Finally trying to quit. Please help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
Finally trying to quit. Please help.
I am 24 years old, and have a 2 year old and 4 month old. I don't have many friends but I'm kind of shy and don't socialize well (without alcohol). I'm a freelance writer and stay at home mom so I am really isolated, and have the opportunity to drink whenever I want.
I started drinking very occasionally at 14. By 19 I was blacking out and day drinking every weekend. I ended up with severe postpartum depression after the birth of my first son and everything hit the fan. My doctor put me on every medication under the sun, I was drinking two bottles of wine a night, and smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes in one evening.
I got sober while pregnant and thought I had finally kicked this demon but when my son was 6 weeks I picked it right back up. Right now I binge drink every other night. I don't know how to stop or what I would do if I did stop! I am so depressed that it's the only thing I have found that truly makes me happy and I feel like I'm going through a rough breakup in a way. I want to quit drinking so badly. But I don't know what to do to start quitting. I've tried so many times before and it's never worked.
I'm worried for my health, worried that my kids will grow up with an alcoholic mom, my husband (who is a recovered heroin addict but now uses adderall so I think he swapped addictions. It's prescribed, I disagree with the prescription, but I digress) is getting increasingly angry at me.
I don't know what I'm really asking for here. How do I "start stopping"?
I started drinking very occasionally at 14. By 19 I was blacking out and day drinking every weekend. I ended up with severe postpartum depression after the birth of my first son and everything hit the fan. My doctor put me on every medication under the sun, I was drinking two bottles of wine a night, and smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes in one evening.
I got sober while pregnant and thought I had finally kicked this demon but when my son was 6 weeks I picked it right back up. Right now I binge drink every other night. I don't know how to stop or what I would do if I did stop! I am so depressed that it's the only thing I have found that truly makes me happy and I feel like I'm going through a rough breakup in a way. I want to quit drinking so badly. But I don't know what to do to start quitting. I've tried so many times before and it's never worked.
I'm worried for my health, worried that my kids will grow up with an alcoholic mom, my husband (who is a recovered heroin addict but now uses adderall so I think he swapped addictions. It's prescribed, I disagree with the prescription, but I digress) is getting increasingly angry at me.
I don't know what I'm really asking for here. How do I "start stopping"?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
First of all, welcome - and you are so not alone.
The first step is really really wanting to stop. I can't quote it but others here put it best - when you desperately want to stop more than you desperately want to drink.
You outlined the case for stopping very well. 2 very young children with two substance dependant parents. The damage you do to yourself. The way you feel. It can all end.
As Dee (moderator) or others here will gladly tell you and give you links - you need a plan.
But in your shape, I am somewhat concerned about you detoxing by yourself. I am also the mother of two small kids, and I went to my doctor to help me with the detox. I am so glad I came clean to him, and he was a massive help.
Yes, the first few days especially day one are hard. But as you go a day in between your binges perhaps a day 1 won't be that hard. It's getting a day 2, day 3 etc...
You need support. You have us here. You need a plan to stop, and then a plan to stay sober. The plan is ongoing.
You have remarkable courage for coming here and asking for help.
SR people are around day and night.. If you are pledging your first day, then stay around, post often, and let us talk you through your journey to sobriety.
Getting sober is the best thing I ever did for myself or my kids. If I can do it, I honestly believe anyone can. Welcome againn
The first step is really really wanting to stop. I can't quote it but others here put it best - when you desperately want to stop more than you desperately want to drink.
You outlined the case for stopping very well. 2 very young children with two substance dependant parents. The damage you do to yourself. The way you feel. It can all end.
As Dee (moderator) or others here will gladly tell you and give you links - you need a plan.
But in your shape, I am somewhat concerned about you detoxing by yourself. I am also the mother of two small kids, and I went to my doctor to help me with the detox. I am so glad I came clean to him, and he was a massive help.
Yes, the first few days especially day one are hard. But as you go a day in between your binges perhaps a day 1 won't be that hard. It's getting a day 2, day 3 etc...
You need support. You have us here. You need a plan to stop, and then a plan to stay sober. The plan is ongoing.
You have remarkable courage for coming here and asking for help.
SR people are around day and night.. If you are pledging your first day, then stay around, post often, and let us talk you through your journey to sobriety.
Getting sober is the best thing I ever did for myself or my kids. If I can do it, I honestly believe anyone can. Welcome againn
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Can you quit just for today? That's how we all started. Just that one simple thing. Anything else can seem just too overwhelming. So start there. And check back in with us. There's always someone around here who wants to help 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I had to work a long time to step over that line to sobriety.
I knew after a lot of work and I was just lingering with moderate drinking, that I could do it... my mind was just stuck on not stopping. I was previously a very heavy, dependent round the clock drinker and had detoxed multiple times.
My advice, along with a plan is start to get really honest and get as much outside support as possible. I go to an addictions counselor and she has been life changing. One of the things she said to me is that when my binging was ramping up, it was possible that child services may have to become involved. When kids are living in a household with two using parents, it becomes a danger to them. What if something were to happen?
Now, this is both a very important statement for stopping. And a weak one for staying stopped because rarely do we stay sober for someone else.
My suggestion would be to get help NOW to stop for the sake and safety of the kids. And then throw yourself whole-heartedly into an action recovery plan with tons of support. Do this for you, because you will not regret it, you deserve it.
I am not saying this with judgment. I am a mom of 3 who only has one child in my care now. I am lucky that I didn't have my kids removed by child protective services. I am lucky that I wasn't thrown in jail. It's a cautionary statement. I had one friend who could not rationalize putting the drink down every 3 or so, and was reported for driving drunk with her child and the police were involved as were child protective services. I also deal with a lot of mothers in my day program who are dealing with those same things. Court dates, jail time, children in foster care. We all have the potential to be there. I was on the verge of all of it for a long time, and I have been dealing with court over my two oldest kids for the past year.
The very best thing you can do for your kids and for yourself is get help right now. I agree, talking to your doctor first is a great first step. That is what I did. You are not alone. I am definitely in your corner. I don't EVER want to see anyone go through what I am going through or what I have seen and heard so many other parents go through. I thought in all my days of drinking, that could not happen to me. I would not let myself get that bad. I rationalized and hid a lot of bad things for a very long time.
You CAN do this. And we are all here for you
I knew after a lot of work and I was just lingering with moderate drinking, that I could do it... my mind was just stuck on not stopping. I was previously a very heavy, dependent round the clock drinker and had detoxed multiple times.
My advice, along with a plan is start to get really honest and get as much outside support as possible. I go to an addictions counselor and she has been life changing. One of the things she said to me is that when my binging was ramping up, it was possible that child services may have to become involved. When kids are living in a household with two using parents, it becomes a danger to them. What if something were to happen?
Now, this is both a very important statement for stopping. And a weak one for staying stopped because rarely do we stay sober for someone else.
My suggestion would be to get help NOW to stop for the sake and safety of the kids. And then throw yourself whole-heartedly into an action recovery plan with tons of support. Do this for you, because you will not regret it, you deserve it.
I am not saying this with judgment. I am a mom of 3 who only has one child in my care now. I am lucky that I didn't have my kids removed by child protective services. I am lucky that I wasn't thrown in jail. It's a cautionary statement. I had one friend who could not rationalize putting the drink down every 3 or so, and was reported for driving drunk with her child and the police were involved as were child protective services. I also deal with a lot of mothers in my day program who are dealing with those same things. Court dates, jail time, children in foster care. We all have the potential to be there. I was on the verge of all of it for a long time, and I have been dealing with court over my two oldest kids for the past year.
The very best thing you can do for your kids and for yourself is get help right now. I agree, talking to your doctor first is a great first step. That is what I did. You are not alone. I am definitely in your corner. I don't EVER want to see anyone go through what I am going through or what I have seen and heard so many other parents go through. I thought in all my days of drinking, that could not happen to me. I would not let myself get that bad. I rationalized and hid a lot of bad things for a very long time.
You CAN do this. And we are all here for you
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Three,
Quitting for your kids is a great reason.
I drank all through my first 2 kids until they were moved out...long story.
I stopped on my 3rd kid. He was 11 when I quit .
I have since explained all I can about the dangers of booze to him.
My Dad actually used to let me get drunk at 5 years old. Sad I know....
So, we all usually need a reason. Mine was because of a huge physical break down.
I am still a bit jacked up from 45 years of off and on drinking.
But, I am turning into a physical fitness specimen now. I work out around 5 to 6 days a week.
It will take a few more years, but I see the changes as does everyone else.
Get clean. Change your life a bit. Stay clean.
Quitting for your kids is a great reason.
I drank all through my first 2 kids until they were moved out...long story.
I stopped on my 3rd kid. He was 11 when I quit .
I have since explained all I can about the dangers of booze to him.
My Dad actually used to let me get drunk at 5 years old. Sad I know....
So, we all usually need a reason. Mine was because of a huge physical break down.
I am still a bit jacked up from 45 years of off and on drinking.
But, I am turning into a physical fitness specimen now. I work out around 5 to 6 days a week.
It will take a few more years, but I see the changes as does everyone else.
Get clean. Change your life a bit. Stay clean.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Alcohol is a depressant and your depression will have little chance of clearing up as long as you're drinking. Once you begin recovery, hopefully you will find that your depression will lift. If not, that is probably a good time to talk to your dr about it.
And, how do you stop? As others have said, just don't drink today. Get rid of alcohol in the house and don't buy anymore. It's a good idea to make a plan to help you get through the tough times. Have faith that you can do this and you can be the person you want to be.
And, how do you stop? As others have said, just don't drink today. Get rid of alcohol in the house and don't buy anymore. It's a good idea to make a plan to help you get through the tough times. Have faith that you can do this and you can be the person you want to be.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome threefold - lots of good advice here already 
why not check out our Class of October support thread - its for everyone quitting this month - all you need to do to join is post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-6.html
D
why not check out our Class of October support thread - its for everyone quitting this month - all you need to do to join is post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-6.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
Messed up
How many times do you mess up? I messed up again and am hating myself. I've been crying for hours and my husband is fed up with me. I missed the meeting I was supposed to go to yesterday. I hate HATE myself right now. I literally hate myself. I'm. It suicidal but I wish I wasn't in existence (if that makes sense. I don't want to kill myself) I just hate myself for ever touching that first drink and now I can't stop
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Three,
I understand. I relapsed 100s of times. I wasn't aware I was relapsing. I was doing great...drinking a few times a month. This made the withdrawals worse and worse.
Eventually, I had a few panic attacks/hypoglycemia attacks that scared me enough to really try and quit.
The anxiety after I quit was hell on earth for many months.
Learning to live sober is still a challange, but one I want.
Get clean.
Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink...it is hard to get over the physical addiction.
Since you drank, the clock resets. It will about a week or so to clean up.
Eat when you crave. Sugary stuff tricks the brain.
My wife would avoid me sometimes when I was drinking.
She routinely now gets close to me when i am in my man cave.....to smell me.
I don't blame her. She expects me to relapse I am sure.
Keep checking in. We are willing to try to help you.
I understand. I relapsed 100s of times. I wasn't aware I was relapsing. I was doing great...drinking a few times a month. This made the withdrawals worse and worse.
Eventually, I had a few panic attacks/hypoglycemia attacks that scared me enough to really try and quit.
The anxiety after I quit was hell on earth for many months.
Learning to live sober is still a challange, but one I want.
Get clean.
Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink...it is hard to get over the physical addiction.
Since you drank, the clock resets. It will about a week or so to clean up.
Eat when you crave. Sugary stuff tricks the brain.
My wife would avoid me sometimes when I was drinking.
She routinely now gets close to me when i am in my man cave.....to smell me.
I don't blame her. She expects me to relapse I am sure.
Keep checking in. We are willing to try to help you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by D122y 
Three,
I understand. I relapsed 100s of times. I wasn't aware I was relapsing. I was doing great...drinking a few times a month. This made the withdrawals worse and worse.
Eventually, I had a few panic attacks/hypoglycemia attacks that scared me enough to really try and quit.
The anxiety after I quit was hell on earth for many months.
Learning to live sober is still a challange, but one I want.
Get clean.
Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink...it is hard to get over the physical addiction.
Since you drank, the clock resets. It will about a week or so to clean up.
Eat when you crave. Sugary stuff tricks the brain.
My wife would avoid me sometimes when I was drinking.
She routinely now gets close to me when i am in my man cave.....to smell me.
I don't blame her. She expects me to relapse I am sure.
Keep checking in. We are willing to try to help you.
I understand. I relapsed 100s of times. I wasn't aware I was relapsing. I was doing great...drinking a few times a month. This made the withdrawals worse and worse.
Eventually, I had a few panic attacks/hypoglycemia attacks that scared me enough to really try and quit.
The anxiety after I quit was hell on earth for many months.
Learning to live sober is still a challange, but one I want.
Get clean.
Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink...it is hard to get over the physical addiction.
Since you drank, the clock resets. It will about a week or so to clean up.
Eat when you crave. Sugary stuff tricks the brain.
My wife would avoid me sometimes when I was drinking.
She routinely now gets close to me when i am in my man cave.....to smell me.
I don't blame her. She expects me to relapse I am sure.
Keep checking in. We are willing to try to help you.
I'm trying!!! I've been on the phone since 2am and no one will take me and my 4 month old. I can't do this anymore I don't want to be here anymore no one can help me because I refuse to leave my son I'm so depressed and upset I can't do this anymore. I want help so badly but I just can't leave my baby
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by D122y
Three,
I understand. I relapsed 100s of times. I wasn't aware I was relapsing. I was doing great...drinking a few times a month. This made the withdrawals worse and worse.
Eventually, I had a few panic attacks/hypoglycemia attacks that scared me enough to really try and quit.
The anxiety after I quit was hell on earth for many months.
Learning to live sober is still a challange, but one I want.
Get clean.
Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink...it is hard to get over the physical addiction.
Since you drank, the clock resets. It will about a week or so to clean up.
Eat when you crave. Sugary stuff tricks the brain.
My wife would avoid me sometimes when I was drinking.
She routinely now gets close to me when i am in my man cave.....to smell me.
I don't blame her. She expects me to relapse I am sure.
Keep checking in. We are willing to try to help you.
I understand. I relapsed 100s of times. I wasn't aware I was relapsing. I was doing great...drinking a few times a month. This made the withdrawals worse and worse.
Eventually, I had a few panic attacks/hypoglycemia attacks that scared me enough to really try and quit.
The anxiety after I quit was hell on earth for many months.
Learning to live sober is still a challange, but one I want.
Get clean.
Until you want to be sober more than you want to drink...it is hard to get over the physical addiction.
Since you drank, the clock resets. It will about a week or so to clean up.
Eat when you crave. Sugary stuff tricks the brain.
My wife would avoid me sometimes when I was drinking.
She routinely now gets close to me when i am in my man cave.....to smell me.
I don't blame her. She expects me to relapse I am sure.
Keep checking in. We are willing to try to help you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Three,
This is absolutely possible on your own, a lot here have done it and are doing it (myself being one of those).
It starts with truly deciding to stop and not having that first drink at any cost. You can build a plan that will help you do that, but once your body goes through detox and your head clears up a bit you will be in a much better position to build a long term plan (seems like this first stage takes 1-2 weeks, but it varies).
Post here as much as you need, pm people for advice, join the October class, the weekender thread and this place can really make a difference. It surely has for me.
But I can't stress enough how important it is to truly make the decision to stop. No maybes, no what ifs, it just has to happen.
You can do this and we're right there with you.
P
This is absolutely possible on your own, a lot here have done it and are doing it (myself being one of those).
It starts with truly deciding to stop and not having that first drink at any cost. You can build a plan that will help you do that, but once your body goes through detox and your head clears up a bit you will be in a much better position to build a long term plan (seems like this first stage takes 1-2 weeks, but it varies).
Post here as much as you need, pm people for advice, join the October class, the weekender thread and this place can really make a difference. It surely has for me.
But I can't stress enough how important it is to truly make the decision to stop. No maybes, no what ifs, it just has to happen.
You can do this and we're right there with you.
P
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Yes, you can do it on your own, if you are motivated. There is no magic about treatment facilities or inpatient treatment. Of course there are tools that can be learned in such places, but you can learn those tools in other ways. Read here on SR, take a look at our Book List in the Newcomers forum sticky area. There are so many good books to guide your recovery. Have you considered AA or AVRT? Have faith that you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it may be time to reconsider going to rehab without your child, who you yourself said ,"worried that my kids will grow up with an alcoholic mom."
personally I think both you and your children deserve and are worth it.
personally I think both you and your children deserve and are worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
I had my first meeting with and addictions counselor today. I have another one tomorrow and the next day. My husband and I are going to do their marriage therapy as well to help. And then I am doing group meetings for addicted women Who have experience trauma every Thursday. So this place seems great. He told me and my husband for the next 24 hours just watch for tremors and try to eat foods that I like, take a bath, watch a movie, and light some candles that smell good to distract my brain. Then tomorrow he's going to give me more tools to get through the next 24 hours and so on and so forth. He also gave me their crisis line number in case I want to drink and the number for AA
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