Curlync

"An alcoholic is a person who wants to be held while he's isolating."

I read this online somewhere. I isolated when I was actively drinking and now i am a little over 2 months sober, going to work and attending AA daily, talking to my sponsor, but I find myself isolating-- curling up inside my head. I know it is a threat to my sobriety... I don't know why i have the urge to isolate - is it habit? protection? self sabotage? I don't know- I just know i can't seem to stop myself.
I texted my sponsor and told her and we are going to meet tomorrow to talk about but i feel like i'll just nod my head and tell her what she wants to hear and be the perfect little sponsee bc that is what i do - that is an unhealthy thing i do rather.
game face on, but yet I think I am hurting and just don't recognize it. I want to isolate and people to leave me alone but I think what I really want is someone to just break in and get to me.
I am rambling, i apologize - i just was doing so well and now I see this as a threat and I am trying to change but I don't know how or what to do.

Has anyone felt the need too isolate in their sobriety... it is unhealthy right?

least

It's only unhealthy when you take it to extremes. Being happy to be alone is one thing, but going out of your way to be alone often can be detrimental.

Have you ever done counseling? Might be nice to talk one on one with someone who understands.

Dee74

I think if you think it's unhealthy then it probably is Curly.

Learning to reach out and ask for help is a hard skill to learn - but you seem to do ok here.

If you trust your sponsor, lay it all out. Be you, share your problems. It doesn't mean you're not an A student

See what he/she has to say.

D

esinger

I prefer to be by myself a lot of the time. I'm somewhat of an introvert and drinking was originally a way of getting through that barrier. Later it became a way of coping with everything.
The one thing I've learned in sobriety is learning to accept who I am and accept and embrace it. Now I don't hide in the dark all day but I enjoy my quiet time maybe more than most people.
Most important thing I believe is being content with your life. If your not then maybe you need to work on why and make the appropriate changes. I'm still a work in progress.

suki44883

I too am an introvert. When I was drinking, I would go out around others at the clubs and such, which was okay, because I was drinking. Now that I am almost 8 years sober, I find that I enjoy the sanctuary of my home. I can be around people, but a little bit goes a long way.

If you weren't introverted before you started drinking, then you may want to check into it with a therapist. The fact that you are posting about it shows that it concerns you. However, if you truly enjoy being alone a lot of the time, then there's not necessarily a problem.

Delizadee

To me, for myself isolation is a big red flag for relapse. It's just easier than reaching out for support to turn in on myself. Then the more time I'm alone and not doing or talking productively, I am ruminating in my head, feeding and building on resentments.

I do like to be alone but part of it is a learned thing through the path of destruction my addiction brought and not feeling a lot of self trust or self worthiness.
But I know keeping sober for me means keeping good company because I can be my own worst enemy.

And like Dee said, if it feels wrong to you then it probably is.
The more you isolate yourself the harder it gets to be to reach out for support when you really need help or recognize your on your way to relapse.

uncorked

Interesting topic. I most definitely isolated myself when I was drin*ing. I was in an abusive marriage and I dran* to cover up my feelings of powerlessness. I didn't want to tal* to people and I'd avoid phone calls from my friends. Now that I'm sober, I find that I still often prefer to be alone. Part of that is fear of losing my sobriety. I *now I'm safe at home, but if I go to a party or social event where alcohol is being served, I'm not sure how I'd fare. If you thin* it's a problem then maybe tal* to someone about it. But if you simply enjoy your own company more than most, I say go with it.

greeneyed

I do the same thing, if it's not something I have to do I find a reason to stay home. My boyfriend and I just had a fight about it. I tried explaining I've been like this for years (but I was very actively drinking) I'm working on getting out more but it's hard. I wish I had advice for you Curly but just know your not alone in it

Curlync

My isolation is not a good thing. I am not a introvert and left alone I will think too much.
Thanks guys for the input. I had a long talk with sponsor today and realize I am hiding from my feelings. All of the sudden, they are there and I am not numbing them with alcohol. And the problem is I don't like them And I don't want to expose them to myself or to anyone else

There is shame and guilt among other feelings and quite frankly I have realized I am a very selfish person ---and I mean very selfish.
And I have also been feeling sorry for myself and wanting to have a mini temper tantrum like a spoiled child.
I am beginning to realize that I have a lot of problems, I thought alcohol and drinking was my only problem. Ha ha the joke is on me alcohol is just what I used to mask the other problems
And I want to be "better" and "happier" like yesterday.

Anna

I isolated completely at the end of my drinking days. So, I did two things at the outset of my recovery that helped me a lot. I started doing volunteer work which turned out to be a great experience. And, I started walking a lot. The weather was nice and I reconnected with some of my neighbors. Those two things helped me to feel like a more normal person again.