LovelyKaya33333

Warning!!!!!! I am so Angry... so so so Angry.... My ex AB is such an *******...After everything I gave to him....After everything I did for him... the nights he cried to me over and over again and I held him... I helped him get his children back, cared for his kids...he told me he loved me... he told that he wanted to marry me....and now it is the nail in the coffin... His ex wife and him are moving back in together... I have lived with this man for a year... She cheated on him and left him for another man and moved straight into the mans house with the 2 children states away!!!!! we broke up a few days ago but still shared an apartment together. I have been a wreck!!! When we met he was renting a room and I had a beautiful 1 bedroom apartment. I left my apartment ( that I was happy at ) to find a 2 bedroom to move in with him so that he could get his children back and the only thing I have asked for in this whole break up is for him to please quietly move out so that at least I can have the apartment I found us ...well we are both on the lease and today he told me that he is going to fight me to keep the apartment and he is going to move his ex wife in!!!!!! to the apartment that we found together and shared a life together in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He says he is only moving her in for financial reasons and as soon as she gets on her feet they won't live together......ugh so ******* gross...... i am so ******* hurt.... i started crying in front of him when he told me...I had a melt down...he hugged me and it felt so weird so bizarre.... I am so broken... I want to crawl out of my skin... how can this be happening!!!!!!!????

Seren

Hello Kayla,

I'm just so sorry you are going through all of this, but no particularly surprised by your ex's behavior. Yes, you did everything for him...you gave, and gave, and gave, and he took and took and took. Sadly, that is typical active addict behavior. The addiction itself runs the show, and it is a very selfish beast. This man that you love will continue to use others to meet his needs unless and until he truly seeks recovery. True recovery is recognizable by its honesty, humility, and integrity. These are not hallmarks of the man you describe.

I don't have any advice about the legal ins-and-outs of your lease situation. I recommend you speak to the landlord or leasing office immediately. Yes, he wants the apartment that YOU found because he won't have to do any work. You will probably need to decide whether or not you want to fight for the apartment, or start fresh somewhere else.

I realize that what you want is for him to magically be cured, to realize what he is doing is wrong, and to humbly come to you in remorse. That is unlikely to happen because it does not serve his addictive needs.

What do you think, under the circumstances, will be the best course of action for you in the long run?

LovelyKaya33333

thank you for reply... I think that the best course of action would be to not fight for it...it is a GREAT apartment...near the ocean and has a yard etc...but I don't have it in me to fight anymore... and he also said the apartment he found was down the street if he did move...literally like 11 doors down...I don't want to be neighbors with him and his ex wife...so I think it is best not to fight it and find myself a cozy little 1 bedroom

redatlanta

I am also not surprised. I am sorry this has happened to you its very painful when people treat us like we are their servant rather than a human being. In the end he is doing you a favor because he has issues beyond alcoholism.

It sounds like you have a plan - I agree moving away from "them" is the best idea. I have a feeling BF says he is moving 11 doors away because in his twisted mind he still thinks he can get something out of you.

AS for the legalities, every state is different - though most apartments are willing to allow a lease to be broken. In this case one of you is maintaining the property so its not a lose for them. Please look into removing your name off the lease. It may cost you an adminitation fee to do so, pay it. I would NOT trust that your AB and his ex-wife are going to pay the rent. You certainly don't need further issues with collection or a bad mark on YOUR credit due to this loser.

LeeJane

So sorry for your pain and that you are going through this.

Sadly I am not at all surprised either. Typical addict behaviour. Use use use use!

Ariesagain

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

Get away. Get far, far away, because the next play in the Addict Manual will be to set you and the ex up to focus on each other while he runs back and forth saying to each of you how much he misses you and hates the other one and she's so mean and you're the love of his life bla bla bla. It's a great way to get enough drama going that he can keep using drugs and exploiting each of you in turn.

I sound terribly cynical...but I spent two years being in turns The Other Woman and The One. I have the (tear-stained) tee shirt.

Be ready. He will try to come back.

Bekindalways

This ^^^^^^^^^

Argh Kaya this must just hurt beyond excruciating. I wish there was a magic wand to wave to put you beyond the pain. However there is the reality wand, time and distance, and with this you will feel better. But as is said, time takes time.

Please, please get yourself untangled from this mess of a human being, detach, go no-contact and start healing.

Big, big, big hug to you!

LovelyKaya33333

I feel like I can't even get out out bed today. I am on 3 hours of sleep and have hardly eaten in 2 days.... I want to throw up

Ariesagain

It's time for you to get mad. Really, really mad. We enablers are so ever-lastingly willing to blame ourselves when our addicts act out...we curl up in a ball and cry instead of getting furious and fighting back. He hugged you? How utterly patronizing.

You're on that lease, too. If you don't want to leave tell him to get the hell out and move in with her and then first thing tomorrow you call a lawyer or a legal aid hotline and figure out what your rights are as a joint tenant.

Very few of us are comfortable with anger, but it's energizing and in this case completely appropriate. Channel your inner diva...she would tell his sorry behind where to put it.

Sendng you a big fierce hug.

LeeJane

Well said, Ariesagain, this is right, this is what they usually do.

LovelyKaya33333

Thank you everyone.... I think it is better to not fight for the apartment...just too much pain involved... I just want to move on a be done...find some amount of peace in all of this

findingme26

This is how I knew that I couldn't go on the way we were going. When I was so thrown and out of control myself that I wasn't sleeping, eating, or getting any work done. I'm amazed I kept my job through the worst of it! You are so much stronger than this. You deserve so much more than the life you have right now. Believe this! You can't control anything he does, but what you can control is how much you allow yourself to be exposed to it and how much you let it steal your own health and happiness. I hope you have a good network of support and maybe some Al-Anon meetings to go to?

alcoholics wife

Take this as a blessing in disguise. Make a clean cut. From now on, go absolutely NO CONTACT. He will try calling you when his ex gives him a hard time. But you need to stay strong. Change your phone number. Move your stuff out fast. No need to put yourself through WW3 for a friggin lease. Once the anger and sadness settles, It'll feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted.

NadoMama

Be absolutely sure you are removed from the lease. You don't want any liability!

LovelyKaya33333

I called my landlord today and she approved to remove me from the lease ...thank you for all of your support

caretaker88

^^^^^^Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

redatlanta

Yay!!!!

I hope you are able to move quickly. Part of your depression is being in the apartment. Changing geography will not solve everything emotionally, BUT it will help.

Ariesagain

Good, no, great for you!

Now turn your pretty face to the sun and move on.

Sending you a giant hug.