kgr103110

So just to update, I'm on day 43 sober.

It's a little past 4:30 am here, and I can't sleep. The excitement following my husband stumbling in drunk around 3ish has finally subsided. I'm too wound up go back to bed just yet.

It started with me being pissed that he'd a) come home so late, b) been at the bar as per usual, and c) driven home after drinking for hours. He denied that he was drunk, but I knew he was. He had that glassy look and sort of swayed when he walked. Plus, he was in his drunk mood: Passive aggressive and mean.

So he lies down to go to sleep, the room is dark and quiet for about ten minutes, and then he starts projectile vomiting. It was EVERYWHERE - a trail of vomit from the bedroom to the bathroom - all over the bathroom door and knob, the toilet... Nothing was spared.

But he didn't drink too much, right?

So I cleaned it up because the smell was horrendous. Now I just have so much on my mind. I feel like a hypocrite being upset because I've only been sober for a little over a month. I feel like I don't have a right to feel this way.

I want my husband to live healthier, too. I know I can't force him to do that, but I wish he could just see that this isn't normal.

I just sound preachy, and I hate that.

Ew. I can still smell the puke.

D122y

Kgr,

That is just gross. When I was a drunk, I only threw up outdoors usually. When I was about 13, I through up down the side of my Dads car. He made me clean it.

You know you can't change hubby so you are either stuck w him or not.

I am not going to preach either...I am a recovered drunk that keeps it together. W daily self reminders of the hell I lived through quitting.

I'm up for my usual 2 am to 3 am can't fall back asleep time. It happens usually unless I am extremely tired and the house temp is just right.

I feel for you.

Snarly

H i Kgr,

I'm fairly new here so I appreciate reading others stories and what's going on.

Unfortunately, I was your husband in my relationship. Main difference is we had a duplex and my wife enabled me by making sure I stayed on the bottom floor when I got that drunk.

So if I puked over everything - it was literally my bed to sleep in and clean in the morning.

My wife (now ex) put up with me for some time. She is not an alcoholic, but she has the rare ability to not drink for weeks at a time, pound shots and (GASP) walk away from a unfinished drink.

Short story is my drinking got WAY out of control. This led to divorce . Drinking got even worse.

She divorced me and I don't blame her.
My actions caused that.

My health and body finally drove me here. My stomach issues became so severe I couldn't eat. Doctor gave me some bad news and said "STOP DRINKING NOW".

That's my story. Hope something in it helps.

Snarly

Dee74

I'm really sorry kgr.
Maybe in time the changes in you will spur your hubby onto change too?

D

Zanna

I would have taken a video of him and the vomit, before cleaning it, but that's me.

Snarly

I am still laughing. My wife did that exact thing to me

She taped me from the time I walked in the door. Took her a couple of times but when she showed it to me, It kept me in line for some time.

Lightning Bug

I was never one to throw up (thankfully!) But, I will tell you there is video that exists of me passed out or nodding off from benzos. Knowing it exists has actually helped me.

DolAndel

Great job making it to day 43 with a spouse still drinking. Ugh, I've been the vomiting drunk more than I care to admit. It's hard to know where the line is between "preaching" and a genuine expression of concern.

Soberwolf

Kgr

january161992

hello kgr

kgr103110

Thanks for all the replies... Here's an update:

My husband woke up this morning with a laundry list of stupid things I've done while drinking. This basically confirms what I said on here last night (earlier this morning) - I really don't have a right to call him out on his drunken behavior.

I think that's one of the things I hate most about being an alcoholic. No matter how many days I stay sober or how much better life becomes... The past is always there. And I think it will always haunt me, and others can use it against me. What can I say to that? I did those things. It's true.

So long story short, I wasn't the drunken mess last night - but I still feel bad about myself and my choices the same way I did after a binge.

tekink

My father-in-law and mother-in-law have been married over 50 years. A while back my father-in-law taught me the secret to his lasting marriage.

The women in my wife's family tend to be strong women who don't take crap. Some guys would call that nagging and negative.


My father-in-law figured out a one word answer to stop that stuff dead in it's tracks. If she'd get on him for whatever reason he'd simply reply
Works everytime. What can you say to that? It causes a slight bit of irk before the realization that the negative stuff is actually irrelevant.

Yea, my wife is mad that he taught me the secret weapon but it actually works!

Snarly

So....priceless!!!!

I'm just a ball of laughs today!!!

Kgr - I really laughed at this. I take it as adding humor to something we all take seriously.

graciepearl

Hi kgr, I think the operative word is "did do" those things you don't anymore he did. Don't pick the stones back up so to speak you have 43 days of not doing those things and that is awesome.

Zanna

Remind me.....which one of you is on here, sorting themselves out?

rubythrill

My ex husband would do things like this to me and it always led to me giving up. You can't regret the past, only move forward. It sounds to me like he just doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, I know how frustrating it can be. Don't beat yourself up about the past, and celebrate your 43 days, that is a HUGE accomplishment!

Cherrybreeze

You can only feel bad about the things you did in the past for so long....you are taking huge steps to ensure that those things don't happen again. Do NOT let your husband or anyone else throw those things in your face. He's feeling guilty, maybe embarrassed, I don't know, either way he's projecting that on to you. BS.

I find that at this stage, I have a high intolerance for others drinking at all, even though I shouldn't. My BF is not a big drinker at all, but when he has one or two it bothers me and I don't know why. So do statements like, "I really need a drink after the day I've had!" It should make no difference to me, but I'm sensitive to those things right now. I try not to let it show, but sometimes I can't help it.

2ndhandrose

He drunkenly projectile vomited everywhere and you have 43 hard won days sober.

I wish you could have gone to a hotel and left him to his vomit.

PurpleKnight

That's awful Kgr!!

Peggysue102

That is deflection...we all do it. It's because he doesn't want to be accountable for his actions so he points out yours. My husband and I do it to each other sometimes. Mostly he twists it on me though lol