Life's a ball.......
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Life's a ball.......
Last week I yanked the mower out of the garage to do weekly cutting. Soon, the grass mowing season will be over - again. Pine straw has just started to fall with some leaves turning color. Summers over.
As I pushed the mower around the side yard I saw my son's basketball in the bushes, carelessly left outside as always. On the cusp of leaving his teen years behind he should know better I internally stewed. I thought about summoning him to pick it up to place it in the garage. He leaves the darn thing wherever the fates of the last rim ricochet of the day decide it shall rest. Will he ever learn?
Instantly, it came to me that he wasn't there to retrieve it. He was gone now for several days and several hundred miles away. Off to college. Off to find his path on his journey.
As I cut the grass I thought about him being a small child teaching him how to play several sports involving balls. Kick it son! Hit it son! Throw it pal!!! I smiled outwardly and inwardly. Shortly I finished cutting the lawn, putting the mower in the garage. I picked up the ball and sat with it in my hands loosely, gently tossing it a just few inches in the air.
I thought about how fast our time had passed and the time I wasted not being as I should. A dad and alcoholic's co-mingled guilt, remorse. Being too hard at times on him......and me,likely.
I didn't sit in that stew of yesterday too long though. It's not what I have learned in recovery. We move forward, not forgetting but usefully remembering - ever changing.
I became overwhelming grateful for the last 2+ years we've had together with me sober. I thought about him telling me he was proud of me not long ago, words which had not been uttered for a very long time. I recognize the foothold against the odds I have been given. A foothold I thank God for daily in prayer and action. A foothold perhaps my son can draw upon in dark times. I wept, thankful for another chance at life. Thankful for the enormous gift I have been freely given by others - by you.
I thought about that darn ball I have picked up a million times, or run over, or tripped over. I tossed it in a storage bin and began to walk inside the house muttering good riddance. Then a burning desire ignited my being! I had an urge - SHOOT IT!!!
I trotted out on driveway and with a couple dribbles and a mighty last second 20 foot buzzer shot it headed towards the rim and bounced off, just missing. The ball sailed down the side yard slope into the woods where I followed to retrieve it. I bent over to pick it up and it stuck me..........
Think I'll just leave it here till my son comes home in a few months on break. Maybe we'll shoot together. Either way, he'll know where to look for the ball. Maybe this time he'll put it away. Maybe another season is upon us.........
Think I'll do this one sober.
As I pushed the mower around the side yard I saw my son's basketball in the bushes, carelessly left outside as always. On the cusp of leaving his teen years behind he should know better I internally stewed. I thought about summoning him to pick it up to place it in the garage. He leaves the darn thing wherever the fates of the last rim ricochet of the day decide it shall rest. Will he ever learn?
Instantly, it came to me that he wasn't there to retrieve it. He was gone now for several days and several hundred miles away. Off to college. Off to find his path on his journey.
As I cut the grass I thought about him being a small child teaching him how to play several sports involving balls. Kick it son! Hit it son! Throw it pal!!! I smiled outwardly and inwardly. Shortly I finished cutting the lawn, putting the mower in the garage. I picked up the ball and sat with it in my hands loosely, gently tossing it a just few inches in the air.
I thought about how fast our time had passed and the time I wasted not being as I should. A dad and alcoholic's co-mingled guilt, remorse. Being too hard at times on him......and me,likely.
I didn't sit in that stew of yesterday too long though. It's not what I have learned in recovery. We move forward, not forgetting but usefully remembering - ever changing.
I became overwhelming grateful for the last 2+ years we've had together with me sober. I thought about him telling me he was proud of me not long ago, words which had not been uttered for a very long time. I recognize the foothold against the odds I have been given. A foothold I thank God for daily in prayer and action. A foothold perhaps my son can draw upon in dark times. I wept, thankful for another chance at life. Thankful for the enormous gift I have been freely given by others - by you.
I thought about that darn ball I have picked up a million times, or run over, or tripped over. I tossed it in a storage bin and began to walk inside the house muttering good riddance. Then a burning desire ignited my being! I had an urge - SHOOT IT!!!
I trotted out on driveway and with a couple dribbles and a mighty last second 20 foot buzzer shot it headed towards the rim and bounced off, just missing. The ball sailed down the side yard slope into the woods where I followed to retrieve it. I bent over to pick it up and it stuck me..........
Think I'll just leave it here till my son comes home in a few months on break. Maybe we'll shoot together. Either way, he'll know where to look for the ball. Maybe this time he'll put it away. Maybe another season is upon us.........
Think I'll do this one sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
That's a great post, Fly. I'm glad to hear your son is off to college and to work on creating a life for himself. The memories for us alcoholics are often bittersweet, but as you said, we need to focus on moving forward. I'm sure your son will be looking forward to coming home for the holidays to his sober Dad.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Beautiful post, my oldest just turned 13, and I cannot believe how quickly time is going by. They can make us crazy sometimes, but I couldn't imagine my life without my kids. I am so glad that I am sober for them as well as me!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Fantastic post Fly. i knew there was a reason I logged in this late. Think I'll give my kids an extra hug in the morning. I'm grateful for being a sober dad today. Thanks for reminding me, I needed that tonight.
Awesome job to you too
Awesome job to you too
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks for that FNB - loved reading it, I'm now sharing some fantastic times by being there unconditionally for my just turned teenage daughter - so glad to have woken up and given real life and the things that really matter a proper chance. That's also one of the main things I try to focus on through any rough times I have, just how close we have become and the bond that is getting stronger and stronger as months go by as she knows I am now someone who she can turn to, rely on and be proud of.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Very positive post Flyby . My youngest is 22 and I wish I had $1 for every time i picked items up he's just left lying haha . You touched my heart strings with this post as I just wasn't the dad I should have been with my eldest son and sometimes wallow a bit too much in that . I loved when you said "We move forward, not forgetting but usefully remembering - ever changing " . This is very helpful .
congratulations .
congratulations .
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