sadsister62

So my alcoholic 47 year old sister moved back to my dad's house. It was 1 year ago that I brought her to detox, and 1 week a year ago since my mom died. My main issue is that she is back at my dad's again. I was hoping to have a decent holiday with my extended family, I am sure that it would be a bittersweet holiday, but we all do love each other except for the fact that AS will be there. The logistics of planning a holiday with her are a so complicated, "Do we drink or not" well, she probably stashed some in her purse, so what does it matter? AS cannot be in the same house as her darling grandaughter, part of the parents agreement her daughter had to make with her baby's father, so THAT also seems to exclude some of us. "Why can't we just get along for a few hours and act like a family, after all, family is family?" Unless the mere thought of having to be in the same room as AS sends me into full blown panic mode? Now that AS is back at Dad's, this is after 2 failed re-habs and sober houses, mind you, and she is NOT working a program, I am supposed to just tuck all my issues with AS aside for a "few hours." This probably isn't making much sense. I should be over the worst of the panic, thanks to you all at SR and my therapist, but I just found out that AS moved back, it is the 1 year anniversary of my mom's passing, and all this triggered me, like a nightmare of where I was a year ago!! I NEVER want to feel that bad again!!! So, I am having a small immediate family brunch instead of the extended family thing, asking AS daughter and baby to join us as she can't go to family event. I do so wish that the rest of my family wouldn't manipulate AS daughter, they really do a number on her, the daughter feels they make her choose between her baby and her AM. I HATE holidays!!!

AnvilheadII

while i really do get the conflict and drama of family and holidays, i was really relieved to see that you CHOSE to make OTHER plans!!!! so that you can have more freedom to enjoy the gathering and enjoy the people. THAT is what it is all about.

how tragic that by her actions, your AS is barred from being in the same place as her precious granddaughter. and how telling. bless you for inviting them to your place.

i hope you have something wonderful on the menu!

sadsister62

Yes, doing the whole ham dinner. I just talked to my brother, he is the one who is host the extended family deal. He was so understanding , it makes me cry to type this, and I do so want to see him! Anyway, he suggested that maybe for the time being, we just meet in subsets. That's the way I guess it will be. My Dad will always be welcome in my home, no matter what. I am so concerned that his health is bad, and now he has AS living there, again, and she has had 3 surgeries since Thanksgiving, cannot hols a job or be any help to him. Hope the enablers of the family step it up in regards to helping him. Anyway, talking with my brother has eased some of my anxiety, and I feel much better about the decision I've made

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CodeJob

You will have a nice time. what can you put out as a sweet remembrance for your mom? Think of some funny stories of her to share at your table. Peace,

sadsister62

Sitting here after every has left, and feeling pretty good. Alcoholic sister's 2 daughters came with their boyfriends, and of course the 2 year old (LOVE HER) (She calls me NeeNee), my daughter and husband. What I find so telling when it is just us and not in the company of extended family, is that the younger daughter is part of the conversation, happy, loving. You see, she will shut down completely when the whole family is together, she will isolate herself and sleep to avoid, well, the whole event. She is a young adult, who has pretty much raised herself, other than when I would take her away from her drunken mother, usually every weekend, until she became a teenager and wouldn't come over willingly. Both those girls exhibit the classic signs of ACOA, but in opposite ways. The older is assertive and a high achiever. I was so happy to see younger one relax and have a good time.
On the other hand, I guess my other sister couldn't handle my Dad being alone with AS, so I hear sober sister had them both over for dinner. Oh well...