Rella927

:scared1: I was told last night to go F- myself about 5 times because he blew off dinner yet again! I called and he was no where to be found-He finally calls hours later DRUNK-Imagine that! I ask him where he was-(as he asks and accuses me when I do not answer my phone and I'm in the bathroom!) he BLEW UP and it is ok for you to ask me ...blah blah blah... He proceeds to tell me he is not drunk (without me even saying a word about his drinking!) and that he was checking out Outreach programs to get help. I encourage that but said I hope that he follows through for himself! He said that he was doing it for me. Then he proceeded to get angry because I said I was not coming over because it was now 9 PM! Then that is when he said go F- yourself. I told him last week in person that I was done with this-(after he broke up with me) too. I cannot handle the verbal abuse and I have given him chance after chance and heard quack after quack.

Well now yesterday I told him again after he spoke to me that way I was totally done! Finished! Now today I went and spent a wonderful day with my girlfriend and my god daughter- had a great day- come home to all these messages F- this quack that F- this quack that.

Now he left a threating message on my phone about an hour ago saying how pissed he is that I will not answer the phone etc.. I'm in FEAR that this guy is going to come up here.....so I called my friend who is a cop-and he told me that I need to go up to the police station and put a report in and not to talk myself out of this. I'm not in denial but maybe I am ? I do not want to do this to him but now I hear from another friend that this is serious and I need not live in fear! I have tried and tried with this man-and was willing to be there to support him through if he had just taken action instead of quacking that he was going to get help.

I'm emotionally drained right now again and after having a wonderful day and being myself-this happy person loving life-I'm a frightened little codie and do not know what to do! I know I should go up there and at least do this report-but why did it have to come this far? I'm I doing the right thing by doing this report? I'm hearing noises outside while I'm typing this and jumping in my skin! No phone calls in two hours but this only means that he is probably passed out and will do the usaully wake up around 3-4 am and sit on my porch or sit in the front of the house and lay on his horn as he has so many times in the past. I cannot live like this anymore! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh


Well I just finished typing this and the phone rang! I guess we did not pass out yet! I guess my night is going to be hell?

speedyG

Hi, Im new to all this but, you should go and file a report. you dont need to live like that and YOU and your safty need to come firts. YOU are not responcible for him, only yourself. And if any thing bad comes out of this for him thats to bad he needs to take responcability for his own actions.
GO FILE THAT REPORT, STAY WITH A FRIEND IF YOU CAN.

good luck

Rella927

He left a message he is totally drunk saying that he is not-saying I have to stop my bulls-, I'm not a human being-he is not drunk-its me I'm at fault not him he is not a bad person...I'm afraid of commitment, It is me that ruined this relationship not him..........he loves me. I need to stop being selfish and stop going out with my friends-Ok I think I need to brave going outside and to the station. *Prays as she leaves*

redrose0729

Good you need to go and file the report your safety comes first and if he comes by tonight then you need to call the police and have him removed. You should not have to live in fear. If you are afraid to go outside to the police then have them come to your house. Please be careful. You are not alone.
Rose

gelfling

Dear Rella,

Either file the police report or get out of there and go to a shelter. You don't have to take any type of verbal abuse and the chances of it becoming physical is a real possibility.

Like you said, you can't take anymore. Please take care of yourself.

Be safe and blessed,

Kathy

Ann

Rella

I agree that you don't have to live in fear. There is no need to communicate with someone who is abusive, and you CAN keep him away from you with police protection. It's up to you to look after yourself, and now is the time to begin.

Hugs
Ann

speedyG

Well is he an alcoholic?? If yes, than he never wants to be the one who causes his problems. He will justify evry thing away to suit his needs. You need to realize he is sick. Alcoholics are people who are scared to live life, so they drink to hide. They are are full of regret, they hate themselfs, low self asteam, and unconcously they beat them selfs up all the time. But what i have learned in the program is that i did play some what of a role in our troubles. I am not 100% of our problems but i did encourage some of it. Now i work on me . I try to fix myself first. To find out what i can change about me , to improve me so i find serenity.

Wolfstarr

Hey Rella--

I too agree that you do not have to live in fear! I hope and pray you went to the station and I will light a candle for you and your safety tonight.
Blessings and Support is yours.
Hugs
Wolfstarr

Rella927

Thank you all so much *tears* I just got back and filed the report-looking over my shoulder the whole time I was up there outside. The cop who took the report went to SCHOOL with him! He said the same thing all of you did, which I do know already and I guess that codie fear kicks in and we forget! The report is filed and they are aware that he usaully sits on my porch around 6-6:30 am and will do what they have to if he is! Thank you all so much as always Im so blessed I found this place. And Ann I must say my friend said the same thing to me tonight when I was going back and forth with the idea of going up there "now is the time to begin" and the cop said it too if anything I need to protect myself and with prayers for him maybe he will now decide to get help and if not *wipe* not my problem.
Love you guys!
I'm going to take the dogs out then get some sleep I hope!

brightlight

That is good you have dogs. Stay safe!

osier59

After we split the first time, my A's violent mood swings kicked in full force. I never really thought he would hurt me, but neverthelessI became more and more afraid. My counselor and others were afraid for me. It helped to have a plan, someone I could call with a code word if I felt unsafe and also a place I knew I could go if I needed to get away.

Listen to your intuition... and also to your dogs!

hugs and love
Barb

Rella927

(((Hugs)))) to everyone-Barb this is what scares me is the phone messages he leaves gives me the intution that he can and will become violent-I did the report not the restraining order but, can do that anytime if I have too. This morning he left coffee on my porch and the dinner he cooked US on Saturday that he blew off but of course was my fault. NOT! The last time this happened I ended up with a dead lobster on my porch. The insanity-but what hurts is that yes they are good people most A's and you hate to do this to them but we have to protect ourselves and hope that with doing this they will in turn help themselves. My brother is a recovering A and will always be a part of my life in one way or another-the difference is he took the action to help his disease-this one has not and I do not have to have him in my life anymore. EIthier way it cannot be my problem anymore! I know the next week or so is going to be a ruff one I can feel it inside but with my Al-Anon, counseling and of course when that is not available all of you-I know and will get through this! Thank you everyone!

cwohio

prayers & hugs to you rella - you are a courageous soul and did the right thing!

Rose56

Rella, I am so glad you took action. I am also glad you have dogs, hopefully a nice big German Shepard (Oh I love those dogs). You don't deserve to live in fear. One day at a time................

Hi Osier59!! Great to see you here...........

Rella927

Thank you Rose and CW and EVERYONE! My dogs are Lhasa Apso's but they are from TIBET and were used as watch dogs-the one is great she hears everything! As long as she does not see him (she loves him!!) then I will be fine! There excessive messages already on my machine at home as I called during lunch. This feels so bad doing this to him but I have to think of what I'm doing for ME! Thanks again everyone!! Love you guys

Daffodil

I have to point something out to you that just occurred to me while reading this thread.

You are not doing anything TO him. This is the consequences of HIS behavior. Do take care of you and the dogs.

Rella927

:shocked: Ok...I know I know I should not be thinking about him but question if anyone can advise...I have not recieved ANY phone calls from him except this morning? Silence? No drive bys? This is making me a bit scared now...

myselfagain

You may want to record those calls and keep for future. They may come in handy.

Rella927

Thanks myself I have done that and also did the *57 which the phone company records-but the SILENCE? What is with the SILENCE NOW? I should be happy but it is like there is something waiting around the corner for him to be SILENT in less than 24 hours??????

myselfagain

enjoy the silence but keep your guard up.
Hugs