Lonelywombat67

I would like to reach out to my family but in the past they have been judgmental more than empathetic. My mom who drinks 3 or 4 cocktails every night thinks it's shameful that I can't control my drinking and has scolded me by letter. My sister has dealt with an alcoholic husband who kept rebounding secretly over the years and doesn't have patience for my problems. My brother lives too far away to help. I'm feeling sad keeping this all like a secret and wish they knew how much I need them.

entropy1964

I'm sorry your family is not supportive. I am also from a family that does not communicate and has no idea how to connect emotionally...none of them. They aren't bad people, just products of a highly dysfunctional childhood. My parents aren't bad people, just bad parents. I've had to detach from them and realize they are who they are. Its not me. I'm not unlovable or a bad person. Whenever I have expectations that they will somehow be there, or change, or show some kind of genuine connection, I get very hurt and resentful. I have learned to really expect nothing of them.

I would recommend finding a support group F2F that can provide you the kind of connection and understanding you need. AA is obviously the most readily accessible for most people. Each fellowship, while tied together by the 12 steps and 12 principles, has a unique 'personality'. If you don't click, keep trying different meetings. Best case, you really find a home and become a member. Worst case, you're surrounded by people that understand and generally really care.

Ariesagain

Women For Sobriety might be an option in your area for F2F meetings?

As for your family...well, as they say, you don't try to buy milk in a hardware store. My family would never understand this, let alone be supportive. Ever.

So I don't tell them and get my support elsewhere.

Anna

It's hard for others to understand how hard this is for us. The best thing you can do is to focus on what you need to do to stay sober and to recover. You can always post here to find understanding people.

Delilah1

Hello,

You will find lots of support on SR. If you haven't already you should join the April class, you will find others who have quit this month, and you will end up forming a little family to encourage and support each other.

Women for Sobriety is another good option. They have face to face and online meetings as well.

Gottalife

I put on some performances for my family when I was drinking. I did them a lot of harm, lied to them, broke a lot of promises. Small wonder they weren't too impressed when I seriously started trying to straighten out. They'd seen it all before.

To top it off both my mother and sister are chronic alkies and both got mush worse when I stopped drinking, and they have done some pretty nasty stuff to me and my family since. My dad was different. He was quick to forgive and encourage, though I know deep down he had doubts, he kept them to himself. Our relationship was well restored and healed by the time he died.

Families and their attitudes are probably the hardest things to accept in early sobriety. But they are what they are. The important lesson I have learned is that whatever they do or don't do has no bearing whatsoever on whether I will recover from this illness.

I learned that I could get sober regardless of anyone, provided I was willing to trust God, clean house, and help others.

C23

It sounds to me that someone who drinks 3-4 drinks every night wouldn't have the capacity to be empathetic to the journey you are on. Please surround yourself with people who have been through this or are a positive force in your life. Support is key in sobriety. We are all here for you.

360startstoday

This ^^^ is what I was going to say.

We are here for you and we are happy to give you all the support you need.... we really DO understand.

thomas11

For what its worth, the whole sobriety thing has to be yours to own. My family members were always on me about my drinking, and yet whenever we got together the first thing they offer is a drink. Go figure.