Nowsthetime

Hello all:

I hope that you are well in your corners of the world.

I have a bachelorette party in a month. The party is out of town so we are getting a suite in a hotel. I am a little nervous. I got together with some friends to plan the party and one (that knows I don't drink anymore) offered me a drink. Another one did also later but she didn't know I quit. I'm not going to drink but I am annoyed that the one offered. She hasn't seen me drink in OVER 2 YEARS!!!

I am thinking about getting my own room in the hotel. I told my husband and he got it. I am excited about it because it's going to be fun (it's an all day thing not just night partying) but I am a bit anxious about how it will go down.

Posting to work my plan. Almost 5 continuous.

Woohoo!!!

Soberwolf

Do you want to go to a party like that ?

Venecia

If it was me at five months, I'd give serious thought to not attending.

Add to that you've got friends who don't know about your drinking problem, and your quest for continued sobriety ... and the one who does offers a drink anyone.

Do you *really* need to attend this party?

uncorked

I'm 8 months sober and I couldn't do that. But if you can, more power to you! I think getting your own room sounds like an excellent idea.

Nowsthetime

I really want to go because it's one of my dear friend's party and all my friends are going. The bride knows and supports my decision not sure why the one asked. Who cares. I started this journey almost 2.5 years ago and haven't drank with them in this time. I say I have 5 months continous for accountability since I have had drinks a couple of times in the 2.5 years but the don't know. All they know is that I quit. The second one who offered and didn't know I told and she seemed ok with it.

I really believe I won't drink and I truly think it will be really fun. I have gone out with them before sober. This isn't something I do all the time and I really want to share this time with her. They have activities planned through the day that don't involve drinking (some of them will definitely be) so it will be ok.

I want that room as security, safe place...

JoeCree

I think getting your own room is a very good idea and will give you a safe space if things get a little too heavy. If anyone starts annoying you log on here and rant. Make yourself accountable and start a thread before you leave for the party, and try your best to check in to ensure you are being honest to yourself.
This is a very tough situation you will be in, so please take note that you will be in a heightened situation and must be extra cautious.

SweatyHands

I had an experience similar to this about a year into my first attempt at sobriety, and I made a plan to survive. I took a sober friend, who would not be a part of the festivities, but who would be staying in the hotel with me. This gave me a support system, and someone to make sure that I was keeping my recovery in the front of my mind. Now of course, he didn't just sit in the hotel room waiting for me to have a crisis. But, he was a text away from meeting me where ever I was, or back at the hotel. Also, there was a sober person to talk to before bed and when I woke up, to give me some reinforcement that I didn't need to drink to "fit in." I don't fit in anyway, so why be a drunken train wreck on top of it? Anyway, just something to consider.

LadyBlue0527

Hi Nowsthetime,

I understand how badly you want to go and it does appear that you're doing what's necessary to stay sober. Please be careful, even the most secure of us in the same situation could end up making the mistake of picking up. I've seen those on here who have passed up once in a lifetime events because of the alcohol factor.

In your OP there's a few scary items. You, yourself are anxious about this. Additionally, someone who knows you don't drink offered you one. If you were annoyed when the party was simply being planned think of how you're going to feel hanging out with a bunch of girls where the sum total goal of the evening is getting wasted.

I think getting your own room is a total must. Otherwise you're stuck with no exit plan due to the fact that you're out of town. Sweaty hands' idea is excellent. Bring someone with you who's sober. They can do their own thing but they're available if you need support.

Finally, change this:

To this:

Isn't it funny how the brain of a sober person works in early sobriety? We never want to use the words that commit us to not using.

I know what you meant by stating your original sentence but start committing to not drinking by making definitive statements.

Commit to no alcohol under any circumstance that evening.

Db1105

Your own rooms is a good idea. I would also find meetings for that location. There is usually a point where everyone starts getting stupid when drinking and that's where I exit.

Berrybean

I did something similar - a Hen weekend in Berlin. Luckily for me it was all close friends, but that said, they were all people who were used to being with me when I drank. The first thing I did was set out my boundaries and explain to the Bride and other bridesmaid exactly what this sobriety thing means for me. I explained that I might need to opt out of evenings early and assumed them that I would use a pre-agreed taxi company to get back to the hotel and that I would always have taxi funds on me. I explained that if I went back early or popped away for a quiet cup of tea that they should on no account feel responsible for me, but I just need to know I can get away for a bit at times, and that I wasn't sure how I would find being at a bar with bands and dancing and the like. They were all fine about it.

I had my own room. I made sure that i had the Internet set up and I checked in here often. People supported me right through it (no doubt the threads are still there although it was a while ago). I the morning I was able to get up and buy cold drinks and recovery munchies and deliver them to their hotel rooms, so any hard feelings were definitely dispersed as they were wrecks. Lol.

Although I did get through it sober, I must say that I wouldn't have done this for just ANY friend. This was a close friend. I was a bridesmaid. I'd agreed to go before I got sober. If it was anyone else I'd just go to the daytime bit and opt out of the evening shenanigans. But that's your call, obviously.

Good luck. Why not run your plan past the gang here when you've done it so people can offer advise or thoughts. They really helped me , big time.

Ruby2

I wouldn't do this. If you are going, definitely a separate room from everyone else. But consider this. You want to share this experience with your friend. What, exactly, are you sharing? How much sharing will there be in the evening when everyone is looking to get drunk and crazy? How much sharing the next day when everyone is hung over?

Also, you may have gone out with these women in the past and not had anything to drink but was it out of town? Were you with them for over 24 hours straight? Subjected to the innuendo of "can't wait to drink tonight!" or "I'll drink to that!" or "C'mon! One won't hurt you!"

You have to prepare for not just the onslaught of "girls night out" but for the all day, every day pressure. It sounds like you are anxious about it if you are firming your resolve in advance. I'd reconsider.

Nowsthetime

Thank you everyone for the valuable input.

I will get a separate room. I plan to bring my own drinks too. I have a probiotic drink that I really like. I will have my phone and access to SR and that always helps too.

Most of the people going know I don't drink anymore but I did use to drink with them. I am really close to the bride and she is supportive. There will be a pregnant lady there too so no booze there.

I am excited about it. The fact that I am going to remember everything!!!

kittycat3

Pregnant lady...ha. I thought I would have a sober sister in one of those at a hen party, and lo and behold I discovered that she decided she could have 1-2 beers at the party!!!! My booze hound friends don't even let pregnancy stop them from having their wine/beer.....

Good idea in getting your own room, and only you know your limits and can make the call on going. I've gone to plenty of these kinds of things and stayed sober, but it wasn't easy and not always fun. ( I'm so glad I'm older and don't get invited to many of these anymore. )
Even if most people no longer party like they used to, a lot of these can be excuse to live life like it was in college.

Make sure you have a way to get home early if needed, at some point you might need to make a quick exit. And don't feel compelled to stay the whole time, if it's a 3 night party weekend maybe you only go for 1 or 2 nights .....but again, your call on your comfort level.....