New to this forum
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 3
New to this forum Hello, all. 
Found this site after using Google to learn more about recovery. I am the girlfriend of someone who is currently in 30-day detox from alcohol and drugs. I am also the child of two parents who suffer from alcoholism (it's been ongoing since I was a child) and my mother has gotten worse as time goes on (and refuses help) Father has nothing to do with the family any more (and his siblings did not want to deal with his drug issue)
My parents don't want help (they don't feel they need it). Boyfriend is back in recovery for the second or third time, I believe (he and I just started dating, and I did not know until a few days after that those who are struggling and seeking help should not seek any sort of relationship with anyone for at least a year or so)
He wanted to give it a shot, and he knows I am here for him (but won't put up with any sort of BS if it gets out of hand)
He is currently on day 9 of recovery, and while I do understand he has limited phone access and no internet access, some days I am upset, but I know that this is just something he needs, and knows I support him as he goes through this trying time.
It sucks because we are also long distance from each other (he is in Seattle; I am in western NY) so that also makes it a little more difficult.
I am also taking this time to learn about him, myself and how to cope with those struggling, instead of becoming angry or yelling at them (like my mother and I and my brother have throughout the years with her)
Sorry this was so long! <3
Found this site after using Google to learn more about recovery. I am the girlfriend of someone who is currently in 30-day detox from alcohol and drugs. I am also the child of two parents who suffer from alcoholism (it's been ongoing since I was a child) and my mother has gotten worse as time goes on (and refuses help) Father has nothing to do with the family any more (and his siblings did not want to deal with his drug issue)
My parents don't want help (they don't feel they need it). Boyfriend is back in recovery for the second or third time, I believe (he and I just started dating, and I did not know until a few days after that those who are struggling and seeking help should not seek any sort of relationship with anyone for at least a year or so)
He wanted to give it a shot, and he knows I am here for him (but won't put up with any sort of BS if it gets out of hand)
He is currently on day 9 of recovery, and while I do understand he has limited phone access and no internet access, some days I am upset, but I know that this is just something he needs, and knows I support him as he goes through this trying time.
It sucks because we are also long distance from each other (he is in Seattle; I am in western NY) so that also makes it a little more difficult.
I am also taking this time to learn about him, myself and how to cope with those struggling, instead of becoming angry or yelling at them (like my mother and I and my brother have throughout the years with her)
Sorry this was so long! <3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 121
Welcome to SR feraldreamz,
It sounds like you've had quite a bit of experience in dealing with alcoholics in your life from the very beginning.
It can't be easy to enter a relationship with these complications right off the bat.
Educating yourself as much as possible is a really good start. This site is a brilliant resource. It gives you the opportunity to speak to people in varying situations. Whether they're dating, married to, a sibling of, or parent of an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic.
Here is the link to the forums for friends and family. It's very helpful for those of us who are dealing with an alcoholic:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Another very helpful resource is attending Al anon meetings. If not for your boyfriend, for dealing with your parents.
You will learn quickly here or might have already learned, that there is nothing you can do to help your boyfriend, or your parents quit drinking. It is their choice, and not your responsibility. You can't stop them, you can't control them, and you can't talk them out of it once they've made their minds up. No amount of yelling, guilting or crying helps.
Sobriety is a life long journey. Your boyfriend has relapsed two or three times and although he is in detox, there is no guaranty of sobriety. That is something you will have to learn to accept.
I can't tell you to leave your relationship. Beginning a relationship when your boyfriend is at this stage is really a very tough start. He's going to have to be focused on his sobriety. If you begin focusing on it, and your happiness revolves around him being sober, it becomes like an illness that's very hard to get out of.
I urge you to read over the forums and the sticky's. Truly, educating yourself and learning about the addiction and reading as much literature as possible is your best bet. Continue posting threads with questions. Many people are here to answer who have been there.
Keep coming back. ♡
It sounds like you've had quite a bit of experience in dealing with alcoholics in your life from the very beginning.
It can't be easy to enter a relationship with these complications right off the bat.
Educating yourself as much as possible is a really good start. This site is a brilliant resource. It gives you the opportunity to speak to people in varying situations. Whether they're dating, married to, a sibling of, or parent of an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic.
Here is the link to the forums for friends and family. It's very helpful for those of us who are dealing with an alcoholic:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Another very helpful resource is attending Al anon meetings. If not for your boyfriend, for dealing with your parents.
You will learn quickly here or might have already learned, that there is nothing you can do to help your boyfriend, or your parents quit drinking. It is their choice, and not your responsibility. You can't stop them, you can't control them, and you can't talk them out of it once they've made their minds up. No amount of yelling, guilting or crying helps.
Sobriety is a life long journey. Your boyfriend has relapsed two or three times and although he is in detox, there is no guaranty of sobriety. That is something you will have to learn to accept.
I can't tell you to leave your relationship. Beginning a relationship when your boyfriend is at this stage is really a very tough start. He's going to have to be focused on his sobriety. If you begin focusing on it, and your happiness revolves around him being sober, it becomes like an illness that's very hard to get out of.
I urge you to read over the forums and the sticky's. Truly, educating yourself and learning about the addiction and reading as much literature as possible is your best bet. Continue posting threads with questions. Many people are here to answer who have been there.
Keep coming back. ♡
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 3
Thank you so much, Kissedbyfire. I do appreciate the kind words and info. I do feel like joining this forum was a great idea, and am thankful that others around me are willing to be helpful and supportive if I have any questions. 
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome feraldreamz. You've found a great site for help, information, and support. It's helped me a lot, I'm a few days away from one year sober. Keep reading and posting.
Welcome!
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