Why do we think the next time will be better??
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Why do we think the next time will be better??
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But it seems I'm getting fooled over and over again. My xAH fiancé got out of rehab about a month ago and was sober 44 days and this time instead of pulling way and leaned in thinking if I was around more, staying at his place we could recover together - was I so wrong. For no reason at all other then to drink he decided too. He had everything going to well for him, from having his kids back in his life, me and his business thriving again. He also had a good chance of beating his dui case. So what went wrong???? I'm completely lost and have no one but myself to blame. I know the disease very well now, why did I think this time round was different. He has never gone more then 2.5 months sober. He is my ex and he needs to remain my ex... Just disappointed and losing hope... Thanks for letting me share.
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Alcoholics don't need a reason to start drinking, they drink when they want to whether life is going good, great, wonderful, or bad. Alcoholism doesn't follow the normal way of things...normally when life is falling into place and going good a healthy person would use that as motivation to continue to do better and keep working...an alcoholic doesn't decide to not drink because life is going good..hell sometimes they drink BECAUSE life is going so good. Alcoholism doesn't follow reason, it is pure insanity.
Do you go to meetings or have a solid support system you can reach out to when you are feeling low? Counseling has also been a life savor for me..having an unbiased opinion coupled with his/her academic training always allows me to walk away from the appointment with knowledge and tools to help propel me forward no matter what is going on.
Continue to keep moving forward, I know it is hard and that we want things to turn out a certain way, but sometimes we have to do what is best for us and our children and not what we wish our spouse would be like or do.
HUGS
Do you go to meetings or have a solid support system you can reach out to when you are feeling low? Counseling has also been a life savor for me..having an unbiased opinion coupled with his/her academic training always allows me to walk away from the appointment with knowledge and tools to help propel me forward no matter what is going on.
Continue to keep moving forward, I know it is hard and that we want things to turn out a certain way, but sometimes we have to do what is best for us and our children and not what we wish our spouse would be like or do.
HUGS
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
My AH had everything going for him as well. He had been wanting a son for SO many years and a month after our beautiful baby boy was born he went on a binge (both drugs and alcohol). I couldn't wrap my head around that he could do this at a time when things were going SO good for him or at least I thought they were. When I asked him why he did what he did he said "things were going so good that I just felt invincible and that I could handle a few drinks". It's hard as a rational person to understand this and I guess there's no right or wrong time when you're an addict. I'm sorry you are going through so much heartache. I hope it gets better for you and your heart is able to heal quickly <3
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The chief characteristics of all addiction -- including codependency -- are denial and rationalization. They keep us stuck in dark corners. Alanon was a huge help in getting the reality check I needed and moving on.
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Originally Posted by AdelineRose 
Alcoholics don't need a reason to start drinking, they drink when they want to whether life is going good, great, wonderful, or bad. Alcoholism doesn't follow the normal way of things...normally when life is falling into place and going good a healthy person would use that as motivation to continue to do better and keep working...an alcoholic doesn't decide to not drink because life is going good..hell sometimes they drink BECAUSE life is going so good. Alcoholism doesn't follow reason, it is pure insanity.
Do you go to meetings or have a solid support system you can reach out to when you are feeling low? Counseling has also been a life savor for me..having an unbiased opinion coupled with his/her academic training always allows me to walk away from the appointment with knowledge and tools to help propel me forward no matter what is going on.
Continue to keep moving forward, I know it is hard and that we want things to turn out a certain way, but sometimes we have to do what is best for us and our children and not what we wish our spouse would be like or do.
HUGS
Do you go to meetings or have a solid support system you can reach out to when you are feeling low? Counseling has also been a life savor for me..having an unbiased opinion coupled with his/her academic training always allows me to walk away from the appointment with knowledge and tools to help propel me forward no matter what is going on.
Continue to keep moving forward, I know it is hard and that we want things to turn out a certain way, but sometimes we have to do what is best for us and our children and not what we wish our spouse would be like or do.
HUGS
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 29
Thank you all! I waited so long for the right guy and I thought it was him. He hid the alcoholism so well until he couldn't hide it anymore and that's when I found it, two months before our wedding. Thank God I didn't go through it. My rationale was let's get this under control first, get help and I am going to stand by your side through it. Little did I know it was hell on earth with a deem light of hope. Thank you for saying there is hope for me... I need to see the bright light of hope for me!
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I'm trying hard with my own recovery like yesterday I hung out with some friends and did something I loved. Today I went for yoga by the water. But in the back of my mind was worried about him, so I checked up on him. Before I could open the door he was trying to hide the alcohol. He asked me if I was going to stay all day and I said no just checking on you. He wanted me to leave so he could drink in peace without me judging him he said. So I did and I didn't have plans to stay long. I guess I wanted to know he was alive, that's why I was checking. Does this get better?? Will I be able to fully let go? I so desperately want to and for my mind to be free of him.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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I just got off messenger with my daughter and she told me to quit looking/finding diversions and face this head on. So... I'm going to make a list of all the reasons I left. Don't know if it will help you or me, but it's something. Good luck to you. Btw be glad you broke off the wedding. I divorced after 32 yrs. Yea, imagine that
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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It will get better if you fully let go of him and just focus on yourself and have no contact with him. I know that it is easier said than done but as the days go by it will get easier and easier. Every time you see him or talk to him he drags you back into the crazy hell of alcoholism and he brings you back to a bad place mentally. I know it is hard to let go, I know it is daunting and seems impossible but you can't let him bring you down- you can't let him make you go three steps back for each step you move forward. I never thought I could do it, I thought people were crazy for suggesting it- but then I found out that if you stick through it and stay taking care of yourself it slowly gets easier and easier until you can't believe you ever put up with the chaos of addiction. Think of how you felt after going to visit him- you didn't leave there is a better place after seeing him- he brought you down and chipped away at your progress. He can't bring you down if he isn't in your life...he will continue to fade more and more into the back ground and you will continue to move forward and forward as you work on finding your true self, bring your sense of worth back up, and when you will get to a place where you won't settle for that crap anymore and a place where you know you deserve so much more.
I know it is hard and painful, but you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and wake up and enjoy your day instead of wondering what crap is going to happen and what he is going to do or say to you that day to bring you down. We are all here for you, we care and you are not alone. BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS.. you are worth it...you can do it.
I know it is hard and painful, but you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and wake up and enjoy your day instead of wondering what crap is going to happen and what he is going to do or say to you that day to bring you down. We are all here for you, we care and you are not alone. BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS.. you are worth it...you can do it.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by AdelineRose
It will get better if you fully let go of him and just focus on yourself and have no contact with him. I know that it is easier said than done but as the days go by it will get easier and easier. Every time you see him or talk to him he drags you back into the crazy hell of alcoholism and he brings you back to a bad place mentally. I know it is hard to let go, I know it is daunting and seems impossible but you can't let him bring you down- you can't let him make you go three steps back for each step you move forward. I never thought I could do it, I thought people were crazy for suggesting it- but then I found out that if you stick through it and stay taking care of yourself it slowly gets easier and easier until you can't believe you ever put up with the chaos of addiction. Think of how you felt after going to visit him- you didn't leave there is a better place after seeing him- he brought you down and chipped away at your progress. He can't bring you down if he isn't in your life...he will continue to fade more and more into the back ground and you will continue to move forward and forward as you work on finding your true self, bring your sense of worth back up, and when you will get to a place where you won't settle for that crap anymore and a place where you know you deserve so much more.
I know it is hard and painful, but you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and wake up and enjoy your day instead of wondering what crap is going to happen and what he is going to do or say to you that day to bring you down. We are all here for you, we care and you are not alone. BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS.. you are worth it...you can do it.
I know it is hard and painful, but you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and wake up and enjoy your day instead of wondering what crap is going to happen and what he is going to do or say to you that day to bring you down. We are all here for you, we care and you are not alone. BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS.. you are worth it...you can do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by AdelineRose
It will get better if you fully let go of him and just focus on yourself and have no contact with him. I know that it is easier said than done but as the days go by it will get easier and easier. Every time you see him or talk to him he drags you back into the crazy hell of alcoholism and he brings you back to a bad place mentally. I know it is hard to let go, I know it is daunting and seems impossible but you can't let him bring you down- you can't let him make you go three steps back for each step you move forward. I never thought I could do it, I thought people were crazy for suggesting it- but then I found out that if you stick through it and stay taking care of yourself it slowly gets easier and easier until you can't believe you ever put up with the chaos of addiction. Think of how you felt after going to visit him- you didn't leave there is a better place after seeing him- he brought you down and chipped away at your progress. He can't bring you down if he isn't in your life...he will continue to fade more and more into the back ground and you will continue to move forward and forward as you work on finding your true self, bring your sense of worth back up, and when you will get to a place where you won't settle for that crap anymore and a place where you know you deserve so much more.
I know it is hard and painful, but you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and wake up and enjoy your day instead of wondering what crap is going to happen and what he is going to do or say to you that day to bring you down. We are all here for you, we care and you are not alone. BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS.. you are worth it...you can do it.
I know it is hard and painful, but you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and wake up and enjoy your day instead of wondering what crap is going to happen and what he is going to do or say to you that day to bring you down. We are all here for you, we care and you are not alone. BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS.. you are worth it...you can do it.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 29
Quick update - had fun yesterday... There were a few moments where I would catch myself drafting off but not to the point of all consuming. Had a trouble nightmare that he died, but prayed and feel at peace. Happy Monday!
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Originally Posted by 2261
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But it seems I'm getting fooled over and over again. My xAH fiancé got out of rehab about a month ago and was sober 44 days and this time instead of pulling way and leaned in thinking if I was around more, staying at his place we could recover together - was I so wrong. For no reason at all other then to drink he decided too. He had everything going to well for him, from having his kids back in his life, me and his business thriving again. He also had a good chance of beating his dui case. So what went wrong???? I'm completely lost and have no one but myself to blame. I know the disease very well now, why did I think this time round was different. He has never gone more then 2.5 months sober. He is my ex and he needs to remain my ex... Just disappointed and losing hope... Thanks for letting me share.
the Alcoholic's only real chance is complete Defeat. only in a state of desperation.. can they realize they will NEVER be able to drink "safely"
(in my case this was Very True)
it is Impossible to understand unless you are so Afflicted..
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