Intimacy and alcholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 1
Intimacy and alcholism
Hi all, I am new to here and posting my first question.
My partner is an alcoholic, we've been together for 5 years and in that time he has been addicted to oxycontin, for which he now takes suboxone, and now alcohol. Usually a bottle a day. I've just started to attend al-anon meetings. I realised I was always so angry and needed to reach out. The meetings are great but there are things I do not feel comfortable talking about in the meetings.
Our sex life and intimacy has always suffered. While he was on oxy it was non- existent, now we can have sex sometimes but it can be difficult for him *********************** He does not admit to this, however I am aware it goes on.
This has destroyed my self esteem and I have tried being very open and suggested trying ****************** together, and other ideas, but it seems to me he is happy with things this way. I however am not.
Any ideas? I'm at the point where I'm ready to end things, because on top of the alcoholism there are also these issues, seems like a losing battle.
My partner is an alcoholic, we've been together for 5 years and in that time he has been addicted to oxycontin, for which he now takes suboxone, and now alcohol. Usually a bottle a day. I've just started to attend al-anon meetings. I realised I was always so angry and needed to reach out. The meetings are great but there are things I do not feel comfortable talking about in the meetings.
Our sex life and intimacy has always suffered. While he was on oxy it was non- existent, now we can have sex sometimes but it can be difficult for him *********************** He does not admit to this, however I am aware it goes on.
This has destroyed my self esteem and I have tried being very open and suggested trying ****************** together, and other ideas, but it seems to me he is happy with things this way. I however am not.
Any ideas? I'm at the point where I'm ready to end things, because on top of the alcoholism there are also these issues, seems like a losing battle.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 05-30-2016 at 05:06 PM. Reason: Way over the line, we have children reading
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I do not see an overnight solution to your current situation.
I think it is a healthy first step to acknowledge that the relationship is not going in the direction you need/want/desire.
What are you willing /able to do to get yourself to a better place.?
You certainly matter, and I appreciate you speaking up for yourself.
I think it is a healthy first step to acknowledge that the relationship is not going in the direction you need/want/desire.
What are you willing /able to do to get yourself to a better place.?
You certainly matter, and I appreciate you speaking up for yourself.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
kmuay.....here is my observation.....that "pressuring" him to have sex is a largely futile exercise....why?.....because, I can tell you, for sure, that there is little that strikes fear to a man than not being able to perform. Their ego is soo tied to this!When they try to perform, and can't, they feel very inadequate....and that just compounds the situation, more....
Since he is able to perform in other situations--such as you mentioned---for one thing, you and he know that the physical equipment still works (pretty amazing with the daily alcohol...lol...he must still be fairly young)
AND.....without a partner, there is no fear of not performing and the embarrassment and loss of self esteem......
It is said that the brain is the m ost powerful "sex organ". If the emotions are not there or are "messed up".....it is a real block to performance...even if the physical parts function, well. Even the popular ED drugs don't work if the brain part isn't right. The ED drugs do not turn a person on.
It is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. But, as mainmaitreya just said...the drinking and the relationship issues need to be addressed before the intimacy follows suit......
Now, this is just my take on this issue....
dandylion
Since he is able to perform in other situations--such as you mentioned---for one thing, you and he know that the physical equipment still works (pretty amazing with the daily alcohol...lol...he must still be fairly young)
AND.....without a partner, there is no fear of not performing and the embarrassment and loss of self esteem......
It is said that the brain is the m ost powerful "sex organ". If the emotions are not there or are "messed up".....it is a real block to performance...even if the physical parts function, well. Even the popular ED drugs don't work if the brain part isn't right. The ED drugs do not turn a person on.
It is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. But, as mainmaitreya just said...the drinking and the relationship issues need to be addressed before the intimacy follows suit......
Now, this is just my take on this issue....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
People !!!! Please !!!! We have children reading !!!
Do you want _your_ 10 year old child to come show you this thread ?????
Seriously, we are G-rated and fully open to the whole internet.
Please take this into PM. "Intimacy" is one thing but the topic here is way more physical. I am forced to close this thread because it has popped every alarm in all the rating agencies that give SR it's "G" rating. You have _no idea_ the kind of trouble we can get into.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Do you want _your_ 10 year old child to come show you this thread ?????
Seriously, we are G-rated and fully open to the whole internet.
Please take this into PM. "Intimacy" is one thing but the topic here is way more physical. I am forced to close this thread because it has popped every alarm in all the rating agencies that give SR it's "G" rating. You have _no idea_ the kind of trouble we can get into.
Mike
Moderator, SR
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