madgirl

Yesterday I felt super jittery and emotional - cried off and on, and felt waves of anxiety and sadness. I ended up walking 8 miles - 4 of it with my looney barking beagle girl, and 4 of them alone.

I made a simple supper and wanted to go out for yet another walk but I could tell my son wanted to chat with me (this doesn't happen every day with a teenager ) so I hung out, still feeling that nails on a chalkboard sensation. When drinking, I would have been in my car and on the way to the wine store with that feeling - instead I listened to Pearl Jam and did some yoga poses until the feeling passed.

Son and I ended up watching a scary movie which for some reason struck us as funny and we laughed a lot together. That felt really nice - the laughing.

Still experiencing insomnia every single night. Last night I was up until quarter of three. I read more of The Stand. I have been avoiding all but one cup of coffee in the morning, have been walking a lot and do not drink sodas, so I have no idea why I can't sleep. Hoping the insomnia passes soon.

I did find an AA meeting which was scheduled for 7pm, but spouse texted said he wouldn't be home until late and so I elected to stay with son since he wanted the company.

Today I did turn in the paperwork for volunteer opportunities at the YWCA, so I am hoping they call me soon. Really want to get out of my head and back into the world.

Thanks for reading. I read here every day and right now this forum is my rock.

tursiops999

hey madgirl, sounds like you're using a lot of good tools for getting through the uncomfortable moments. Insomnia is stressful for sure ... warm baths & hot milk at bedtime? Congrats on day 39 ... you're doing well.

Anna

Madgirl, it sounds like you are doing really well.

I love to hear that you're walking a lot and the volunteer work sounds like a great idea.

Soberwolf

Congratulations on day 39

madgirl

Thank you! Really really trying and taking all of your suggestions to heart.

2muchpain

Sounds like your doing great madgirl. Sounds like your doing a lot of healthy things and staying busy. That's real important. Pretty soon those good habits will just become part of your routine and the thoughts of drinking will become less and less. John

Dee74

39 days is awesome madgirl - things will get even better, you'll see

D

madgirl

I hope you guys are right about it getting easier. It's the witching hour where I live - absolutely stunningly gorgeous outside, house is clean, dinner in progress, windows open, dog walked - and while I am enjoying all of this sensory awesomeness, I am also thinking of that glass of pinot noir.

But it wouldn't be one glass.

It'd be the whole bottle. I'd get sloppy, emotional, unstable. The dishes wouldn't get done. I'd pass out and wake up horrified, guilty.

I'm doing ok playing the tape to the end and all of that - but I do worry about when I am employed again - how will I handle that? I guess just one day at a time, and be grateful for right now.

gleefan

Way to use your sober tool kit. 39 days is great! Trust me, with time, it gets even better.

Breaking the associations of everything with alcohol takes time and practice. For me it got easier with every sober day.

thelatheguy

It sounds like you had a great day. Congratulations on day 39. It definitely will get better as you move forward on your journey. It has for me. Peace...out

stillpooh19

Keep up the good work! I had insomnia really bad but it does get better!

D122y

Hi madgirl,

I relate. I drank when i was happy. I drank when i was sad. I drank.

Alcohol is poison.

Soberwolf

Have a great day today x