Eliasson

So I know why drinking appealed to me and 15 days in this time I'm really fighting cravings. I just need to escape, to numb the feelings just a little bit. I feel way too raw. I'm really normally a gentle, quiet person and today I almost lost it on a repair man. Somethings gotta give. I hate this cycle.

wshall

That's exactly why I drank. To "numb the feelings". It's not the most popular thing to say but I've come to realize I'm pretty sensitive, especially for a guy. 15 days sober is a great accomplishment and shouldn't be taken lightly. All you have to do is not drink for 24 hours. It sounds like a AA saying but when you truly start living one day at a time it makes life a lot simpler. You are going to be raw, aggravated, irritated and just plain unpleasant from time to time but allow yourself to make mistakes. Your human

least

Yes, life stinks sometimes, but not always. You're in early recovery when emotions are all over the map. Be patient. It does get better with time. Try practicing gratitude. That made a big difference in my recovery and in my whole life. It made me feel more positive, being grateful for my blessings.

Dee74

The irritability is pretty common Eliasson.

Try and remember - this is not the way recovery will always be.

Early recovery is rough - but it gets better - trust me

There's a ton of support here - maybe you can use it a little more?

D

tomsteve

early recovery does have some very raw feelings- running into life on lifes terms and doing it without drinking when the old me ran into life on lifes terms turned to a bottle- I hadda lot of learning life on lifes terms to do.

some days I just had to feel those feelings. I had to allow them and accept them.

it does get better.
keep trudging,please.

AdelineRose

The longer you are sober the more evened out your emotions will be and the better equipped you will be to handle stress and therefore you will become a more rational, empathetic, and calm person in the long run. You just need to fight through these first couple weeks.

Things will start to look up! Have you ever heard someone in a strong recovery say they regret finding recovery? No all you hear is people who had recovery say they wish they never went back or addicts talking about how "one day" they will stop.

You can NEVER feel this way again if you stick it out, or you can get back on the crazy train and never reach that end goal of a healthy, peaceful, productive life you are proud of!

Eliasson

Thank you all so much. I don't want back on that crazy train. It's just so much. I'm not sure if my husband will find a job or if our bills will get paid next month. And I need to stay away from fb and the news, everything is making me cry. There's so much cruelty out there. My heart hurts for so many reasons. I'm pretty sure I've walked thru most of my life in some form of intoxication or hungover. Learning to live without turning to a substance for comfort and escape is hard. Which I'm sure is why I've been a chronic relapser. I want to break that cycle so badly.

Caramel

I recently read this elsewhere:
"...It’s all too big and too terrible, and when we try to swallow each day’s events in one tremendous social media gulp—the killings, the politics, the hatred, the news of friends variously losing parents and pets and jobs and health—we naturally choke on it..."
So do whatever you need to do to protect yourself; for me, a mere skim of the headlines for current events is enough, unless an event affects me directly and personally. No good comes from dwelling on it.
And I consciously seek out uplifting and beautiful images and reading, and things that genuinely make me smile.
Then I will have more reserves to expend where I need to make a difference.
Best wishes.

trachemys

Tell me about it! I need to sleep, BADLY! And it's the longest day of the year. And the light just will not die!

Anna

Know that the irritability will lessen soon. You're learning to live with the feelings and you will find healthy ways to cope with the ups and downs.