Why can't I and how can they?
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Why can't I and how can they?
Have a friend that just had a girls week-end to the Biltmore Estate here in beautiful N.C. Famous for it's wineries and around 10 of them went. Absolutely beautiful fall weather and they post all the fun looking pictures holding their wine glasses up all through the day. How can they drink like that and not mis-behave and then not feel like crap the next day? Why can't I be like that? But maybe some of them are more like me than I know and they just don't post those pictures? I don't know, but it WAS my dream to be able to drink like that. But my REALITY is not like that!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Wanting to drink "normally" and romantizing alcohol has been your stumbling block. I get the sense you feel deprived and that sobriety is a punishment. All I can tell you is it's not. Being freed of my addiction to alcohol has been a blessing. I can now be around drinking and it doesn't bother me. Oh sure, the thought passes through my head, "I drank like that once..." But the reality is that kind of drinking was an illusion, even back then. Alcohol had me in its grip from the beginning.
But now I'm free.
Wishing you the same.
But now I'm free.
Wishing you the same.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's called addiction sunshine, and it's something we have to simply accept unfortunately. But you are correct...some of them might be "like you" too and suffering as well.
When you say that you saw the posts, I'm assuming you mean that you saw them posting photos on some kind of social media like Facebook? Keep in mind that social media is merely a snapshot in time and not always a true representation of what others are doing. Most people aren't going to post about their hangover, how much money they wasted on drinking or any of the other bad things that happen. I'd also suggest that it might be a good idea to simply not "follow" people who are posting about drinking....you don'd drink anymore so you really don't need that extra temptation.
Another good thing to remember is that it's 100% possible to enjoy a beautiful fall weekend ( or any time of the year ) without alcohol. There are a myriad of things to do that don't involve drinking.
When you say that you saw the posts, I'm assuming you mean that you saw them posting photos on some kind of social media like Facebook? Keep in mind that social media is merely a snapshot in time and not always a true representation of what others are doing. Most people aren't going to post about their hangover, how much money they wasted on drinking or any of the other bad things that happen. I'd also suggest that it might be a good idea to simply not "follow" people who are posting about drinking....you don'd drink anymore so you really don't need that extra temptation.
Another good thing to remember is that it's 100% possible to enjoy a beautiful fall weekend ( or any time of the year ) without alcohol. There are a myriad of things to do that don't involve drinking.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Got to agree with DGC - once we see this as an opportunity at a new way of life and not as punishment things really do become much easier - spent a good chunk of the last 11 months with a huge fear of missing out and wanting to be joining in the "fun" - not now I've accepted that isn't going to happen and there's no point dwelling on it - we really do need to accept that and let it go and get on with enjoying this new way of life - the future is yours so make the most of it - in reality we're really missing very little - chances are if like me you wouldn't remember much after the first couple of hours of it anyway and that's not going to change anytime soon.
Nowadays when I hear people moaning on a Monday morning like I used to after being out all weekend thinking I bet they wish they felt as good as I do - anything like our weekends of old and I bet virtually all of them who went away are feeling pretty rough right now and wishing the next couple of days away.
So much more to life than drinking - we've done enough of that and it didn't really do us any good did it.
Nowadays when I hear people moaning on a Monday morning like I used to after being out all weekend thinking I bet they wish they felt as good as I do - anything like our weekends of old and I bet virtually all of them who went away are feeling pretty rough right now and wishing the next couple of days away.
So much more to life than drinking - we've done enough of that and it didn't really do us any good did it.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Sunshine,
I get those feelings too, especially when social media (or any other media) glamorizes drinking. However, I now only remember how something clicks in my mind after that first taste of booze....how to get more! It's not fun, pretty, social, or glamorous. For addicts it's not about the fun and fellowship with others while enjoying a glass of wine, it's about getting messed up and where in the heck in that waiter?
The last time I tried to be a social drinker, I had lunch with a friend and a glass of wine. The entire time, all I could think about was getting more wine. She left a sip in her glass, and I was tempted to reach over the table and finish it for her.....How fun is that???
It's all a mirage.
I get those feelings too, especially when social media (or any other media) glamorizes drinking. However, I now only remember how something clicks in my mind after that first taste of booze....how to get more! It's not fun, pretty, social, or glamorous. For addicts it's not about the fun and fellowship with others while enjoying a glass of wine, it's about getting messed up and where in the heck in that waiter?
The last time I tried to be a social drinker, I had lunch with a friend and a glass of wine. The entire time, all I could think about was getting more wine. She left a sip in her glass, and I was tempted to reach over the table and finish it for her.....How fun is that???
It's all a mirage.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
My mother in law was with us this past week. We had set some rules around drinking in our house ( we dont allow it, we have an alcohol/drug free home).
Now keep in mind she is forever posting about how much fun she is having sharing cocktails with her friends back home where she is from.
You would never be able to guess that this is the same person who wass desperately looking for ways to get her drink on while she was here. calling out to long lost friends and other relatives to get out of here and away from us so she could drink. I swear she went out to her car 10-20 times a day for 'things she forgot' filling her water bottle. It was so sad!
Things arent always as they appear my friend, I guess thats my point.
The other thing is that Im sure your feelings of being different, missing out on fun and etc is pretty normal. I mean if you were diagnosed with say some other illness, you might feel like hey this isnt fair!! I have this illness, Im sick, Im losing my hair, my body is different and others are NOT going through this!
( insert stomping foot!!). I suppose its about acceptance that we are different from others and there isnt really a rational reason this has happened to us, it just is what it is. Once I got to a place of acceptance with my alcoholism, it doesnt bother me as much to know others can partake and I cant. I do at times miss the INITIAL bzz I used to get from the first couple drinks, but I DO NOT miss anything after that. Ugh, no way no how do I ever want to feel that way again.
Best wishes to you dear.
Now keep in mind she is forever posting about how much fun she is having sharing cocktails with her friends back home where she is from.
You would never be able to guess that this is the same person who wass desperately looking for ways to get her drink on while she was here. calling out to long lost friends and other relatives to get out of here and away from us so she could drink. I swear she went out to her car 10-20 times a day for 'things she forgot' filling her water bottle. It was so sad!
Things arent always as they appear my friend, I guess thats my point.
The other thing is that Im sure your feelings of being different, missing out on fun and etc is pretty normal. I mean if you were diagnosed with say some other illness, you might feel like hey this isnt fair!! I have this illness, Im sick, Im losing my hair, my body is different and others are NOT going through this!
( insert stomping foot!!). I suppose its about acceptance that we are different from others and there isnt really a rational reason this has happened to us, it just is what it is. Once I got to a place of acceptance with my alcoholism, it doesnt bother me as much to know others can partake and I cant. I do at times miss the INITIAL bzz I used to get from the first couple drinks, but I DO NOT miss anything after that. Ugh, no way no how do I ever want to feel that way again.
Best wishes to you dear.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
[QUOTE=wildflower70;6168229]Sunshine,
I get those feelings too, especially when social media (or any other media) glamorizes drinking. However, I now only remember how something clicks in my mind after that first taste of booze....how to get more! It's not fun, pretty, social, or glamorous. For addicts it's not about the fun and fellowship with others while enjoying a glass of wine, it's about getting messed up and where in the heck in that waiter?
The last time I tried to be a social drinker, I had lunch with a friend and a glass of wine. The entire time, all I could think about was getting more wine. She left a sip in her glass, and I was tempted to reach over the table and finish it for her.....How fun is that???
It's all a mirage.[/QUOTE
Describes me perfectly!
I get those feelings too, especially when social media (or any other media) glamorizes drinking. However, I now only remember how something clicks in my mind after that first taste of booze....how to get more! It's not fun, pretty, social, or glamorous. For addicts it's not about the fun and fellowship with others while enjoying a glass of wine, it's about getting messed up and where in the heck in that waiter?
The last time I tried to be a social drinker, I had lunch with a friend and a glass of wine. The entire time, all I could think about was getting more wine. She left a sip in her glass, and I was tempted to reach over the table and finish it for her.....How fun is that???
It's all a mirage.[/QUOTE
Describes me perfectly!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
If you could drink like people who don't have a problem with it, then drinking wouldn't be all that important to you.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Acceptance of the cards I was dealt in life was part of my Sober foundation, we can't keep trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and getting nowhere, round and round in circles I went for a long time!!
When I gave up trying, life got a whole lot easier!!
When I gave up trying, life got a whole lot easier!!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
If you could drink like people who don't have a problem with it, then drinking wouldn't be all that important to you.
On holiday just over a weeks ago one of the girls in our group TWICE slipped herself an extra glass of wine while on her way back from the loo over and above the orders that were brought . It amazes me what you notice when sober . That is what I would have done and probably one at the bar too . Point is maybe thier normal drinking is not so normal .
I got the poor me feelings too on holiday at certain times but it passed and was glad every morning .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 157
It's just not fair. But hey that's life!
I still get sad when I'm out and see all the "fun" people are having when drinking. Just this weekend I had to go to a bar to watch a college football game and as I sipped on my Pepsi a group of loud girls came in celebrating a birthday and having drinks,shots, shooters, everything. Kept looking over there watching them enjoy their drinks and felt a little sorry for myself that I knew I would never get to do that again. But then I changed my frame of thinking and thought, "I am having a much better time not drinking - I'm enjoying watching this football game and not worrying about that next drink, I won't wake up hungover and feeling guilty for things I did or didn't do."
Perfectly normal to have these feelings of, "it's not fair and why can then when I can't. " - Accepting these feelings and changing my frame of mind has helped me immensely.
I still get sad when I'm out and see all the "fun" people are having when drinking. Just this weekend I had to go to a bar to watch a college football game and as I sipped on my Pepsi a group of loud girls came in celebrating a birthday and having drinks,shots, shooters, everything. Kept looking over there watching them enjoy their drinks and felt a little sorry for myself that I knew I would never get to do that again. But then I changed my frame of thinking and thought, "I am having a much better time not drinking - I'm enjoying watching this football game and not worrying about that next drink, I won't wake up hungover and feeling guilty for things I did or didn't do."
Perfectly normal to have these feelings of, "it's not fair and why can then when I can't. " - Accepting these feelings and changing my frame of mind has helped me immensely.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I completely identify. It helps me to play the tape. If you had gone with them what would have happened? I know that doesn't really fix why you can't and they can but it helps to keep things real.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
I completely identify. It helps me to play the tape. If you had gone with them what would have happened? I know that doesn't really fix why you can't and they can but it helps to keep things real.
thanks for reminding to play the tape...
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I too find playing the tape through very helpful. In the past I have attempted to moferate my drinking many times, and it never worked. It would last for a few days, and suddenly the obsession about how much wine was too much wine started? I know that is not how normal drinkers behave.
The thought of waking up hungover and back to square one is enough to keep me sober.
I am sure some of your friends woke up feeling awful, we never post things like that on FB.
Hang in there, and think of all the positive things about sobriety!
❤️ Delilah
The thought of waking up hungover and back to square one is enough to keep me sober.
I am sure some of your friends woke up feeling awful, we never post things like that on FB.
Hang in there, and think of all the positive things about sobriety!
❤️ Delilah
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi sunshine
I have a great life now - I'm happy, at peace and I look forward to the future. All my problems are small ones. I have a lot of fun, more than I ever did drinking.
I'm just about to go and play music - on a Tuesday...in the day...how good is that?
If giving up drinking alcohol was the price I had to pay for this life, I'm more than OK with that.
I hope one day soon you will be too
D
I have a great life now - I'm happy, at peace and I look forward to the future. All my problems are small ones. I have a lot of fun, more than I ever did drinking.
I'm just about to go and play music - on a Tuesday...in the day...how good is that?
If giving up drinking alcohol was the price I had to pay for this life, I'm more than OK with that.
I hope one day soon you will be too
D
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