My New Life
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
My New Life
For the first 30 something years of my life I spent my time fighting myself.
I regret that I resented my shyness and introversion, and that nobody ever encouraged me to embrace them as inherently good qualities.
"Shyness is simply a human difference, a variation that can be a form of richness." ~ Marco Battaglia.
I used to dream of strutting into crowds and charming people with witty one-liners. And to some extent, I still do. In fact, it's a common dream of many silent and forgotten shy people who dream of the glories of limelight. Who dream of the euphoria's of a slackened tongue and loosened nerves. Frequently however, they find themselves the mute outsiders. The social fringe dwellers. Those strange people with the downcast eyes, nervous mouths, and hunched shoulders. Shyness is seen as an affliction. And certainly it makes social situations more difficult, even excruciatingly painful in my experience. But shyness, a cognitive difference that occurs to 30% of people, isn't a plague. For me in fact, it was and still is a miracle.
Shy people quickly learn to rely on themselves. Gone is the need for what Susan Cain, the popular author of "Quiet", terms groupthink. Shyness naturally results in autonomy, independence, and self reliance. This is a great skill, allowing the shy person to function without the prerequisite need for other people. Therefore, shy people rarely become needy burdens to others, but learn to evaluate and motivate themselves, by themselves.
But one day, I stopped walking around and asking everyone else if I was worthy.
I stopped hanging my confidence on the cheap, too-sweet icing of other people’s opinions.
I stopped wondering if I was good enough.
I decided to believe it, unwaveringly.
No more hiding. No more silence. No more apologizing for everything I did and said.
I have written here a lot about my family. My sister. My controlling narcisstic mother.
Now I still live with my parents. I had planned on moving out by the end of July as it will be my Grandmother's first anniversary and I know she loved me and would want me to be happy. But my wages are very poor. I did my sums and knew it would be hard.
So I did an interview several months ago, I heard nothing until this week when I was offered a three-month contract initially. So better pay and I have three months to impress.
I currently work in rental property. When I handed in my notice my boss said "I'll be sorry to see you go but congratulations". I told him when I get a deposit together I'll be back to see if he has a room to rent for me. He laughed and said no problem.
So I have a new "boyfriend"...kind of. A new job and a new life. All as a result of no drink.
I wanted to thank you all for giving me a voice.
All the help and support.
And it can be done. I am living proof of that. My father called me "a miracle" the other day.
My therapist said "see? Good things do happen to good people".
So to anyone who is struggling, suffering or in pain tonight, I have my usual candle lighting. And don't give up.
I regret that I resented my shyness and introversion, and that nobody ever encouraged me to embrace them as inherently good qualities.
"Shyness is simply a human difference, a variation that can be a form of richness." ~ Marco Battaglia.
I used to dream of strutting into crowds and charming people with witty one-liners. And to some extent, I still do. In fact, it's a common dream of many silent and forgotten shy people who dream of the glories of limelight. Who dream of the euphoria's of a slackened tongue and loosened nerves. Frequently however, they find themselves the mute outsiders. The social fringe dwellers. Those strange people with the downcast eyes, nervous mouths, and hunched shoulders. Shyness is seen as an affliction. And certainly it makes social situations more difficult, even excruciatingly painful in my experience. But shyness, a cognitive difference that occurs to 30% of people, isn't a plague. For me in fact, it was and still is a miracle.
Shy people quickly learn to rely on themselves. Gone is the need for what Susan Cain, the popular author of "Quiet", terms groupthink. Shyness naturally results in autonomy, independence, and self reliance. This is a great skill, allowing the shy person to function without the prerequisite need for other people. Therefore, shy people rarely become needy burdens to others, but learn to evaluate and motivate themselves, by themselves.
But one day, I stopped walking around and asking everyone else if I was worthy.
I stopped hanging my confidence on the cheap, too-sweet icing of other people’s opinions.
I stopped wondering if I was good enough.
I decided to believe it, unwaveringly.
No more hiding. No more silence. No more apologizing for everything I did and said.
I have written here a lot about my family. My sister. My controlling narcisstic mother.
Now I still live with my parents. I had planned on moving out by the end of July as it will be my Grandmother's first anniversary and I know she loved me and would want me to be happy. But my wages are very poor. I did my sums and knew it would be hard.
So I did an interview several months ago, I heard nothing until this week when I was offered a three-month contract initially. So better pay and I have three months to impress.
I currently work in rental property. When I handed in my notice my boss said "I'll be sorry to see you go but congratulations". I told him when I get a deposit together I'll be back to see if he has a room to rent for me. He laughed and said no problem.
So I have a new "boyfriend"...kind of. A new job and a new life. All as a result of no drink.
I wanted to thank you all for giving me a voice.
All the help and support.
And it can be done. I am living proof of that. My father called me "a miracle" the other day.
My therapist said "see? Good things do happen to good people".
So to anyone who is struggling, suffering or in pain tonight, I have my usual candle lighting. And don't give up.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 58
Shy people are very often highly sensitive and can feel emotions and others vibrations. I used to think of it as an affliction but recently read a book called The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. It's actually a gift. I was told over and over as a child by father, teachers etc that I was "too sensitive" so was my mother. It wasn't hard to hurt my feelings and I never understood why everyone was so cruel. Highly sensitive people are at risk of addictions. That's why sober addicts are some of the most compassionate people around.
And yes, staying sober is key. 
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Tetra, I am someone who has always turned to books to help guide me. The book you mention by Susan Cain "Quiet, the Power of Introverts" is an amazing book and it sounds like it has helped change your life. I am very happy for you.
I'm so glad for the great new changes in your life - you deserve this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: United kingdom
Posts: 360
That's a great post. As a 6ft broad shouldered bloke who is shy, anxious and cowardly I've always struggled with life thinking why I'm not a rough and tough, fighting machine who charms the ladies. I also still struggle but do believe that the knowledge that my quiet, kind and reserved nature has given me the ability to be an extremely good listener and hugely compassionate. These are good qualities but I sometimes still wish I was that confident brave warrior.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 194
Originally Posted by Tetra 
For the first 30 something years of my life I spent my time fighting myself.
I regret that I resented my shyness and introversion, and that nobody ever encouraged me to embrace them as inherently good qualities.
"Shyness is simply a human difference, a variation that can be a form of richness." ~ Marco Battaglia.
I used to dream of strutting into crowds and charming people with witty one-liners. And to some extent, I still do. In fact, it's a common dream of many silent and forgotten shy people who dream of the glories of limelight. Who dream of the euphoria's of a slackened tongue and loosened nerves. Frequently however, they find themselves the mute outsiders. The social fringe dwellers. Those strange people with the downcast eyes, nervous mouths, and hunched shoulders. Shyness is seen as an affliction. And certainly it makes social situations more difficult, even excruciatingly painful in my experience. But shyness, a cognitive difference that occurs to 30% of people, isn't a plague. For me in fact, it was and still is a miracle.
Shy people quickly learn to rely on themselves. Gone is the need for what Susan Cain, the popular author of "Quiet", terms groupthink. Shyness naturally results in autonomy, independence, and self reliance. This is a great skill, allowing the shy person to function without the prerequisite need for other people. Therefore, shy people rarely become needy burdens to others, but learn to evaluate and motivate themselves, by themselves.
But one day, I stopped walking around and asking everyone else if I was worthy.
I stopped hanging my confidence on the cheap, too-sweet icing of other people’s opinions.
I stopped wondering if I was good enough.
I decided to believe it, unwaveringly.
No more hiding. No more silence. No more apologizing for everything I did and said.
I have written here a lot about my family. My sister. My controlling narcisstic mother.
Now I still live with my parents. I had planned on moving out by the end of July as it will be my Grandmother's first anniversary and I know she loved me and would want me to be happy. But my wages are very poor. I did my sums and knew it would be hard.
So I did an interview several months ago, I heard nothing until this week when I was offered a three-month contract initially. So better pay and I have three months to impress.
I currently work in rental property. When I handed in my notice my boss said "I'll be sorry to see you go but congratulations". I told him when I get a deposit together I'll be back to see if he has a room to rent for me. He laughed and said no problem.
So I have a new "boyfriend"...kind of. A new job and a new life. All as a result of no drink.
I wanted to thank you all for giving me a voice.
All the help and support.
And it can be done. I am living proof of that. My father called me "a miracle" the other day.
My therapist said "see? Good things do happen to good people".
So to anyone who is struggling, suffering or in pain tonight, I have my usual candle lighting. And don't give up.
I regret that I resented my shyness and introversion, and that nobody ever encouraged me to embrace them as inherently good qualities.
"Shyness is simply a human difference, a variation that can be a form of richness." ~ Marco Battaglia.
I used to dream of strutting into crowds and charming people with witty one-liners. And to some extent, I still do. In fact, it's a common dream of many silent and forgotten shy people who dream of the glories of limelight. Who dream of the euphoria's of a slackened tongue and loosened nerves. Frequently however, they find themselves the mute outsiders. The social fringe dwellers. Those strange people with the downcast eyes, nervous mouths, and hunched shoulders. Shyness is seen as an affliction. And certainly it makes social situations more difficult, even excruciatingly painful in my experience. But shyness, a cognitive difference that occurs to 30% of people, isn't a plague. For me in fact, it was and still is a miracle.
Shy people quickly learn to rely on themselves. Gone is the need for what Susan Cain, the popular author of "Quiet", terms groupthink. Shyness naturally results in autonomy, independence, and self reliance. This is a great skill, allowing the shy person to function without the prerequisite need for other people. Therefore, shy people rarely become needy burdens to others, but learn to evaluate and motivate themselves, by themselves.
But one day, I stopped walking around and asking everyone else if I was worthy.
I stopped hanging my confidence on the cheap, too-sweet icing of other people’s opinions.
I stopped wondering if I was good enough.
I decided to believe it, unwaveringly.
No more hiding. No more silence. No more apologizing for everything I did and said.
I have written here a lot about my family. My sister. My controlling narcisstic mother.
Now I still live with my parents. I had planned on moving out by the end of July as it will be my Grandmother's first anniversary and I know she loved me and would want me to be happy. But my wages are very poor. I did my sums and knew it would be hard.
So I did an interview several months ago, I heard nothing until this week when I was offered a three-month contract initially. So better pay and I have three months to impress.
I currently work in rental property. When I handed in my notice my boss said "I'll be sorry to see you go but congratulations". I told him when I get a deposit together I'll be back to see if he has a room to rent for me. He laughed and said no problem.
So I have a new "boyfriend"...kind of. A new job and a new life. All as a result of no drink.
I wanted to thank you all for giving me a voice.
All the help and support.
And it can be done. I am living proof of that. My father called me "a miracle" the other day.
My therapist said "see? Good things do happen to good people".
So to anyone who is struggling, suffering or in pain tonight, I have my usual candle lighting. And don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Thanks. What a lovely uplifting post.
I bought that book for a work colleague a week or so ago, and we went to a meditation day together yesterday. She is not alcoholic but is often in a painful place due to emotional anxiety. Possibly she is codies as well. I hope that it helps her to see in herself what others see.
Anyway. I'm so pleased things are going well for you. Marvellous news.
I bought that book for a work colleague a week or so ago, and we went to a meditation day together yesterday. She is not alcoholic but is often in a painful place due to emotional anxiety. Possibly she is codies as well. I hope that it helps her to see in herself what others see.
Anyway. I'm so pleased things are going well for you. Marvellous news.
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