Jillian2563

Today is 10 days sober and I am very grateful for that.

What I am not grateful for at the moment, is my sister. Some of you may have read my rant from Sunday about my sister. It's getting worse. She came to pick up her daughter from me today and I had to listen to another 30+ minutes of "woe is me". I am so sick of it. Her comments that she has to work, she's done nothing to deserve everything that's happened to her, her askew perception to reality, and so on is really starting to get to me. I do not like conflict, so I just listen and nod.

She says that my husband doesn't like her because "she put it to him straight" and won't let him treat her like "that". Which is total BS. My husband and her butt heads, and he doesn't particularly care for her b/c of her actions. We have helped her many times this year when she fell on bad times. She tries to make it out like we don't help, that she is doing US a favor by giving us $40 for gas and lunch to move her stuff 30 miles away.

My niece has been with me the past two days and I guess my son told my niece I was pregnant, which in turn she told her mom. My sister asks me, so is true? I tell her yes and then she tells me that's part of the reason she's so upset. That we will never be the same because of my husband and sorry if she's not excited about the pregnancy. She tells me that my mom won't be happy either.

I am so over my sister. After talking to a friend and cousin (who both live 5+ hours away) I think I really need to take a break from my sister. I know it seems harsh, but I will just have to start ignoring her calls and requests. I just can't do it anymore. I am tired of the insults that she nonchalantly throws my way. She makes me feel like **** and I don't need this right now. She says when she graduates college (mind you she's been attending 10+ years) she is going to move away since there's no real reason to stay here and we have no family. I wish she'd do it already!!!!

On another note, my husband ran into an old friend/coworker of mine that kind of knows our history, and he told her the news, and she started crying and was excited for us (well at least I hope they were good tears and not bad now that I think about my sisters reaction). Hubby facetimed me so that I could see her and she seemed happy for us. She's a busy lady and I haven't really gotten to talk or see her in the last few years. I need more friends like her.

So I am assuming my mom now knows. I don't know how to feel about it. If I should feel bad because I didn't get to tell her or worried about her reaction.

With the way the world is going, I don't know how to feel anymore. I want to enjoy this pregnancy but my sister even said she probably wouldn't have a babyshower for me. I never got one with my first one 12 years ago anyway. And if I did have one this time, I don't know who would come because I don't really have any friends. Oh great my damn sister is rubbing off on me.

Jillian2563

The only thing keeping me sober right now is this baby. Going to work on some "homework" my therapist gave me last week. I didn't get to see her yesterday b/c I had to reschedule (didn't have the extra money this week).

entropy1964

Well I learned the hard way that I allow people to treat me the way they do. It's so hard with family but really, when a person makes you feel this way? Yeah, time for a break. She's being a toxic drain on you. It doesn't have to be drama filled and full of conflict, just pull away. Sometimes I ask myself, what advice would I give my daughter if she were feeling this way? Or some other person I care about. You are right to protect your boundaries.

Hang in there.

bluedog97

I have a very similar family. Everything is about them, regardless of the affect on me. They actually expect me to put up with it. As painful and mind bending as it is, I've realized they're never going to change. I'm in a position now where I'm forced to deal with them, but I look forward to the day I can move away to severely cut down my interaction with them.

It's tough because they're your family, but I've learned ultimately I need to look out for myself.

bluedog97

Thanks for sharing Jillian,BTW. I don't post about my family much, but it's a big reason I drank. Sharing my experience is carthartic for me.

ScottFromWI

That "homework" is something you can control and do that will likely benefit you. Worrying about your family won't...they will act and do as they will, you cannot change that. As frustrating as it might seem, you need to ignore the drama and focus on you.

FormerWineGirl

I had to step back a number of years ago from my family (mom, dad, and brother) in order to preserve my own sanity. The mental drain was just too much, and it was having a negative impact on me.

Try not to let your sister get to you. You may have to tell her that you are feeling stressed, and that you simply can't deal with drama right now.

least

Don't engage her. Don't participate in the drama. Rise above it and focus on yourself and your sobriety.

Anna

Jillian, I don't think it's harsh at all for you to step away from your sister. I think you need to do what is right for you and your family, especially now that you are pregnant. You need to be especially careful of your physical and mental health for the sake of your baby.

I think if you stay focused on your path you will meet more people like your friend who is genuinely happy for you. Sometimes removing someone from your life who is toxic creates a place for someone wonderful to come along and impact your life.

Jillian2563

Thanks everyone for your support and listening to me rant on. I think it's time I quit helping her although she needs it right now. She's losing her other friends too and she wonders why. Maybe she'll figure it out, but right now it's not my problem. She's too much for me to handle at this time.

Soberwolf

Congratulations x

Jillian2563

I prayed last night that I didn't have to see her today and prayer was answered. She texted me some bull crap about her kids not wanting to come over and how she blah blah blah, so I blocked her so I can't receive her calls or texts for right now. She's such a hypocrite and manipulator. Ok rant over. I'm done lol.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you did some good things there Jillian - praying and blocking the texts. Taking care of yourself is of utmost importance at this time.

uncorked

Wow. Has your sister always been so miserable? You were right to block her, good for you. You need positive people in your life, especially now that you're pregnant (congratulations, by the way!!) I am sorry you're going through this. Try not to get sucked into her life as best as you can.