Zircon

Hi,
It's been almost 6 months since I left my home and abusive ah. Time really passes quickly. I am living in a small rental house.
This past 6 months has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Even the littlest reminder of my STBXAH, floods my mind with such feelings of sorrow, only faint thoughts of what my life might have been if my ah choose me instead of the bottle , and such feelings of relief that I left when I did.
I am trying so hard to move on with my life. It truely is a rough road, and not many people understand it, unless they have walked that road.
I have found a small house that will be my home, so I'll be moving once again. This time it's a very positive thing.
My divorce isn't even close to being settled. Don't have a court date yet.
I think what time has done for me is to see things as they should be, not how they were. And to learn to treat myself better, and to expect that treatment from others.
I hear people on this forum say" but I love him so much". That was me 6 months ago too. With time, you always will carry that thought with you, but it will be tucked away, but no longer your focus.
I am beginning to relax a little, and accept what has happened. I am focusing on all the good things happening in my life. I couldn't see that 6 months ago.
Time truely helps with the healing process. I'm feeling like a very lucky woman today, I got out when I did, my life is moving slowly but in a very positive direction.
I actually can forgive my ah for what he did to me. I'll never forget though. I know someday he will pay a higher price for his actions, than what he did to me.
Finally, I'm seeing that rainbow.
I wouldn't be here without the support, caring and advice of everyone on this forum!! I hope someday I can do for someone else what you all have done for me .

THANK YOU ALL !!!!!

Zircon

AnvilheadII

it is so good to "see" you and to read your update!

honeypig

Zircon, I'm so glad you came back for an update and even gladder that things have moved ahead for you. Yes, you've still got the divorce to get thru, but you sound as if you're coming from a place that is much more peaceful and strong than ever before.

Wishing you continued calm, clarity and strength!

Here's that rainbow you mentioned, for some joy, too:

Zircon

thank you for my rainbow!!

honeypig

And may many more come your way, my friend!

maia1234

Z,
It is always so nice to read positive posts. Yes we all have to work very hard for our serenity, but we are worth it.

Sending hugs that your new place is everything thing you need!!

Bekindalways

So very good to hear this Z. Thanks for posting.

I am hoping and praying for that divorce to get settled and the finances to be a least a teeny bit fair for you.

Sigh. Perhaps it would be better to pray for serenity for you NO MATTER WHAT but I have agonized for the slowness of your divorce. Hmmm . . . probably agonizing for a complete stranger is a symptom of codependency .

(Dee's emoticon fits way too many situation!)

firebolt

Really, really happy for you Z!

Hawkeye13

Wonderful update Z
I wish you a happy home in your new house

redatlanta

Beautiful to see this today!!! Go Zircon go!

AnvilheadII

i hope that others who are struggling with the fear and doubts about leaving, starting over, what if, will the read the strength and promise of your story Zircon. while going thru it, six months seems like three lifetimes, but it DOES get better!!! maybe not in quite the way we dreamed or hoped, but indeed BETTER.

now don't go away and not come back for another six months!!!!!

LexieCat

Happy update--so glad to hear you're feeling better. And it doesn't stop here--I think in another year or two you will REALLY feel like you have a whole new life.