Candabear

I have been with this person for 3 months now. During these three months he went to rehab. I stuck by his side and have been extremely supportive of his recovery. I am also learning to deal with the fact that he cannot spend as much time with me as he did in the past.
Yesterday (after he did not call for 2 days) he called while I was at work. I asked him what was going on and he dropped a bomb. He said he did not kno wif he could be in a committed realtionsship with me and we needed to talk face to face. My heart sunk. This talk could not happen yesterday. So we are going to talk today.
I know that addicts are taught that they should not be in a relationship for a year. I also know that I was with him though this wole process and have struggled with the fact that I had gotten into a realtionship with someone in this condition anyway.
He says he does not wat to hurt me but it does.
I do not know what to exepct from tonights conversation. I also do not know how to deal with this appropriately.

Any suggestions or comments are welcome!

Thanks,
Candabear

Moontime

As an addict when I started to get clean, I had to work on myself first. Recovery for me came/comes first before anything, because whatever I put in front of my recovery I will lose or have lost. Maybe he feels like he was in a co-dependant relationship and needs time to get himself together, this happened to me. I'm only speaking from my experience.

Candabear

I understand about the whole putting yourself first thing. Even I do that!
I just don't understand I guess. I wonder if i give him some time that eventually he will be ready for this.

I don't know what to say to him to make him understand my point of view and how I feel abou tall of this. It is not just the A that goes through pain in recovery.

Moontime

My sponsor tells me if you really love someone let them get the help and if it was suppose to happen it will happen. There will be a time when he does an inventory on relationships and if he does it thorough like I did, he will see the love that was given to him by you. My disease seperated me from everything that I loved and everything that loved me. It wasn't until I got some recovery in me that I noticed this.

Candabear

Moon,

Thank you very much for your wise words.

Candabear

nutz

i'm a recovering addict and been in a relationship with
another recovering addict. it's not easy.
you notice i say "recovering". there's no cure.
my partner had relaps for over five years. she subtitute gambling
for drugs. good lord..i've never spent $1000 on drugs in one night.
probably $400000 in the past five year.
she complains and wants more out of life and blame me for not
giving her enough.
the truth is..all she do is gamble and will do and say anything to get her
fix.....but she hasn't taken a drink in over 6 years
to keep it short....it's a heartbreak.
i love this woman with all my heart.
my love for her will never be enough
anything i do for her will never be enough.
i can continue to suffer until my dying day and it still won't be enough
that's why i'm NUTZ
it bankrupt me, emotionally, mentally, spritually, and finacially.

the truth of the matter is ..the ism is only skin deep.
the problems is much deeper..

i'm starting to understand co-dependent a little better
as an addtive i might say i'm powerless over my addictions
as a co-dependent i might say i'm powerless over peaple place and things.

it's all the same..i've subtituted relationship for drugs
i'm about as sick as anybody that i would get into a relationship with.
becuase i sure know how to pick them.lol

all i can do is try to work my own program and try to heal
and learn how to love myself again
becuase, i've relaps emotionally for the past five years

no matter how much i love her...and it tears my heart to pieces.
i've trun it all over to god
it's beyound my control....
the truth is , i never had control over her to begin with

god bless