Wastinglife

I have been struggling with my alcoholism for 10 years. I have an underlying mental disorder that I don't think has been addressed. I am 39, chronically unemployed, single, no hobbies, no interests, no social life. In fact, I spend most of my time in my apartment watching TV/surfing the net or drinking alone in bars. I have no contact with old friends and rarely see family.

I literally do nothing. I have no clothes or possessions. I am unhirable because of a DUI, bankruptcy, and spotty job history. I feel hopeless. My family pay for me live but I don't see them. I've spent the last 5 Christmas holidays alone.

I drink because of this hopelessness. The money I could use for clothes/food often goes to booze. I am paralysed by indecision and helplessness. I can't even clean my apartment.

I have adhd, but there is something else. I have such low self worth that I am incapable of even keeping up my personal appearance. I don't know how I allow myself to live like this.

Alcohol provides instant relief from this hell.

How do I help myself??

Bunny211

I hear you. I hated not drinking because drinking was the "solution" to my worthlessness. Without booze I had nothing.

What worked for me was working a 12 step program of recovery in AA. I do Big Book Step Study (Hyannis). Some other great Big Book groups are the Pacific Group or the Atlantic Group.

I highly suggest you check out a Big Book Step Study meeting!!

ScottFromWI

You've had a lot of threads like this Wastinglife and you've been offered a lot of suggestions for things you might to do pull yourself up out of this hole.

You ask how you can help yourself - there are many things you could do today to help yourself.

1. Go to an AA meeting
2. See a doctor
3. Call your local alcohol/drug resource to get options for help
4. Call your family
5. Admit that drinking makes everything worse and pledge to not drink.

Bottom line though, you say "I literally do nothing". You cannot expect anything to happen if you don't do something about it.

Cherrybreeze

Alcohol actually contributes greatly to the depression, the "instant relief" isn't that at all. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my teens, and while I'm only on day 14, I'm amazed at how sunny my disposition has been the last two weeks. I expected the depression to be a constant, and while I'm fighting mood swings, my mind being clearer has kind of been a revelation.

Hobbies? Do you write, knit, draw, play music? Do you want to? Take a passion and run with it, use it to fill your time. I learned how to crochet and have for years, but not lately. I am digging into a project at the moment to occupy my mind and fill my time. Even if you don't have hobbies like that now, maybe start on one that interests you? You can learn to do a lot online!

Hang in there. Keep posting and reading here.

Nonsensical

Hitting myself in the face with a brick provides instant relief from my backache.

Maybe it's time to look for something more sustainable?

Step 1: Stop hitting myself in the face with a brick.

tomsteve

first you have to want to help yourself. no ones gonma come and get ya sober,straighten out yer life, and make you happy- you gotta do that.

after you want to help yourself, get into action. lots of great suggestions given to ya over the years.

youre not unhirable. i have a friend that spent 12 years in prison for actions much worse than DUI and was workin within 2 weeks of release. built himself a great life from there.

entropy1964

I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless. And to be honest, I'm sorry your family is supporting you. That sounds like a terrible thing to say, but I'm guessing its pretty much enabling you not to change. My late husband gave his kids money, all of them, and was there to rescue them every time they fell. It only hurt them long term.

The people in AA don't care what you look like. I would start there. You could also do volunteer work at the food bank, or homeless shelters. If you do something, something will happen. If you do nothing, nothing will happen.

Just take one small step. Go to a meeting, help another person. If you refuse, your life will never change. You really can do this!

least

What Scott said. You can't expect things to just get better without you doing something about it. So do something. Scott gave you several good suggestions. Pick any one of them and do it. You've got to start somewhere.

Wastinglife

It almost seems like I don't want to help myself. I have been to therapy and AA but it doesn't seem to stick. I'm afraid to really open up to people. I've never been able to be honest with myself about how deep my troubles are. I have social anxiety so AA is tough for me

thomas11

Bingo. Take action. I am guessing in order for you to eat and drink every day it takes some type of initiative right? You must gather some money, get dressed, go to the store, buy your stuff, get back home, flip on the TV or computer and start drinking. You took action.

Use that energy to take a different type of action, and Scott has laid it out pretty well. I think someone on here says quite often "nothing changes if nothing changes. Cmon boss, you can do it.

Anna

Yeah, I also agree with Scott's suggestions. Taking action, doing something, will help you to feel better. Even if you have to push yourself initially, it will be worth it. Your self-worth will begin to return when you start to take care of yourself.

firstymer

You came here. You told us what is going on and that you are wanting to change. That tells me that you DO want to help yourself.

You just need to point yourself in the right direction and take advantage of the resources that are out there to help you make the changes that you want to make.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread. I hope you will give yourself a chance. What have you got to lose?

Good luck. I hope you will keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Wastinglife

The last 5 years have been my struggle. I lost a lot of close friends, a long term girlfriend, even my own mother wants nothing to do with me. to go from being surrounded by friends, colleagues, and a relationship to absolute isolation was really hard.

thomas11

I'm sure it was hard, but the way you reacted to the changes was an unhealthy one. I'm sure at this point it is pretty routine.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm pretty sure that no one is going to come knocking on your door tonight and everything will be wonderful. You must dust yourself off and start from scratch. A coach around here has a saying he uses about the sports team he coaches. He builds them brick by brick. In other words, one step at time. And after awhile he's got a pretty good team. But it all started with the first brick.

firstymer

....and, think of how you will feel when you are able to re-introduce the new, sober, healthier, productive you to your family, friends and colleagues.....

You can do this, Wastinglife. Like thomas11 says, one brick at a time....

Dee74

That was exactly my life wastinglife

First step obviously is stop drinking. Do whatever you need to do to make that stick.

Rebuilding my life took a little time, an some initial energy. I posted a lot here...I got involved in volunteering in my community which got me out of the house and back around people. It also got me doing something useful and that made me feel good.

I'd lost a lot of drinking buddies and some loved ones too but I reconnected with other friends who I'd drifted away from years before due to my drinking.

I was determined to fill my life with purpose again. That meant no sitting around watching TV.

If you think you're depressed (and I was) or you have other mental health issues then make an appointment to see your Dr. I ended up having some counselling and later I accepted the need for meds.

That's what I did. Your path might be different - but you'll never know what your path might be unless you do something to find it

D

Venecia

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I know it must be hard.

You asked how to help yourself. I would start by realigning your thinking. If you think of alcohol providing instant relief from your hell, you need to think again.

Alcohol is your hell.

Start by recognizing you *can* get sober. SR is full of personal stories to attest to the fact that if you're sober, and stay sober, the rest of it has a tendency to fall into place. Not immediately, but with time.

Cahabr

You will never get past social anxiety as long as you drink. I've struggled with social anxiety and panic attacks for years. I would get severe twitches in meetings and sometimes have to walk out, thought I was going to die. I also have pulled off the highway in a complete panic dreading going to work that day. I did not start to improve until I cut out the drinking.

There were a lot of other things that helped.. meditation, positive thinking (writing down counters to negative thoughts), better regular sleep, exercise, and on and on. But even with all that, every time I started drinking again, the social anxiety came back. The hangover from alcohol increases the area of the brain that causes anxiety. You will need to quit to get past that, no other way around it.

August252015

Re the job thing- there are companies who specifically hire people with records/addiction/etc - one is Krystal, in most places. Do some research since you have a computer - heck, google variations on jobs for those with criminal records or whatever!

Everyone else made great comments so I won't repeat, but will just say - it can seem OVERWHELMING to do ANYTHING. But, somehow, sometime, if you want to get healthy, YOU HAVE TO. DO SOMETHING. START. It gets easier, just like muscles and exercise. If you are in the dire straits you describe, perhaps make three simple goals: ex, for Friday, get up by 9 and shower. Eat breakfast; second, watch a recovery movie online (sign up for a free trial of one of the services if you don't have a subscription!); third, don't drink. Consider that a good day! Then keep going and add to it as you can, pushing yourself a little more each day.

Good luck - as my daddy said to me for AGES - "you can do this - but YOU are the one who has to do it." So, do it.

SolidKarma

What I would recommend doing, ASAP, is to get online and find some IOP (intensive outpatient rehab) programs near you. Unless you live in the Sahara desert, there has to be some. Call them tomorrow and explain your situation. I bet they will get you a scholarship for the program.

These are great because the groups are small, and it will get you used to being around people and opening up. They last usually around 3 months, and then I would start going to AA daily. Find one that works for you. I had to try many different places/times until I found the right ones. Once you meet people there that have what you want (happiness) do what they do. Get a sponsor. Work the 12 steps.

This is what I did. (100 days today, thank you forces of the universe!)

Good luck friend.