Polaroid

That's why I just want to continue to sleep. My dreams are great, the nightmare happens when I wake up. The anxiety is through the roof, it's absolutely EXTREME. Plus some sweats and shakes. I already suffer from anxiety, even before alcohol became a problem, and I'm certain the anxiety is why I started to drink in the first place. Well, it just makes it worse.

I've been pacing around the apartment, panting, feeling doomsday is right around the corner. I had three beers that calmed me down a bit.

I'm not gonna drink much today. I know I shouldn't drink at all, but I'm worried about withdrawal complications. In December I had four seizures from withdrawal. Four. The doctors said I almost died.

Why do I keep getting myself into this vicious circle... Just a week ago I was fine, sober. But temptations took over, and things escalated quickly.

Can't believe I haven't kicked this yet... I was even at rehab for four months, December through March. When I left, the doctor said I was 100% healthy (liver values, cholesterol, etc.)

Then I go and mess it up again? I'm so done... really, I'm sick and tired of this. I'm getting nowhere if I continue. This HAS to be it, it's been 6 years.

Dee74

Hey Polaroid

if you're worried about withdrawal why not see a Dr?

you could be in a whole better place in a couple of days?

D

entropy1964

See a dr. Detox sucks but it sucks less with medical help. And trying to taper? Pretty tough stuff. Hang in there.

RainyDay107

I totally relate on the horrid anxiety the next day. Good luck with getting sober and keep us posted.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that Polaroid, I know that awful cycle all too well myself. I'd also recommend professional help with detox, especially if you had seizures last time around. Please be safe!

Opivotal

If I had a history of seizures, I would definitely recommend making an appointment with your Doctor, Polaroid.

The Doctor can also help you with your anxiety. Please don't suffer needlessly through detox, doesn't matter how you got in this situation again.

We've all faced similar situations. Make this your last, do it the safe way.

thomas11

Hi Polaroid, first and foremost, yes, see a doc if you feel it necessary. You obviously know the dangers.

I could have written your post, and it is what made me quit. I did not lose everything, instead the fear and panic and doom was more than I could handle. Its no way to live. Please take care of yourself, and I can assure you, when you quit drinking, it will go away.

Anna

Don't hesitate to call the dr if you need help, and I hope this is the last time you go through this.

D122y

Totally relate. Thanks for the post.

Anxiety...life is so new. The world is a scary place.

Walking up bleachers is a nightmare for me. Omg...

Driving on the highway in the rain.....yikes...

But, dealing w work issues....so much better...

Sleep...omg...i sleep so hard now...

Relaxing in my man cave....champ here....

Working out....beast mode....

So...i found my strengths....they pull through...

My weaknesses are getting resolved as we speak...

Thanks.

Delilah1

Welcome back Polaroid. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Considering how your body reacted the last time you detoxed I think seeing a doctor would be very wise. They will be able to help you with the detox and anxiety.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR.

Polaroid

Hey guys, thanks for the replies. Just an update;

Things haven't been that bad since the morning of Wednesday. (it would take a LOT to beat that, holy ... )

My therapist said I should try to taper, with the help of some meds (anti-seizure), and that's what I've been doing.

I'm down to around 7-8 a day, from 20+ just a week and a half ago. I know it still is a lot, but... I think this is going the right way.


It's like I have a rubberband, stretching it slowly until it almsot breaks, where I need to have another one. Then, repeat, pull it all the way back, and stretch it slower, and slower... (random analogy, sorry)

AdelineRose

I'm sorry things are tough right now, do you have a doctor that you are honest with that can refer you to a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction? Self medicating will not solve your anxiety, it will only make it worse. Going to a substance abuse counselor and getting on medicine for your anxiety and depression might really makes things a whole lot easier- it did for me at least.

It is a horrible feeling to know what we should be doing but not being able to commit to sobriety nevermind recovery. I remember I used to be so pissed that I ever even discovered I had a problem, I would be so jealous of the young me that got high and didn't feel guilty. The good thing about guilt though is that it helps open our eyes to what we are doing wrong.

You can do this, keep moving forward and if you can't stop drinking over night then continue to drink less and less. Checking into a medical detox might be a safer route though, be careful seizures are not something to take lightly.

least

It seems to be common in Europe to recommend tapering off alcohol, instead of taking benzos for a few days. I think that would be torture, to have to control what I can't control.

Polaroid

least and Adeline. I understand what you guys are saying. However, the thing is, I am already on medication for both depression and anxiety. (zoloft, valium). I know it's a terrible idea to mix benzos and alcohol. But again - these also prevent seizures. It's real complicated, but I know what I'm doing, trust me. I've been doing this loads of times before, on and off. My guess and hope is I'll be down to 0 on Monday.

I miss two weeks ago, playing volleyball, especially. Some serve aces, some spikes, blocks.... it really does give you a rush when you feel you accomplish something. Same with bandy. I love team sports, and I want to get back there.

Polaroid

Aaand... I'm also developing an app for a smartwatch. Tough to believe I wrote this two weeks ago, but now... I have a real hard time understanding....

Polaroid

How can I stop when I feel my shoulders are almost literally burning?

ICanDoBetter

Stop the anxiety? The dreams? The drinking?

Polaroid

I'm like that guy I met a rehab, let's call him "Ken" ...

He said if I don't have enough at home to make it through the day, he would panick. Just like me, so I think it's very psychological, not neccerally physical.

I'm done though. Done with this. I'm really starting to think I may check myself into the hospital for a couple days.. for a detox. It would be safer, and more comfortable I guess, than staying at home trying to taper off myself.

Thank you all, for your replies. And I aplogize if I come here just when I feel everthing is critical.

You gotta put your own life vest on before you can help others, right...?

Fabela

Du må redusere størrelsen på bildet, du ødelegger hele tråden.

Go to the ER, you need help getting through this. PM me at anytime, sweetie.

Polaroid

Ow, sorry, 4k screen on my laptop. I've asked the mods to delete it.

And thanks, I'm really thinking about it.