Ento

Day 1 after finishing off the worst binge of my life. I lost my job, didn't go to a uni exam and I almost lost everything. I am what you would call a functioning drunk. I can keep everything up for apperances and that is why I went back to the bottle.

I got some really bad medical news and I used that as my excuse. I used everything as an excuse. The truth is that I am just week willed and wanted to drink as I couldn't stop.

I am going to try sticking around this time. I need to or I will end up dead.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Ento, glad you've decided to get serious about it this time. You'll find a lot is support here if you stick around, consider joining the class of May thread.

You say that you call yourself a "functioning drunk". Do you still feel that's true after losing your job and neglecting your education due to drinking?

Ento

I would say I am a functioning drunk as I got medical certificates and secured other work to fill the money void. I even renegotiated my exam time and wrote a 15k word assignment. I am a bit like spephen king. My creative juices flow on the bottle.

I am over feeling sick all the time, the manky stringy hair, the waking up and skulling a 6 pack as breakfast. I want to be sober and a good mrs and mother.

Easy2slip

Your last sentence is the one worth repeating..

You want it ! You can do it !

gleefan

You've come to the right place. We all have a common goal - sobriety - and encourage each other to reach that goal.

least

Glad you're back. I hope this time you want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Hevyn

Good to see you, Ento. You're back with more determination - you can definitely do this.

Ento

I know if there was any alcohol here, I would drink it then go buy more. I know I can't have any in the house. I crave it and want it and I just can't have the temptation in my life.

I started sobriety day 1 today by making sure there is none.

thomas11

Sometimes it takes drastic measures to remain sober. Not having any around is a good start. I believe you will thank yourself in the future for remaining sober.

I also would somewhat agree with Scott, you say a functional alcoholic, yet by your own admission lost your job and neglected your education. You won't have to do that again by not drinking. Keep it going. Stay close to this forum.

CaseyW

Welcome back, ento!

Stephen King has been sober for almost 30 years now and has written some darn fantastic books in that time.

Dee74

Stephen King gave up a long time ago. He's still writing tho - some of the best stuff of his career.

Good to see you back Ento - stay sober and you wont believe how truly functioning you can be

D

Anna

Ento, I'm glad you posted. I remember running around trying to fix up the messes I'd made while drinking, and it was exhausting. I'm glad you are getting through Day 1 and moving on.

Soberwolf

Nice to see you Ento

Ento

I will hopefully be attending AA tomorrow. I have found a local group and would have gone today but feeling too awful. Withdrawal is really really bad.

joandmelandhan

Hi Ento. I gave also been "functioning" for years but can feel the cracks appearing. Day 4 for me. Good luck and get whatever help you need 😊

Hawkeye13

You know, I used the drinking / creative juices excuse for decades.

As you get older, it doesn't work as well because your health is going down the toilet.

Functioning is a stage, and that stage passes. . .
glad you managed to salvage the situation somewhat,
but comes a time where you won't pull it out of the hole.

You will be a far better wife and mother, as you say.
Take care and you can do it
Post here first if you are tempted and we can help

waywardson8260

You can do this Ento!

AdelineRose

Welcome back!

You can NEVER give up, your life is worth fighting for! YOU matter.

You aren't "weak willed" you just aren't forming a recovery plan and getting all the resources that you need.

It took me changing my phone number, deleting all my contact, getting a doctor that specializes in addition, getting a substance abuse counselor, and getting a full psych evaluation by a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction. I found out I was bipolar, so I went on meds for bipolar, depression, and anxiety. Once I got that under control, getting sober was ALOT easier.

Lots of counseling and working with my doctors extremely closely have allowed me to make a plan that works for me. I am cut off from all my druggy friends, no one can get in touch with me and I don't have their phone numbers anymore. I told the truth to my ENTIRE family grandparents and all and they have all rallied around me with love and support.

You need to find what YOU need to be sober, and then do it and never look back!

Keep trying! None of us got there the first couple (sometimes hundreds) of time!

Ento

Today has been awful symptom wise. Vomiting, shakes, heart palpitations and now I can't sleep.

I had AV telling me a few drinks just to stop the symptoms was all I needed but managed to not go down that rabbit hole.

AV tries everything to get me to drink and offers all the excuses. I told it that If I just push through then this is the last day 1 ever and I don't want to negotiate.

I have also been thinking about what caused my last binge. I wwas told I have an abnormal growth and that it needs biopsy asap but they have a long waiting list. I decided to wollow in my own self pity and used the bottle to try to disassociate.

Work stress, uni stress, kids stress, life stress if what causes me to want to drink. I am looking at the upside. No work means less stress and more time with the kids plus less money and tempation to drink.

Thankyou everyone on here for being so supportive.

thomas11

Fight through it Ento, you can do it. And as you probably know, all that stress you feel is compounded with drinking. Stress is stress, but its much worse when we are cycling between being drunk and withdrawing or hungover.