journeygal

The past couple of months have been interesting, to say the least.

But something happened that has been astounding and overwhelming.

I've been coming here for two years now and have done my best to provide support to those struggling with addiction in their lives. For the most part my life was ok. I went through stuff here and there, but nothing like the stories you read here every day.

Then my world fell apart. But two interesting things happened. One, I started finding the courage to open up and talk about my struggles here. For someone who has always isolated herself and kept everything inside, this was a big change for me.

The second interesting thing is the one that keeps overwhelming me. People keep giving me unconditional love and support - a tremendous amount of it. I'm not used to that. I'm used to being criticized and told to stop being so sensitive and get over stuff.

I've cried a lot of tears in the past three days and 90% of the time the trigger has been a kind word, a hug, a supportive post, or someone reaching out to say, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I'm not used to having a support system. I'm not used to people being here for me. I think most ACOAs can probably relate to what I'm saying, which is why I posted this here.

Sharing here has given me the courage to open up to my family and friends (not my parents yet - LOL) and guess what? They've been just as supportive. It's incredible. All along I've been suffering in silence and I didn't need to. Not only that, receiving so much love is teaching me how to give it to others. I am much more outwardly loving and supportive than I used to be. And it feels good to love and be loved in return.

I just wanted to share that, b/c maybe I'm amazed.

Gabe

Maybe I'm amazed too JG.
Just another wonderful part of life in Sober Recoveryville.
No need to ever suffer in silence.
Plenty of family here to help you through the rough stuff.
You know I love you,
Gabe

Paulie

That is the biggest gift of my recovery JG, to feel the way you have just described.
Amazed...yeah that is a good way to put it.
Thanks.

Love to you!

DefofLov

(look at my signature...loving really is so much fun! Kisses for you Journeygal )

abtchonamission

JG - you have just put into words what I've been trying to explain to myself.

best

Have always been a giver. (minus my selfish stage) I had a hard time in accepting what others had to give back. Sure does feel good from either direction I would think.
That lightbulb that goes on as we learn to trust others so we can give or get.

The joy is in the giving for sure but then again sometimes it is in the getting as well. The allowing of others the joy of giving can be a selfless giving as well.


Best ,,,<<< needs to learn to say Thank you more.

Magichappens

JG,
To allow myself to be carried when I couldn't walk was just as important as helping to carry others. You have come full circle in experiencing love. Hugs, Magic

StandingStrong

Wow!! Your timing on this is amazing for me.

I have noticed in the past year just how much people do really love me. How much they are willing to give of themselves to be there for me, support me, and even offer financial support if needed.
For many years, I had always refused such help. I had gotten so defensive in my quest that I had stopped noticing when others were reaching out to me.
And then, I had a friend tell me how much it hurt her that I would never allow her to help me in any kind of way. Three days later, I had another friend give me that same speech (and they don't even know each other)!!! I really started paying attention to how many people reached out to me - and how much I declined. And then I realized also how they felt rejected by me and how they felt I had pushed them away.

It's funny really in the aspect that I was going to post here at SR and ask about other people's independance. And then I read this post and was shocked to realize that maybe it's really true that most of us are that way. We hide within ourselves to protect ourselves.

I'm so very glad that you are realizing that you have an abundance of support. It's a very beautiful gift, isn't it?

utopia

hmm, well i dont relate at all

i think theyre are always people in my lifethat tell me im crazy and that im over sensitive, that i fell in love too quickly and those that never even care when im hurting they actualy laugh or just walk away in silence or tell me to shut up.

i accept them as they are and love their humanity but unconditional love is a rare thing, ure blessed.

journeygal

You don't have to let these people be a part of your inner circle. Why not find people who will give you that unconditional love and support? They are out there, believe me.

I'm in the process of leaving my husband. I asked several of my friends what they would do if I chose to stay. They all said that they would support my decision, no matter what. You're right, I am blessed to have them. But you can too. We don't have to keep surrounding ourselves with people that aren't good for us or to us.

Take care,
JG

JT

Magic...that is the hardest part.

Hugs,
JT

Sandy Marie

amen...amen...to all you've said in your original post journeygal. I always assumed that people could read my mind. Big mistake it was! It's so important to say the words. At least that way, we know where we stand...even if it's not what we wanted to hear. In the past, I never wanted to hear the words...so I shut them out and remained silent. It became a habit.
I hope someday I can open up to my family origin...but not today. I remain silent. Glad I can be open among my support network though. Thanks for a great post journeygal.
Sandy

Sandy Marie

Utopia,
You have every right to feel this way. There are people, even those who we believe care about us, that do this to us. Rejection is a horrible, horrible thing and I think both of us have been rejected enough to understand each other. We both need a support network that can give our feelings validity. That way, when we face "these people" we can shrug them off.
I've worked very hard to cultivate a few unconditional love relationships. They've saved me from the multitude of those you speak of.
Thank you for responding, utopia. Your post was a reminder that some of us are still hurting and in need of support. I support you totally!
Sandy

noifs2day

Thanks for the reminder.