Random observation
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
Random observation
I have not bitten my nails in weeks. I was always a nervous nail biter and I just realized that they are getting long!
I am also realizing that videos that once seemed like the holy grail of healing (YouTube was my second therapist lol) are habits and thoughts patterns that are now engrained. What was once an "aha" moment is now something that is very clear and obvious to me.
With the ways we get trapped with feelings of guilt and shame... we may as well have on shackles! Those feelings are THAT binding. As I come further out of the fog what I have learned seems sooo obvious it's almost embarrassing :-/
How did I not see this before?! How?! I was just as delusional. I truly truly wish nothing but the best for my exA, but no longer hold on to the fantasy that he's going to "see the light" and realize "how wrong he was". I see that he is hurting deeply but that he needs to figure that for himself.
Keep going guys, it gets better
I am also realizing that videos that once seemed like the holy grail of healing (YouTube was my second therapist lol) are habits and thoughts patterns that are now engrained. What was once an "aha" moment is now something that is very clear and obvious to me.
With the ways we get trapped with feelings of guilt and shame... we may as well have on shackles! Those feelings are THAT binding. As I come further out of the fog what I have learned seems sooo obvious it's almost embarrassing :-/
How did I not see this before?! How?! I was just as delusional. I truly truly wish nothing but the best for my exA, but no longer hold on to the fantasy that he's going to "see the light" and realize "how wrong he was". I see that he is hurting deeply but that he needs to figure that for himself.
Keep going guys, it gets better
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
What was once an "aha" moment is now something that is very clear and obvious to me.
I get the "almost embarrassing" part. I saw this video not too long ago, and yeah....outside the FOG......umm....duh. Never again sista!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccVwZRkkrnc
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Firebolt, GREAT video, thanks for the link!
Expanding, I know what you mean. Sometimes in dealing w/the drama and foolishness of life, I get annoyed w/folks for acting the way they do, and then I remember "oh, not all that long ago, YOU acted exactly the same way, sweetie!"
And I guess that's how we know we've made progress...
Expanding, I know what you mean. Sometimes in dealing w/the drama and foolishness of life, I get annoyed w/folks for acting the way they do, and then I remember "oh, not all that long ago, YOU acted exactly the same way, sweetie!"
And I guess that's how we know we've made progress...
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
E,
I also bit my nails, my whole life. I stopped probably about a year ago. I guess the head ache out of my life has made me a little calmer and don't need that "release". It is amazing when you start taking care of yourself how you "change".
I also have come to the conclusion that axh and I want two totally different things out of life. I want stability, retirement, contentment and security. He wants excitement, fun, party weekends, live for the moment. I see that now, didn't then. I always believed it was just the alcohol that was keeping us apart. Reality is I didn't even like him. He was/is self centered, narcissistic, childish, angry, grouchy, and very mean. What part of that is love?
That's were I accept that fact that I was soooooooooooooo sick!! Ugh!!
I also bit my nails, my whole life. I stopped probably about a year ago. I guess the head ache out of my life has made me a little calmer and don't need that "release". It is amazing when you start taking care of yourself how you "change".
I also have come to the conclusion that axh and I want two totally different things out of life. I want stability, retirement, contentment and security. He wants excitement, fun, party weekends, live for the moment. I see that now, didn't then. I always believed it was just the alcohol that was keeping us apart. Reality is I didn't even like him. He was/is self centered, narcissistic, childish, angry, grouchy, and very mean. What part of that is love?
That's were I accept that fact that I was soooooooooooooo sick!! Ugh!!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Lisa A Romano is one of my favorites because I was super codependent. She calls herself the "ACOA Breakthrough Life Coach".
Just a warning, her videos speak to me because of my beliefs. If you don't share the same beliefs her videos may not resonate with you at all. She has like, 200 videos and I listen to them on repeat and fall asleep to her meditations. Her wisdom and advice is so beyond helpful to me because she doesn't just explain the why, she talks about how to move past your problems.
Once you pop her in your search other channels will pop up. I would tell you others but she's the source of most of my "YouTube healing" and lead me to the others
Just a warning, her videos speak to me because of my beliefs. If you don't share the same beliefs her videos may not resonate with you at all. She has like, 200 videos and I listen to them on repeat and fall asleep to her meditations. Her wisdom and advice is so beyond helpful to me because she doesn't just explain the why, she talks about how to move past your problems.
Once you pop her in your search other channels will pop up. I would tell you others but she's the source of most of my "YouTube healing" and lead me to the others
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
OMG, thank you so much for posting this!
I've been a "wolf biter" for 25 years. I am not blaming my ex for this, as I did not even know him back then.
But ever since I moved out, and divorced, I stopped peeling my fingers. They are fully healed. I just cannot explain this. No therapy, no meds, no nothing. Just living the way I want to and being busy with everyday life.
I've been a "wolf biter" for 25 years. I am not blaming my ex for this, as I did not even know him back then.
But ever since I moved out, and divorced, I stopped peeling my fingers. They are fully healed. I just cannot explain this. No therapy, no meds, no nothing. Just living the way I want to and being busy with everyday life.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Brighton
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I'm going to have a look at the lady you mentioned. I bite my nails and chew the inside of my lips when I get stressed. Have chewed fingers and lips at the mo, but I know they will heal.
Maia - Your Quote "I also have come to the conclusion that axh and I want two totally different things out of life. I want stability, retirement, contentment and security. He wants excitement, fun, party weekends, live for the moment. I see that now, didn't then. I always believed it was just the alcohol that was keeping us apart. " My partner and I are like that. I like peace and quiet and reading, she likes spontaneity and going out. Hmmm.
Maia - Your Quote "I also have come to the conclusion that axh and I want two totally different things out of life. I want stability, retirement, contentment and security. He wants excitement, fun, party weekends, live for the moment. I see that now, didn't then. I always believed it was just the alcohol that was keeping us apart. " My partner and I are like that. I like peace and quiet and reading, she likes spontaneity and going out. Hmmm.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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This made me smile- I got a mani yesterday for the first time in...year? more? It was a treat for my bday (and the nail lady was horrified) but I, too, have gotten out of this bad habit (mostly). I do not get so anxious sober, plus I care about my appearance now!!
Thanks for the video etc suggestions. And, yes, I too remind myself of how I used to be with this kind of "wow. I never have to be like THAT again!!" Those thoughts crop up often, with a huge inner smile feeling, as my new habits, life of faith, and following the principles of AA become more and more reflexive.
Thanks for posting! I haven't delved into ACOA yet- I will - but am glad I peeked at one of these threads.
Thanks for the video etc suggestions. And, yes, I too remind myself of how I used to be with this kind of "wow. I never have to be like THAT again!!" Those thoughts crop up often, with a huge inner smile feeling, as my new habits, life of faith, and following the principles of AA become more and more reflexive.
Thanks for posting! I haven't delved into ACOA yet- I will - but am glad I peeked at one of these threads.
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