Guilt, shame and anger, oh my!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
Guilt, shame and anger, oh my!
Well, I finally lost my composure with my home situation. Per my understanding of the posting rules, I'm going to skip the details. I'll just say that *very* unacceptable things happened while we were gone to work.
When they came in, I told them that they were no longer allowed inside my home when my husband or I weren't here because I couldn't trust them to be responsible and I didn't feel safe leaving them here without knowing what was going on in my home. I said that they could spend the night, but when we left for work, everyone else must find somewhere to go, too. I told them that I loved them, that I still knew how special and good they really are when they're themselves, but that they were behaving like addicts and only considering their own needs, even at the cost of other people's needs and safety.
Rather than stay here at night and leave during the day, they chose to move out. It was really, really dramatic but no raised voices, name-calling, etc.
I'm just in a whirlwind of emotions. I don't think I've ever taken action out of anger before. I feel horribly, horribly guilty. But it wasn't just me the situation was hurting. It was taking its toll on my dogs, my husband and myself.
I had already wanted them to go because I felt like I was buying their drugs/alcohol by providing all of their necessities while they blew through his whole check on substances. I explained that to them earlier this week. I just wish that when I finally put my foot down, it hadn't been in anger. I don't think I would have ever made them leave if I hadn't gotten angry, though.
When they left, my brother and I hugged and both said we loved each other. And I do love him. Our whole lives, we've been best friends. We've been through awful things and we've always supported each other. My mind is filled with memories, of hard times like us holding hands watching our home blaze. Of silly stuff, like him helping me sneak in when I was late for curfew. Or watching late night television and eating too many snacks.
And I keep thinking about where they are now. They're somewhere they shouldn't be, without electricity or water. And it's so hot outside. And I don't think they'll buy food. I don't know how much they'll use, since they don't have anyone to try and pretend to be normal in front of. I'm afraid for them. I don't know how to help them. I keep looking at the blanket on the couch thinking that at least if they were here, they wouldn't be at risk of heat stroke. What if they die in the heat? What if they overdose? There are so many what ifs.
It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I'm afraid. If they're gone, I'm afraid of what will happen to them. If they're here, I'm afraid of what they'll do to me, hubby or my dogs - both mentally and physically. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I can't think of any scenario or anything I can do where I don't feel like I'm hurting someone that I love.
I wish I could afford to pay for rehab for them. But I don't think they'd go if I could. They still think I'm crazy for saying they have a problem. I think the escalated problems this week were retaliation for saying they did...
I don't know how to put my heart back together.
When they came in, I told them that they were no longer allowed inside my home when my husband or I weren't here because I couldn't trust them to be responsible and I didn't feel safe leaving them here without knowing what was going on in my home. I said that they could spend the night, but when we left for work, everyone else must find somewhere to go, too. I told them that I loved them, that I still knew how special and good they really are when they're themselves, but that they were behaving like addicts and only considering their own needs, even at the cost of other people's needs and safety.
Rather than stay here at night and leave during the day, they chose to move out. It was really, really dramatic but no raised voices, name-calling, etc.
I'm just in a whirlwind of emotions. I don't think I've ever taken action out of anger before. I feel horribly, horribly guilty. But it wasn't just me the situation was hurting. It was taking its toll on my dogs, my husband and myself.
I had already wanted them to go because I felt like I was buying their drugs/alcohol by providing all of their necessities while they blew through his whole check on substances. I explained that to them earlier this week. I just wish that when I finally put my foot down, it hadn't been in anger. I don't think I would have ever made them leave if I hadn't gotten angry, though.
When they left, my brother and I hugged and both said we loved each other. And I do love him. Our whole lives, we've been best friends. We've been through awful things and we've always supported each other. My mind is filled with memories, of hard times like us holding hands watching our home blaze. Of silly stuff, like him helping me sneak in when I was late for curfew. Or watching late night television and eating too many snacks.
And I keep thinking about where they are now. They're somewhere they shouldn't be, without electricity or water. And it's so hot outside. And I don't think they'll buy food. I don't know how much they'll use, since they don't have anyone to try and pretend to be normal in front of. I'm afraid for them. I don't know how to help them. I keep looking at the blanket on the couch thinking that at least if they were here, they wouldn't be at risk of heat stroke. What if they die in the heat? What if they overdose? There are so many what ifs.
It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I'm afraid. If they're gone, I'm afraid of what will happen to them. If they're here, I'm afraid of what they'll do to me, hubby or my dogs - both mentally and physically. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I can't think of any scenario or anything I can do where I don't feel like I'm hurting someone that I love.
I wish I could afford to pay for rehab for them. But I don't think they'd go if I could. They still think I'm crazy for saying they have a problem. I think the escalated problems this week were retaliation for saying they did...
I don't know how to put my heart back together.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
WeakGirl.....they will never do what they need to do until they HAVE to...and, as long as they stayed with you and getting a free ride...they never will.
You did the right thing. Trust us when we tell you that.
You did the best thing for all of you...including your dogs.....
dandylion
You did the right thing. Trust us when we tell you that.
You did the best thing for all of you...including your dogs.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,012
Hey WG, as horrible as it feels to do what you just did, it is exactly the best thing for everyone and most of all for your brother. I'm afraid there is no good way to do this; it just needed to be done.
Pray hard (if you are a believer) and take care of yourself, husband and dog.
Pray hard (if you are a believer) and take care of yourself, husband and dog.
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