thomas11

I have been thinking about doing this for awhile, I want to write down how my drinking progressed.

I feel wholeheartedly that I did not have a problem with alcohol until 2005. I was running my business and would drink 3-4 drinks every night, and would basically do the same on the weekends. Physically I handled it pretty well, but there were occasions I would over do it, and in addition I was starting to become an absent husband without even realizing it. My wife one day told me she would stay late at work because she didn't like coming home. This hurt, but didn't stop me. This went on for about another year, and then we had a "sit down" and we decided that I needed to stop drinking during the week.

The transition from having a few drinks every night after work to not having any was tough.I am a habitual person, and that was my habit. But, after 2-3 weeks I had developed a new normal, and it wasn't bad at all. My wife was really happy. But this change in pattern ultimately led to my demise.

Since I did not drink during the week, I did my damnedest to make up for it on the weekends. I drank hard Thursday night thru Sunday evening. This went on for a couple years and ultimately this was worse than daily drinking. Every week it would take me until Tuesday evening to feel human again. This was the first time I think I was starting to experience withdrawals, but didn't know it. I didn't know what withdrawals were until a serious bender in 2013 and learned about it on the internet. During this period, I would drink THursday evening, Friday afternoon and evening, most of the day Saturday and Sunday. Felt like death on Monday. The worst.

Business started getting pretty darn good in 2013, and my wife was once again saying I was drinking entirely too much when I was "allowed" to drink. And she was right. So I cut back to Friday/Saturday and occasionally Thursday night. This formula actually worked pretty well, but of course like anyone with a problem, about once a month I'd over do it and have to make amends with someone. I'm sure there was a bender in there somewhere. My benders were ridiculous and happened when my wife was out of town. If I could swing it, I would drink from morning til night. Somehow I managed to sober up enough to accomplish the work week.

The final straw was about one year ago, my wife was gone for a week and I was drinking constantly. I fell and got hurt. I had a long road ahead of me for recovery and was taking strong medications for various things. Things that when mixed with alcohol could kill. So I had plenty of time to reflect on my drinking history, it was just prior to that time I had found SR and was learning about alcoholism and the struggles people encounter. Adding all of this up and seeing how folks with long terms sobriety had accomplished great things, I decided it was time to try and get sober. And that was when this whole transition started.

No one can predict the future, but I'm fairly certain that if I did not get serious about my drinking that the remainder of my life would have been disappointing and inextricably linked to alcohol. I would have never reached my potential. I might still not reach my potential, but at least I have a fighting chance. NOTHING bad has happened to me as a result of stopping drinking. There, now its official.

Easy2slip

Thanks for sharing.... I see some similarities in my past and yours.

The last lines you wrote - above - is classic and everyone should read that!

Best regards,
EZ

thomas11

In writing this out, I completely forgot about an important part I wanted to document. At my worst, the hiding and sneaking.

I had a 1.75 of liquor in the garage hidden behind some paint cans as a security measure. Liquor stores are closed here on Sundays. So if I drank everything on Saturday night, I'd be screwed. I also kept a water bottle hidden in my office filled with booze and I would have two cans of soda on my desk. One was a 50/50 drink, and the other was straight soda. In my infinite wisdom, if I felt really crappy in the morning I would have a little hair of dog in my office. Again, this was only weekends, but doesn't matter. So I'd be sipping my mixed soda sometimes as early as 8AM to feel "normal". Then after noon I would openly drink. When I think about this now, I realize how skewed my thinking was. Somehow I thought it wasn't that bad. Even sadder, I did this voluntarily, no one forced me to.

CaseyW

I do also think I vaguely recall you posting sometime about rum (or maybe some other kind of booze) bottles in your work truck, thomas11.

Thanks for sharing all of this. It's important for all of us to remember where we come from if we want to get where we're going. I especially appreciated the last paragraph in your first post above.

letitgo

Amazing how the littles things add up to the bigger picture. Great post!

FormerWineGirl

Excellent post, thanks for sharing!

thomas11

All I can say is that I certainly hope this site is anonymous, because I have bared my soul here. I feel it is a necessary part of healing.

Steve3929

Thomas, great post sir. Writing out how we got here has to be tough. I doubt I could do it. Your story is impressive and I can only congratulate you! Well done