Hi everybody! Anhedonia and no sense life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Spain
Posts: 6
Hi everybody! Anhedonia and no sense life
Hi everybody!
I'm a new user here. I was reading this forum the last weeks.
First of all, I have to say sorry for my English if I make some mistakes due to I'm from Spain.
I would like to introduce myself. I have written here because I feel a lot of identifications with many of you. I'm almost 26 years old. I haven't drank since the last October. I always have been social drinker. I didn't need to drink every day, but when I drink I can't stop. I have been a bridge drinker.
I started drinking when I was 13 years old. The first years I drank hard drinks almost every weekend. The drinkings were to vomit or to be very drunk. "Uncounscious!!"
I was a little shy, and I had fear a lot of social things and responsibilities. Because when I was a child, I was protected to my older brother (1 year older). All of child responsibilities were always for him. He was happy to be this role with me .
But when he started to go with girls I felt a little different without him. Because we were together most of the time.
My friends wanted to start to drink and I saw that I had to start to be independent. I wanted to grow up. The alcohol helps me that security. I had a little fear with the relationship with the girls.
In the puberty I felt that my friend were changing except me. I continued to be a child. That feeling has been with me all time. I continue to feel a child although I have tried to be it and the others don't realize it. And I thought that finally I get to feel like an adult.
I thought that the alcohol would have helped me to feel a little adult. But my feeling is that I'm still a child in the most of the aspects. I'm almost 26. I have had some relationships with the Girls, and I feel empty. I don't enjoy with sexual relation. I'm not Gay because I don't feel a sexual attraction to the boys. Sometimes I have been confused about that because emotionally I feel secure if some guy stay with me but it's not sexual. The feeling of fall in love is a memory when I was 13 or 14, because I didn't feel it again.
I am not capable not have a relationship with a girl. I have had various, but really I feel empty.
Years ago I haven't been getting any erection in the mornings o when I get horny. Because I am never excited.
I'm tired about this anhedonia in everything. Without sense of life. I feel bad because I feel younger that my cousins that they really are 9 years younger that me. I have effort to be an adult. I have worked and I have been independent, I have studied. But without sense.. I have a lot of difficults to be concentrated, to finish things, to take a decision....
I don't watch movies because I don't feel identify with any guys and the stories. Maybe I have watched less that 10 films in the last 5 years.
Moreover, I think if alcohol could stunt grow up physically because I'm much lower than expected.
The thing is if it's possible to finish the anhedonia? To feel sense of life and feel real love? I remember that's feeling when I was a child o teenager,
Now, I don't drink but I'm in a big depression after figth with these feelings. I am very worried if the brain damage is irreversible. Will I grow up some day? I want to have a "normal" life...
Thank to read me! A big big hug and encouragement for you!
I'm a new user here. I was reading this forum the last weeks.
First of all, I have to say sorry for my English if I make some mistakes due to I'm from Spain.
I would like to introduce myself. I have written here because I feel a lot of identifications with many of you. I'm almost 26 years old. I haven't drank since the last October. I always have been social drinker. I didn't need to drink every day, but when I drink I can't stop. I have been a bridge drinker.
I started drinking when I was 13 years old. The first years I drank hard drinks almost every weekend. The drinkings were to vomit or to be very drunk. "Uncounscious!!"
I was a little shy, and I had fear a lot of social things and responsibilities. Because when I was a child, I was protected to my older brother (1 year older). All of child responsibilities were always for him. He was happy to be this role with me .
But when he started to go with girls I felt a little different without him. Because we were together most of the time.
My friends wanted to start to drink and I saw that I had to start to be independent. I wanted to grow up. The alcohol helps me that security. I had a little fear with the relationship with the girls.
In the puberty I felt that my friend were changing except me. I continued to be a child. That feeling has been with me all time. I continue to feel a child although I have tried to be it and the others don't realize it. And I thought that finally I get to feel like an adult.
I thought that the alcohol would have helped me to feel a little adult. But my feeling is that I'm still a child in the most of the aspects. I'm almost 26. I have had some relationships with the Girls, and I feel empty. I don't enjoy with sexual relation. I'm not Gay because I don't feel a sexual attraction to the boys. Sometimes I have been confused about that because emotionally I feel secure if some guy stay with me but it's not sexual. The feeling of fall in love is a memory when I was 13 or 14, because I didn't feel it again.
I am not capable not have a relationship with a girl. I have had various, but really I feel empty.
Years ago I haven't been getting any erection in the mornings o when I get horny. Because I am never excited.
I'm tired about this anhedonia in everything. Without sense of life. I feel bad because I feel younger that my cousins that they really are 9 years younger that me. I have effort to be an adult. I have worked and I have been independent, I have studied. But without sense.. I have a lot of difficults to be concentrated, to finish things, to take a decision....
I don't watch movies because I don't feel identify with any guys and the stories. Maybe I have watched less that 10 films in the last 5 years.
Moreover, I think if alcohol could stunt grow up physically because I'm much lower than expected.
The thing is if it's possible to finish the anhedonia? To feel sense of life and feel real love? I remember that's feeling when I was a child o teenager,
Now, I don't drink but I'm in a big depression after figth with these feelings. I am very worried if the brain damage is irreversible. Will I grow up some day? I want to have a "normal" life...
Thank to read me! A big big hug and encouragement for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, IgresAlp. Congratulations on your sober time. Like most of us, it sounds like you are unable to stop with 1 or 2 or 3 drinks like "normal" drinkers do. Because of that, the smartest thing we can do is to not drink at all.
I think it would be wise for you to see a doctor about how you are feeling. I think you may find that there are things that can be done to make you feel better. But you have to know what is wrong first. A doctor can help you with that.
Good luck.
I think it would be wise for you to see a doctor about how you are feeling. I think you may find that there are things that can be done to make you feel better. But you have to know what is wrong first. A doctor can help you with that.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi IgresAlp, welcome back to the site and compliments on your English, it is very good.
Congratulations also on your sobriety and quitting drinking in October, that sounds like a big firs step in getting to the bottom of your anhedonia. You describe a typical alcoholic in saying that once you started you couldn't stop even if you didn't drink every day. That is a huge red flag.
I think firstymer is right that a visit to your doctor would be a good place to start. You really could have a mild (or more severe) care of depression that could be treated with therapy or medication that could get you back to feeling normal. Feeling like you don't relate, lack of sexual desire or pleasure (even when masturbating), bak of purpose are all symptoms of depression.
Without having a look at your whole health picture it is hard to know though, only your doctor could tell you that. Can you can for an appointment?
In the meantime, keep up the sobriety and reach out here any time you want.
Congratulations also on your sobriety and quitting drinking in October, that sounds like a big firs step in getting to the bottom of your anhedonia. You describe a typical alcoholic in saying that once you started you couldn't stop even if you didn't drink every day. That is a huge red flag.
I think firstymer is right that a visit to your doctor would be a good place to start. You really could have a mild (or more severe) care of depression that could be treated with therapy or medication that could get you back to feeling normal. Feeling like you don't relate, lack of sexual desire or pleasure (even when masturbating), bak of purpose are all symptoms of depression.
Without having a look at your whole health picture it is hard to know though, only your doctor could tell you that. Can you can for an appointment?
In the meantime, keep up the sobriety and reach out here any time you want.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Spain
Posts: 6
Thanks for this welcome
Hi! Thanks for this welcome! 
Yes, I have a new appointment with the doctor.
I have gone to two Psycologists. They said that it's anxiety or obssesions. But I haven't felt anxiety before, but how they say that visit I have felt the true anxiety.
I would like to know if it's some neurologist. Is possible to see the brain damage with some brain scan?
I am worried if it's too late, irreparable because I started too young.. .
Yes, I have a new appointment with the doctor.
I have gone to two Psycologists. They said that it's anxiety or obssesions. But I haven't felt anxiety before, but how they say that visit I have felt the true anxiety.
I would like to know if it's some neurologist. Is possible to see the brain damage with some brain scan?
I am worried if it's too late, irreparable because I started too young.. .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by IgresAlp 
Hi! Thanks for this welcome!
Yes, I have a new appointment with the doctor.
I have gone to two Psycologists. They said that it's anxiety or obssesions. But I haven't felt anxiety before, but how they say that visit I have felt the true anxiety.
I would like to know if it's some neurologist. Is possible to see the brain damage with some brain scan?
I am worried if it's too late, irreparable because I started too young.. .
Yes, I have a new appointment with the doctor.
I have gone to two Psycologists. They said that it's anxiety or obssesions. But I haven't felt anxiety before, but how they say that visit I have felt the true anxiety.
I would like to know if it's some neurologist. Is possible to see the brain damage with some brain scan?
I am worried if it's too late, irreparable because I started too young.. .
Yes, I believe you can see brain damage using various tests. It is unlikely that you have done anything to damage your brain thus far, but if you feel better checking you can ask your doctors for certain tests.
I also was convinced I had done something to myself and had every test I could find. MRI, CAT scans, ecography, electro-cadriagram, EEG, etc. etc. I had blood tests, personality tests, etc. etc. Nothing was wrong with me except I was an alcoholic.
Talk openly and honestly with your doctor. Sometimes they are busy and just push you off. Be willing to stand up for yourself. Tell them you are tired of living like this and you want to try and find answers. I am sure there are medications you can take or therapies to help you.
You have a long life ahead of you, you can find joy, I know it. Again, staying away form alcohol will only help you.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by IgresAlp
The thing is if it's possible to finish the anhedonia? To feel sense of life and feel real love? I remember that's feeling when I was a child o teenager
I found it helpful to look back on my life at times I was happy before alcohol took over . What was I doing? Can I do those things again?
For me it was hiking, woodworking, and helping people. Those things give me a sense of satisfaction and achievement. Once I identified those things I started working on ways to be able to do them again.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Spain
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I found it helpful to look back on my life at times I was happy before alcohol took over . What was I doing? Can I do those things again?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Generally anhedonia isn't a permanent state. I will admit that once the "pink cloud" of early sobriety wore off I was in a haze of anhedonia, just "being" and feeling out of sorts. In my case it was needing to learn how to experience a feeling that didn't come out of a bottle.
Your doctor should be able to help, too. Could be a chemical imbalance in the brain that would respond to medication.
It's good to have you with us, IgresAlp!
Your doctor should be able to help, too. Could be a chemical imbalance in the brain that would respond to medication.
It's good to have you with us, IgresAlp!
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
You might want to look into this: rsfMRI effects of KB220Z? on neural pathways in reward circuitry of abstinent genotyped heroin addicts. - PubMed - NCBI
The research in the article focuses on reward deficiency syndrome in heroin abusers, but it has been used for others, including weight loss. The idea is to regenerate synaptic function and get dopamine flowing naturally again. I haven't tried it but it seems to show promise. It's available as an over the counter supplement. Synaptagenx, Synaptalean, and others.
The research in the article focuses on reward deficiency syndrome in heroin abusers, but it has been used for others, including weight loss. The idea is to regenerate synaptic function and get dopamine flowing naturally again. I haven't tried it but it seems to show promise. It's available as an over the counter supplement. Synaptagenx, Synaptalean, and others.
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