Smilax

So I've had an absolutely amazing time in the Rockies. This is actually the first vacation of this length and magnitude I've taken on my own. I'm 34 but have lived a very sheltered and spoiled and enabled life. Lived with my parents till a year ago, they still enable me and smother me. I love them, but it's hard and most people would not understand. At any rate I guess that's about 2 weeks completely sober. Feeling good. I did a 38km epic hike in the Rockies in about 8hrs of which I'm very proud. I've been a pretty good hiker for years, especially since losing 100lbs and getting in much better shape about 2 years ago. I was running almost every day too till my drinking really took over, need to get back to that, though not as obsessively hopefully. Still feeling the pain of that hike a few days later, but man it was worth it!!

However I feel a sense of fear approaching now. Call it what you will, the post holiday blues. Most people are probably familiar with the post Christmas blues. I sometimes feel this after a holiday, especially a really good one. I return to 5 more days off work. But also a job I don't particularly like, though it's easy. More a life I don't like, though that's easy too thanks to my parents. Mostly a return to a lot of dissatisfaction and baggage. And I worry about drinking again. Because my triggers are always loneliness, depression, and self hatred. I was hoping that the parts for a computer I ordered would be ready for pickup as that would distract me nicely for the rest of those 5 days. But not yet it seems.

At any rate not in danger right now. But I can hear the siren call if you know what I mean.

nyala

The siren will always call, although it does get less noisy and less frequent.

The trick is to be aware, and have a plan to make sure you do not pick up.

Sounds like you are in good shape in every respect. I wish you well.

Fradley

MissPerfumado

You seem to have a good deal of self-awareness, which should work in your favour. Perhaps you could have a revisit of your recovery plan, shore up the parts you think might need it ... to strengthen your resolve to stay sober.

You could also start looking at self-help books for inspiration.

Keep posting here too.

Great job on two weeks, and the hike!

Smilax

Thanks guys. Yeah I have to stay vigilant. Got some new worries as I've been invited to a party as I just posted about. Mostly worried about just returning to stresses though.

Smilax

Well the travel part of my trip has ended. Still have 5 days off. The good news is that the parts for that computer I ordered are ready for pickup tomorrow so I WILL have plenty to do over the next several days. And planning to do more.

I had an absolutely fantastic time!

I'm more worried about when I return to work though. We will see how things go. Here's a pic I just developed in lightroom and stitched together as a panorama. One of a lot of photos I took, I'm an avid amateur photographer.

If anyone is interested here is the best of my work: https://www.flickr.com/photos/locut0s/

WhiskeyBent

Great picture. Maybe avoid thinking about the other stuff by keep doing what you did on vacation, taking pictures and going for a hike.

Soberwolf

Keep logging in daily & keep your support that you have with us we know the dead end road drinking leads us down its accepting that & knowing things don't ever have to be like they were again

Rooting for you

Smilax

Thanks guys. I got my computer parts today and am going to start working on it. But yeah I'm feeling more down now than I have in a while. As I feared still hanging on but it's getting harder.

Hevyn

Smilax - I just saw this thread now - I think it was wise to talk about your fears.

It's so wonderful to go away & do something different - but I know what you mean about an anticlimax or letdown. Keeping busy is smart - good that you have the computer project.

Your photo is gorgeous. I'm in the Catskills in New York - & not far from the Adirondacks - but our mountains are tiny compared to the Rockies. Glad you had a great time.