sweetichick

I wrote about the trouble I was having with my boyfriend. Problem is I picked up and now have been drinking for 2 days. I'm starting to think I am a hopeless case. The longest I have been sober was when I was in rehab 12 years ago. I've never been able to cope with the emotional turmoil that comes with giving up. I lost my kids 10 years ago and lost all contact 4 and 1/2 years ago. I miss them so much. My exhusband spent $100000 on his lawyer which is how he got them off me. I've tried to move forward with new partners/boyfriends but all I seem to meet up with is domestic violence. I'm determined to put the sherry down once I finish this bottle but how long will I last? I'm too old for a rehab now at 49 and can't afford to pay for my house at the same time. I go to AA and except for those who are homeless noone seems to have lost as much as me. Any input would be great. Please be nice as I am really down on myself right now.

Behappy1

Hey lady! Welcome! I am 45 and can I just tell y ou that if you put the bottle down and let that crap get out of your system you WILL feel better. There are a ton of resources and lots of support here. Lean on those who are in the same boat as you are. Some are further along in the sobriety, some are right where you are. Hang close to here. I understand about feeling alone and being down on yourself. Welcome and gentle hugs to you.

sweetichick

thanks behappy for the encouragement. Its nice to meet someone of similar age.

chrcarlson

sweetichick I feel for you. I've had some really dark days over the years. The first "darkest day" of my life was around 23 years old. It was so bad I wore it on my face. An elderly stranger came up to me and asked how I was. I replied "not good." He stood with me silent for a while and said "pretty nice day." It was spring in West Texas. Everything was green, the sky was blue with a few puffy clouds, the sun was warm but not too hot yet. There was a nice breeze. He was right. I mumbled "yeah, it's a nice day." Never saw that man again but I always think about what he said when I'm really down. 30 years later when I can't take anymore I go to bed early and tell myself the sun will come up again tomorrow.

The sum will come up tomorrow for you. Do the best you can with the day.

chrcarlson

sweetichick When you say "I'm too old at 49,..". Then I must be in real trouble. I quit drinking at 53 and 1/2

ScottFromWI

Welcome back sweetichick. I to finally got sober in my 40s, it's never too late. For me the bottom of a bottle/can always brought more problems, not solutions. People lose everything from alcohol, even their lives...so comparing yourself against others is not going to be helpful, but I think AA can help for sure if you enjoy the company. Do you have a sponsor or have you worked steps? I bet you could call someone that would be willing to listen and help too.

sweetichick

Thanks chr, That was a lovely story, amazing how people can come out of the blue and encourage you. Like I said to behappy, its great to meet people around my age. I can do this; just need to focus on what I can gain not what I have already lost. I'm feeling better already.

Bekindalways

Big hug to you Sweetichick! It sounds like you have had quite the row to hoe - Arrrgh.

Please, please try yet again to but down the drink. It can't be too much longer before your children are old enough to want to look for you. How would you like them to find you?

tate9685

I'm 49 too. I don't feel too old for rehab but don't have the money or health insurance. Luckily, I have SR and AA once I drag my butt back there. I've been in a lot of pain too and just trying to get some sober days together again. Try to stay here and not drink for now. You are amongst friends.

sweetichick

Hey Bka, That is always my utmost thought. Imagine if my kids decided to look me up today? Aargh, it would reinforce whatever they have been told. They are 16 and 14. The eldest is soon to finish school. I will always hold out hope.

sweetichick

Thanks Tate, its nice to here I am amongst friends, means a lot. And your the same age as me. This bottle is nearly gone so I'll stay on SR for today and tomorrow will be Day 1.

chrcarlson

Sweeti-glad to hear it. We have all lost, some more than others but none a trivial amount. Nothing to be gained wallowing in past failures, i only think about what alcohol did when I think about taking a drink.

If it's nice out tomorrow go for a walk and enjoy the simple pleasure of a nice day. It will help clear your mind.

D122y

Seems late 40s is where we decide to quit.

I binged in the end..drinking a lot just a few times a month..that wrecked me..made me quit.

Get clean. Alcohol is poison.

StormiNormi

Sweetchick, many hugs and warm prayers enroute to you from Canada.
I am 53, and lost my only child to Suicide as a direct result of my drinking.
It can always be worse... but you can choose to make it better.
Please make that choice while you still can.
Regret is the loneliest word you can ever feel.

entropy1964

Hi Sweetchick

I hope you aren't drinking today. Amazing that the thing that has caused so much pain and loss is the thing we turn to. Stunningly stupid but I have done it again and again. I have to accept that drinking is not an option for me, ever. Sounds like you need to do the same.

I have decided (I am in my 50's) that pursuing relationships is also off the table. I have to put myself together before I can be with anyone else...and I have no idea how long that will take. I am going to focus on myself, my daughter, my home, my health, my spirit. Anything that is external to these things or doesn't fully support their well being is out.

Focus on you, your health, your recovery. The rest will all in place.

Soberwolf

Good to see you back Sweetchick

AnvilheadII

in a sense it isn't so much that you LOST important things in your life, but that ALCOHOL TOOK THEM from you. that is where the true enemy lies, in the bottle. keep the enemy OUT of your life....

not sure how you figure that 49 is too OLD for rehab.....they don't have age restrictions!!! recovery is available for you any time, any day, any moment you chose. get sober, stay sober, and be well.

soberclover

I'm 49 too....most be something about this age that makes us take a look at our lives and want better for ourselves. No one is ever too old to begin the sober journey - put down the bottle.

Camery03

I am 47, and it is never too old to quit. The way I look at it, is if I continued down the path I was on, I was either going to stroke out, or die. Two things that I was not going to allow the bottle to take from me.
It is hard don't get me wrong and every day seems like a new struggle in the beginning, but it gets easier as the days go by.
Take care of your health-- it is an amazing feeling to feel good! You'll get there!

Easy2slip

Hi Sweetie - Glad you are here!

Hope you are feeling better.

Remember to take care of yourself... Right now it is important to take care of YOU..... With lots of rest and have some healthy meals each day. Oh and tons of water! You will start feeling better in a few days time.

We are here for you!