Missmac35

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice and words of wisdom. I've been in an on off relationship with a heroin addict for 4 years living together the past 2. His addiction has developed into using needles and has progressively got worse even though he is on a subutex maintenance programme. He has adhd and is very impulsive. I love him to death but I cannot cope with the lies, hiding drugs in the house, shooting up in the bathroom when I'm at work and the misery of watching our future slide away. I've driven myself insane with all of this and begged him to stop so many times. He always breaks down crying and promising he will but can't go longer than 7 days without it again. I don't understand how he can't stay off with when he had subutex to take everyday, to me he is just choosing heroin and can't care about me or my feelings at all. He is a very sensitive loving man but when I told him to pack his things and leave this morning he flew into a rage and threatend to hit me. I know I need to stay away for good I jut find it so hard to believe he's chosen this over us and my heart is truely broken. Thanks for reading

Eauchiche

Threats of physical abuse? Deal Breaker!!!

If you are wondering about leaving, this should trump everything else. So sorry you are going through this!!!

Missmac35

Thanks for reading and replying. I know, he came round this morning begging for another chance promising to quit and stay clean. Saying he was in a rage he lost everything and didnt intend to hurt me or would ever actually hit me. I told him to stay away from me and leave me alone to move on and he's had too many chances and stolen lied and hurt me too many times. He left. God this is so so hard but I'm determined to find the strength. So hard when you love someone and you can make excuses for their behaviour because of drugs. So sad .

Seren

Hello Missmac,

I'm so very sorry to hear about what brings you here, but you have found a very supportive corner of the internet where you can talk about what has been happening and people really do understand--because they have been there, too.

I know the pain is great right now, and for that I am sorry!!! But I am glad you are safe!!!

zoso77

Missmac...

Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but thankful you took the step to post.

You said something interesting here:

I think it's important to understand that opiates like heroin induce a state of blissful indifference. When someone's under the influence of heroin, they don't feel a thing. There's no pain, no discomfort, no anything except that feeling. And what ends up happening is the brain chemistry of the user is permanently altered. When the high wears off and the flood of emotions suppressed by the drug come roaring back like a freight train doing 100 MPH, the user's brain is going, You know how to make this go away. Even after someone successfully detoxes off heroin, the brain remembers the bliss of being under the influence. So that's the "why".

Have you considered taking a RO out against him? I certainly would.

You did the right thing by ending this, Missmac. I know it was difficult for you. But he really didn't leave you any choice. It's important that you learn what you're up against, so read as many posts as you can. The days and weeks to come will be difficult for you, but you can get through this.

Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.

Missmac35

Thanks I appreciate that. I'm finding it so hard resist his claims to stay and be clean as I just desperately want to be with him but deep down I know it will be more of the same heartache lies and mistrust. I'm just having a hard time accepting I have to move on when I'm still so in love with him. It's breaks my heart to think of him with anyone else and apart from the drugs we had the best time together and he was my best friend

doggonecarl

There is no "apart from the drugs" with an intravenous heroin addict. It's the drugs. Period. And addiction doesn't get better.

It's sad to lose the person you love. But in reality, you lost that person to his addiction a while ago. Time to find the life you deserve without the drama and chaos of loving an addict.

zoso77

Barkley...

Welcome to the Board.

I'm going to have your post moved such that you can have your own thread and our members can greet you properly. Hang tight.

Missmac35

Thankyou so much. It's so good to hear other people as not many people I know understand what it is like to live with an addict. They think I have been crazy and don't understand why I don't see him as the scum of the earth and how I could possibly be in love with someone who throws their life away on purpose