.
Dean

quercusalba

I can't thank you all enough for coming through for me at a time when I really, really need it. THANK YOU!!! I will keep my chin up and start again now, today. And I will follow the advice given herein - I will pick up the phone instead of a drink. I will not let this demon alcohol have its way with me. Thank you all for sharing. Thank you for being here for me and for one another.

Melissa - please don't give up. You are a worthy human being. I am so sorry for your loss with regard to your husband. Right now, you need to take care of *you*, even if it does mean leaving him. You can't make him stop; he can only stop if he chooses to regain his path to recovery. I know of what I speak because I'm trying to stay on that path myself; I can't do it for anyone else but me. Meanwhile, as I said, you must take care of yourself. You are worth it. My heart goes out to you.

--anne

melissaealy

ive left before and he will not leaeve me alone.its the same broken promises all the time.i guess im stupied for letting him be mean to me.i just wish he would get better but i dont really believe he ever will.

Parky-uk

Looks to me like you need support of someone close, do you have friends or family nearby?

If things dont change they stay the same.

You and only you can make that change but maybe not on your own. At least youre here but I think you need someone closer, a real person now.

Keep your head at all times especially the hardest ones and the world can be yours.

MootPoint

Hi Anne,

I'm Ann, recovering alcoholic and addict

There ya go!. Excellent way to begin! Now, next time you feel like drinking, read it again!

Excellent plan! A phone can be tough to pick up, but its much more satisfying and easier to put down when you're done

There's a book at my AA meetings, and probably yours, called "Living Sober" that really helped me.

MootPoint

Melissa,

You need to take care of YOU. Have you gone to our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum where you can talk about Al Anon? That'd be a great place for you to get help.

You need to learn to take care of YOU in this equation. Remember..... an alcoholic who doesn't want to recover for himself or herself will not recover. You can't force him to change. You are the only person you can change!

2dayzmuse

(((Anne)))

Welcome...I understand your disappointment and frustration in relapsing. I also understand your hatred towards alcohol. Alcohol has effected my life tremendously. That hatred has lead me to recovery and living one day at a time. Take the lessons learned with you and move forward into recovery. You can become successful in sobriety, by using the tools you have aquired. Good luck...

LeAnne

heathernk

Well, this post comes kind of late but I wanted to give you some encouragement. I have over seven years clean, but in the beginning I relapsed twice. It was important for me to look at the relapses and figure out where I had gone wrong. For me it was an old using friend and I had to make the decision not to be around her anymore. You can do this. Go to meetings and keep posting here. There are a lot of people you don't even know that care about you.

melissaealy

the only real support i have is here in our group of friends.i do hope things change soon but i dout it.

terry b

Ann, I Too Have Had Several Relapses During The Two Months That I Have Been In A.a. I Am Also Seeing A Therapist. Even With That, Alcohol Has Such A Strong Hold On Us We Have To Accept That We Are Powerless Over It. Just Keep Going Back To A.a. Don't Quit. This Is What I Am Trying To Do. Sooner Or Later We Will "get It" I Hope. Just Keep Going Back.