I'm not new to this but feel as if I am
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 15
I'm not new to this but feel as if I am
Hi all. I am the wife of an alcoholic/addict. I was a member here several years ago and I do not remember my name or even what email address I used at the time. See, he got sober. He was sober for 3 almost 4 years. Then he relapsed (on alcohol).
He got sober again..relapsed..then again..relapsed. This has gone on many times of course as addiction tends to do. I am back because I need support, I need help. I need to work on ME but the codependent person that I am has forgotten what I've learned when I was here before.
He just relapsed after being sober for 2 months..or so I thought he was sober. I learned he had been abusing his prescription tramadol. Sooooo...here I am. I can't make Alanon meetings due to my being agoraphobic and not driving alone or staying alone or with anyone I do not "trust". Anxiety issues plague me..they have for many long years. Maybe I'll be able to work on myself when I learn how.
Right now though..I'm torn, shattered and feel incredibly alone.
He got sober again..relapsed..then again..relapsed. This has gone on many times of course as addiction tends to do. I am back because I need support, I need help. I need to work on ME but the codependent person that I am has forgotten what I've learned when I was here before.
He just relapsed after being sober for 2 months..or so I thought he was sober. I learned he had been abusing his prescription tramadol. Sooooo...here I am. I can't make Alanon meetings due to my being agoraphobic and not driving alone or staying alone or with anyone I do not "trust". Anxiety issues plague me..they have for many long years. Maybe I'll be able to work on myself when I learn how.
Right now though..I'm torn, shattered and feel incredibly alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
ABP,
Sorry for all you have been through. I waited 34 years for my addict to get sober, never happened. I have to say my boring little life is so so much better then living with an addict.
Keep reading and educating yourself. Maybe this time you can make the changes for you, not waiting for him.
Sending hugs to you my friend!!
Sorry for all you have been through. I waited 34 years for my addict to get sober, never happened. I have to say my boring little life is so so much better then living with an addict.
Keep reading and educating yourself. Maybe this time you can make the changes for you, not waiting for him.
Sending hugs to you my friend!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,059
Welcome back abp although so sorry to hear about what you are going through.
The hope that the periods of sobriety have generated for you must be excruciating. Please do what you can to take care of yourself.
The hope that the periods of sobriety have generated for you must be excruciating. Please do what you can to take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
There are al anon meetings online....you can private message me for a couple links!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
abp......I don't know if you know who Paula Deen is (she is a well known TV cook).
In case you are interested, she has written a memoir, in which she reveals that she was agoraphobic for a few years...she talks about it quite openly in her book....
Actually, the book is very good and I was so surprised to learn so many surprising things about her.....
she has overcome a lot of trauma and difficulty in her life...and she is actually inspiring in how she has struggled to overcome.....
Title: Paula Deen "It ain't All About the Cookin'" You can get a cheap used copy on Amazon.com.....as well as the public library, I am assuming......
dandylion
In case you are interested, she has written a memoir, in which she reveals that she was agoraphobic for a few years...she talks about it quite openly in her book....
Actually, the book is very good and I was so surprised to learn so many surprising things about her.....
she has overcome a lot of trauma and difficulty in her life...and she is actually inspiring in how she has struggled to overcome.....
Title: Paula Deen "It ain't All About the Cookin'" You can get a cheap used copy on Amazon.com.....as well as the public library, I am assuming......
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 166
Hi - so sorry about what you are going through. I can totally relate, with an AH who got sober for about 3 years and then has been relapsing since. It is a kind of pain that is very hard to grasp if you aren't going through it but people here understand. I have found this site to be so helpful, warm and comforting. I highly recommend reading the stickies on the top of the board. I've been reading them over and over and they have helped me stay above water in really rough times. Keep posting too, it helps a lot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by dandylion
abp......I don't know if you know who Paula Deen is (she is a well known TV cook).
In case you are interested, she has written a memoir, in which she reveals that she was agoraphobic for a few years...she talks about it quite openly in her book....
Actually, the book is very good and I was so surprised to learn so many surprising things about her.....
she has overcome a lot of trauma and difficulty in her life...and she is actually inspiring in how she has struggled to overcome.....
Title: Paula Deen "It ain't All About the Cookin'" You can get a cheap used copy on Amazon.com.....as well as the public library, I am assuming......
dandylion
In case you are interested, she has written a memoir, in which she reveals that she was agoraphobic for a few years...she talks about it quite openly in her book....
Actually, the book is very good and I was so surprised to learn so many surprising things about her.....
she has overcome a lot of trauma and difficulty in her life...and she is actually inspiring in how she has struggled to overcome.....
Title: Paula Deen "It ain't All About the Cookin'" You can get a cheap used copy on Amazon.com.....as well as the public library, I am assuming......
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Central NY
Posts: 6
abp, I am sorry you went through this, not only that, but for a long time. My heart is breaking for you. I'm glad you came back to the forum, because I am finding it is an incredibly accepting and nurturing place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 15
Thank you so much. I agree that this is a wonderful place and very helpful. I had gotten complacent when he was sober and I just decided that everything was okay..I should have stuck around regardless and this is my intention to do so. Hugs to you dear.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
If it's any consolation, you are not alone. I kicked the alcoholic baby daddy out in August 2014. We lived apart until May 2015. I let him come back to stay because he lost his house and I felt bad because he is my kid's dad. Well, here I am July 2016 and he is still here. I have finally told him that as of 9/1/16, he has to leave. I am standing firm.
We all do things for different reasons. We all learn at our own pace. In my case, I had to know FOR SURE FOR SURE, that this cat is never changing. He will always be selfish, he will never love me for the awesome person I am, and he is going to continue drinking. When is enough, enough. Finally, when it is just ENOUGH.
Good luck to you gf. I know you can get thru this. Summon the inner tiger and get some work done.
PM me if you want to talk.
We all do things for different reasons. We all learn at our own pace. In my case, I had to know FOR SURE FOR SURE, that this cat is never changing. He will always be selfish, he will never love me for the awesome person I am, and he is going to continue drinking. When is enough, enough. Finally, when it is just ENOUGH.
Good luck to you gf. I know you can get thru this. Summon the inner tiger and get some work done.
PM me if you want to talk.
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