JimC60

A few weeks ago a pastor friend who has recently moved to another church in the area asked me to speak at a drug awareness program at her new church. Although the event was open to the public, she expected mostly pastors and lay ministers from neighboring churches to attend.

She asked that I address how addiction affects the family of the addict; a topic which all of us here would be qualified to address. I accepted the invitation with no idea what I would say.

I modified a Nar-Anon and Narateen meeting list and resource guide which I had from another event and included the following note of thanks aimed squarely at the pastors -- I shared this later at my Nar-Anon home group:

" A NOTE OF GRATITUDE TO THE CONGREGATIONS
As you peruse this list of 14 local meetings of Nar-Anon and Narateen, note that only 2 are held in locations other than a church. This meeting facility pattern is repeated for meetings of Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Alateen and other Anonymous programs.

For lack of affordable meeting space, these vital programs of hope and recovery would not survive without the unwavering support provided by the faith community; we are forever grateful for your loving outreach and generosity.

Thank you from all of the groups!"

In the weeks that followed I had some time to go back through old e-mails to my select group of confidants and form a general time line along with a few quotes and notes of significant events.

The day of the event came and even when I arrived, I still only really knew my opening lines -- "My name is Jim, I am the father of a 24 year old heroin addict; she is recovering in her third rehab and I am gratefully recovering with the help of God and my Nar-Anon home group."

The crowd was as predicted, about 20 ministers, lay ministers and a very few from the general public.

I was scheduled next to last on the list of speakers. A second generation female dentist spoke just before I did, she is very active in a professional dental organization -- trying to educate her colleagues as to the addiction issues associated with Vicodin and Percocet which are commonly prescribed following oral surgery. Her focus was over prescribing of pain killers -- too many, for too long a period and greater than needed dosages. She also related some stories and observations from her practice, 1) opiate users are very difficult to "get numb" and require higher than normal dosages of Novocaine and 2) the people that she sees that are "difficult to get numb" are also the ones who express a "need" for a large quantity of post-op pills -- she resists their demands.

She was the perfect segueway (sp?) into my story, my daughter began her drug addiction journey with Percocet; prescribed after she had her wisdom teeth removed.

I simply worked my timeline and told OUR stories of recovery and relapse through the present. I am not exactly sure what I said or did not say, just that whatever I said came straight from my heart. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat......

I traced our involvement with Nar-Anon and this website, stressing the importance of finding kindred spirits so you do not feel so alone in the struggle. When I wrapped it up, the audience broke into applause for the first time during the event, so I must of done OK -- my wife told me "You done good!". It was a therapeutic experience for me.

So, if you get the chance to speak in support of your recovery program, do it -- it is a win / win for you and for the audience. The more education and understanding that gets out to the public, the better.

Keep coming back,

Jim

Bekindalways

Well done Jim.!!

Ann

Well done Jim. Speaking from the heart is the most poignant and honest way to express not just how it "is" but how it "feels" and I think it touches any audience far more than a preparation of words on a paper.

For many years I spoke occasionally on "family night" at a large rehab, I'd usually make a short list of points I wanted to cover and then just tell it from the heart like you. I haven't done that for a very long time and may look at doing it again. My story has changed over the years and I am not uncomfortable talking about it.

I wish you had a bigger audience of peers, Jim, so many people could learn from what you have to say. And I think it's one of those special blessings that you spoke right after the dentist who shared about perocets.

God bless you for sharing your light. Even among those in the audience my guess is there were several who have loved ones struggling with addiction and your words will help them more than you will ever know.

Hugs

JimC60

Ann,

"........I am not uncomfortable talking about it...."

I know what you mean, for better than a year after my daughter went to rehab for the first time, I /we hid the truth from almost everyone. Then last September we organized, hosted and MC'd a drug abuse seminar at our church -- we "came out of the closet" at that event.

In addition to church members, there were many people in attendance that were working a program of some sort - NA, CA, AA, Nar-Anon - I got up to introduce our key note speaker and started with "My name is Jim and my daughter is a recovering heroin addict." HI JIM! the crowd roared back, many church members had no idea what to make of that, but it certainly got their attention.........and the key note speaker held it as she wove her and her daughter's stories of addiction, recovery, relapse and ultimately death from an overdose.

"Even among those in the audience my guess is there were several who have loved ones struggling with addiction ......." My biggest surprise came after the last reading and prayer -- we had reached the published ending time for this event. A young 30-ish pastor jumped up before the crowd stood up to leave. She said she had not planned to share at this event and that she understood if people need to leave -- but that she would like to speak. No one left.

She proceeded to share a short version of her cocaine addiction from age 15 to 19 -- the crowd was stunned -- many knew her, but had no idea about her addiction. When she finished, my wife and I told her "Thanks for sharing, keep coming back!"

The crowd divided into two segments, one group pounced on her and the other came to me -- the meeting after the meeting . Luckily my wife went to her and managed to wrangle a commitment to speak to our Nar-Anon group in the future.

I guess I am not being very "anonymous" anymore -- when appropriate, I prefer the role of advocate or ambassador for recovery.

One day at a time,

Jim

Ann

Jim, I respect the anonymity of others but personally am open about my own life when among those who understand or who need to hear my story.

My son never minded me sharing, I always tried to keep things from MY point of view and about my codependency but of course his addiction behaviour was a part of it all. Yet he never minded and I let him know I never minded if he shared about me, good or bad. Sharing our stories helps us as much as others.

Your church group sounds like a great group of people and I hope they will keep some kind of "open forum" open to let newcomers from all sides of addiction know there is help and hope.

Bless you and your church for having the courage to talk about what so many keep as one of those dirty little secrets that rarely are secret at all. Opening a dialogue is like opening a window and letting some fresh air in the room. I can only imaging some of the people sitting there quietly thinking of how good it felt just being surrounded by support, and maybe finding the courage to go to a meeting and find help.

I may not attend many meetings anymore, but I carry my program with me in all aspects of my life and will always be grateful for those who went before me who were willing to share their own stories and what helped them. I try to pass it on whenever I can.

Hugs

Anaya

Well said, Ann.

Thanks to Jim, Ann, and all those who reach out to those suffering in silence. Your contributions are invaluable.