I'd like to vent, but it is justified?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Straight to the point.
My wife is out of town, I had the opportunity to invite my parents over for dinner (mom and wife don't get along). Had a nice dinner, cleaned up and sat on the deck and started to talk. The story is much too long to discuss here, but suffice it to say there is financial issues at play. My mother is one who could make copper wire from a penny.
Years ago when my father and brother bowed out of the business, the crash occurred and I needed 11K to make payroll. I've never heard the end of it from my mother. So tonight I told her that I paid her husband, and her son 75.7K in cash to relieve them of their debts to take over the business. She suddenly had memory loss. I also reminded her of the 450K in "gifts" they received from a contractor for awarding them a 13 million contract. It suddenly dawned on her that maybe the 11K they lent me temporarily wasn't that big of deal. Sadly for her, she didn't realize I knew all of this stuff and thought that she could lie her way through the whole thing. It didn't end well. I don't think she will sleep well tonight.
My wife is out of town, I had the opportunity to invite my parents over for dinner (mom and wife don't get along). Had a nice dinner, cleaned up and sat on the deck and started to talk. The story is much too long to discuss here, but suffice it to say there is financial issues at play. My mother is one who could make copper wire from a penny.
Years ago when my father and brother bowed out of the business, the crash occurred and I needed 11K to make payroll. I've never heard the end of it from my mother. So tonight I told her that I paid her husband, and her son 75.7K in cash to relieve them of their debts to take over the business. She suddenly had memory loss. I also reminded her of the 450K in "gifts" they received from a contractor for awarding them a 13 million contract. It suddenly dawned on her that maybe the 11K they lent me temporarily wasn't that big of deal. Sadly for her, she didn't realize I knew all of this stuff and thought that she could lie her way through the whole thing. It didn't end well. I don't think she will sleep well tonight.
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I understand bitterness and payback and all of that...but if I'm honest I reckon you'd be better off just letting it all go Jeff.
You may never get the level of parental approval you want. I decided to let that go years ago.
You really have nothing to prove to anyone - you're turning your life around - but thats something that other folks, even family folks, sometimes can't understand no matter how hard you try and explain.
As regards your dad - if ratting him out is for his benefit - then fine...but your motivation doesn't exactly read that way to me, man?
There's a reason AA goes on so much about resentment - because it's one of the express lanes back to drinking
Life is short Jeff. Work out your priorities and go from there
Enjoy every sandwich, as Warren Zevon used to say
D
You may never get the level of parental approval you want. I decided to let that go years ago.
You really have nothing to prove to anyone - you're turning your life around - but thats something that other folks, even family folks, sometimes can't understand no matter how hard you try and explain.
As regards your dad - if ratting him out is for his benefit - then fine...but your motivation doesn't exactly read that way to me, man?
There's a reason AA goes on so much about resentment - because it's one of the express lanes back to drinking
Life is short Jeff. Work out your priorities and go from there
Enjoy every sandwich, as Warren Zevon used to say
D
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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You may never get the level of parental approval you want. I decided to let that go years ago.
You really have nothing to prove to anyone - you're turning your life around -
Bingo Dee. And now its my bedtime. Thanks for listening.
You really have nothing to prove to anyone - you're turning your life around -
Bingo Dee. And now its my bedtime. Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Just an FYI to everyone, sorry to air my dirty laundry on this forum, BUT...I would have never been able to have such a frank and serious conversation like last night without being sober. I would have been ridiculed and told "ah Jeff you're drunk, go have another drink". But they can't do that anymore.
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I eventually came to understand that in harboring the anger, the bitterness and resentment towards those that had hurt me, I was giving the reins of control over to them. Forgiving was not about accepting their words and deeds. Forgiving was about letting go and moving on with my life. In doing so, I had finally set myself free.
If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.
If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.
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What Dee and Tom said.
I have "justification" fodder enough to resent my family until the end of time,
but by doing just what Tom Steve said, and sending them love and wishes for healing, prosperity, and happiness,
I have found my resentments and expectations have just melted away.
I truly do wish the best for them now--and that makes me stronger both in sobriety and character.
It is so much nicer to live in peace than waiting for them to acknowledge / change.
They won't so I did
I have "justification" fodder enough to resent my family until the end of time,
but by doing just what Tom Steve said, and sending them love and wishes for healing, prosperity, and happiness,
I have found my resentments and expectations have just melted away.
I truly do wish the best for them now--and that makes me stronger both in sobriety and character.
It is so much nicer to live in peace than waiting for them to acknowledge / change.
They won't so I did
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Its good to get it off your chest Thomas 11 .
What tomsteve quotes works for me too .
My life works better if I am in a place of compassion and forgiveness .
This is sound phsycology which has been quoted by many . Its all in the bible and copied by all the American so called inspirational motivational law of attraction money making speakers but I forgive them lol .
What tomsteve quotes works for me too .
My life works better if I am in a place of compassion and forgiveness .
This is sound phsycology which has been quoted by many . Its all in the bible and copied by all the American so called inspirational motivational law of attraction money making speakers but I forgive them lol .
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