Bit of help and advice appreciated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Bit of help and advice appreciated
I've been up and down again for the last few days (4 calendar months today) after a couple of weeks where I was really feeling good (too good at times).
I was going really weird again on Saturday, dark thoughts / too many thoughts and getting myself all worked up and freaked out, managed to calm myself down Sat evening but then no motivation at all yesterday morning, really low, not really wanting to move but with the help of the wife eventually got myself going and decided to go down behind our house for a bit of a walk, we have a bit of a woodland behind so I ended up chopping a few trees down that needed dropping behind our house as sunlight is getting blocked once the summer comes, only the smaller ones that I could manage but still took some effort, actually quite enjoyed hacking away at them and letting off some steam - found it quite therapeutic and ended up doing 5 hrs of it, only thing was at the end I really could have downed a few beers which would have been the norm after such jobs previously - first time in a while this weekend that I have had a good few urges and cravings after feeling like / saying they'd disappeared last week !!
Feeling crap previously would have been perked up by getting smashed - guess at present it is all about learning to deal with the mood swings without grabbing a beer and getting on it, started to question myself for the long term but know it has to happen no matter what.
Feel a bit lost at times posting too as I seem to swing quite rapidly between moods - I have it in mind to post and sit there contemplating and then think don't, people don't want to hear it - I know I shouldn't think like that but it stops me as I don't want to sound all melodramatic and weird.
Not sure I'm helping myself at times either - tried AA / CA and not my cup of tea and when things are going good they are going fantastic then comes the huge lows and weirdness where I feel like I'm really losing the plot, I think what am I not doing right - I feel I am strong enough to say no to a drink but when I start getting really weird I'm not so sure as I really do feel I need to escape the mess I feel.
Getting to the point of really odd and confused at times and quite overwhelming.
I've come this far and no intention of re-setting the clock but is it really just a case of having to ride out these rough times ? I look back and think to how often I was away with the fairies and completely out of it on various mind bending substances that this is the price I am now paying in recovery - is it normal ?
Something I have also noticed lately is that my diet is not as good as it normally is and I've been consuming loads of sugar which is not something I would normally do, also seem to have slowed down on my usual number of visits to the gym - just feel like I am slipping into bad habits but its a real struggle to stop and get myself moving in the right direction with it.
I was going really weird again on Saturday, dark thoughts / too many thoughts and getting myself all worked up and freaked out, managed to calm myself down Sat evening but then no motivation at all yesterday morning, really low, not really wanting to move but with the help of the wife eventually got myself going and decided to go down behind our house for a bit of a walk, we have a bit of a woodland behind so I ended up chopping a few trees down that needed dropping behind our house as sunlight is getting blocked once the summer comes, only the smaller ones that I could manage but still took some effort, actually quite enjoyed hacking away at them and letting off some steam - found it quite therapeutic and ended up doing 5 hrs of it, only thing was at the end I really could have downed a few beers which would have been the norm after such jobs previously - first time in a while this weekend that I have had a good few urges and cravings after feeling like / saying they'd disappeared last week !!
Feeling crap previously would have been perked up by getting smashed - guess at present it is all about learning to deal with the mood swings without grabbing a beer and getting on it, started to question myself for the long term but know it has to happen no matter what.
Feel a bit lost at times posting too as I seem to swing quite rapidly between moods - I have it in mind to post and sit there contemplating and then think don't, people don't want to hear it - I know I shouldn't think like that but it stops me as I don't want to sound all melodramatic and weird.
Not sure I'm helping myself at times either - tried AA / CA and not my cup of tea and when things are going good they are going fantastic then comes the huge lows and weirdness where I feel like I'm really losing the plot, I think what am I not doing right - I feel I am strong enough to say no to a drink but when I start getting really weird I'm not so sure as I really do feel I need to escape the mess I feel.
Getting to the point of really odd and confused at times and quite overwhelming.
I've come this far and no intention of re-setting the clock but is it really just a case of having to ride out these rough times ? I look back and think to how often I was away with the fairies and completely out of it on various mind bending substances that this is the price I am now paying in recovery - is it normal ?
Something I have also noticed lately is that my diet is not as good as it normally is and I've been consuming loads of sugar which is not something I would normally do, also seem to have slowed down on my usual number of visits to the gym - just feel like I am slipping into bad habits but its a real struggle to stop and get myself moving in the right direction with it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Hey RedAndy - congrats on four months
getting off our butt and finding something to do is helpful, it is the finally getting a start that is difficult sometimes...
remember, even people who don't have alcohol issues feel like that sometimes too... perhaps if you just put your mind to starting something, just one thing, you will start to gain momentum...
I consumed a LOT of sweets in the first months... I'm not sure if iced tea is big where you are from, but having some already made up - the decision is made for you ahead of time what to drink...
you'll work through these ups and downs, I had them...
getting off our butt and finding something to do is helpful, it is the finally getting a start that is difficult sometimes...
remember, even people who don't have alcohol issues feel like that sometimes too... perhaps if you just put your mind to starting something, just one thing, you will start to gain momentum...
I consumed a LOT of sweets in the first months... I'm not sure if iced tea is big where you are from, but having some already made up - the decision is made for you ahead of time what to drink...
you'll work through these ups and downs, I had them...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Congrats on four months sober! 
I noticed at about three months that I was not happy in my recovery. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. So every day I found something to be thankful for.
It was hard at first, as I was quite depressed, but I persisted and it became a habit.
Now my attitude is positive instead of negative and I feel better about my life and my sobriety.
I noticed at about three months that I was not happy in my recovery. It was suggested that I start to practice gratitude every day. So every day I found something to be thankful for.
It was hard at first, as I was quite depressed, but I persisted and it became a habit.Now my attitude is positive instead of negative and I feel better about my life and my sobriety.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Having a planner might help with scheduled days at the gym among other sober activities your doing awesome at 4 months
Whenever I feel demotivated i l start by thinking about the people who have had a harder life than mine and tougher obstacles to face that always gets me motivated
I think of everyone who has rooted for me and it helps
Whenever I feel demotivated i l start by thinking about the people who have had a harder life than mine and tougher obstacles to face that always gets me motivated
I think of everyone who has rooted for me and it helps
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
It's like you read my mind. I feel the same way. Highs and really terrible lows where I question my existence...why am I here? What is the point of all this?
No real words of advice except that I seem to have these thoughts every month and every month I don't pick up I move forward and the thoughts go away and happy times return. It is like a roller coaster. I just hang on when the bad thoughts come because I know I'll be happy again in the near future.
No real words of advice except that I seem to have these thoughts every month and every month I don't pick up I move forward and the thoughts go away and happy times return. It is like a roller coaster. I just hang on when the bad thoughts come because I know I'll be happy again in the near future.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
A very successful friend of mine gave me advice that sounds pretty good: Get clean and organized before you do anything else. Know where everything is at and keep it in its place. This will cut back on time wasted feeling anxious, chaotic, and searching for things.
Get routine going, even eating and sleeping around the same times. This will just become habit after a while and provides a sense of structure.
Look nice and dress up a lot. Keep car looking good. It will make you feel more confident plus the fact is people judge by appearances whether they should or not.
I don't know if I can follow ALL this advice , or it will take time to make habit, but so far the little I've done has been helping. I've not been positive about life, and frequently feel lost, living basically opposite of this. He is a positive person able to handle loads of stress....Plus loads of money
Get routine going, even eating and sleeping around the same times. This will just become habit after a while and provides a sense of structure.
Look nice and dress up a lot. Keep car looking good. It will make you feel more confident plus the fact is people judge by appearances whether they should or not.
I don't know if I can follow ALL this advice , or it will take time to make habit, but so far the little I've done has been helping. I've not been positive about life, and frequently feel lost, living basically opposite of this. He is a positive person able to handle loads of stress....Plus loads of money
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 7
Success can be far more difficult thing for me to deal with than failure. So i try to find things that it's ok to fail at, like new hobbies or sports. of course, over time I do get better at them, but in the beginning it's a positive kind of stress and it occupies my thoughts leaving much less room for my obsessive thoughts.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hey RedAndy
it's difficult to know when things are just 'early recovery' related and will get better soon, or whether there's another cause ...
do you think you might be depressed? any history of that?
Maybe seeing your Dr, if only to rule out things, could be helpful?
D
it's difficult to know when things are just 'early recovery' related and will get better soon, or whether there's another cause ...
do you think you might be depressed? any history of that?
Maybe seeing your Dr, if only to rule out things, could be helpful?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks guys, really appreciate the replies and advice, I am seeing my GP today so will discuss things with him and also make sure I get in the gym today.
I've been trying a bit more of a relaxed approach to fitness and diet as I tend to go a bit too much into that once I get started but not sure thats working to well as its slipped the other way and now making me feel crap too. There's no middle ground there either.
Grateful that the sun is shining - working from home today but time to get myself moving.
I've been trying a bit more of a relaxed approach to fitness and diet as I tend to go a bit too much into that once I get started but not sure thats working to well as its slipped the other way and now making me feel crap too. There's no middle ground there either.
Grateful that the sun is shining - working from home today but time to get myself moving.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Well if I needed some inspiration there's a young lad on breakfast TV who has been in a wheelchair since aged 7 with spina bifida and was under the title "extreme wheels" doing stunts in a wheelchair on skateboard ramps - listening to his enthusiasm is just what I needed - told he would never even be able to sit up - WOW !!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
I read some great advise early in recovery that I told myself often - "Be kind to yourself, especially the first year". It really is a rollercoaster.
Based on my own experience, this was definately the case. I also experienced sugar cravings, which was not the norm for me. Apparently its quite common, as I have read a number of posts on here related to craving sweets. It makes perfect sense really, considering how much sugar is in alcohol. Our bodies had a steady supply while drinking, and studies have shown that sugar has an addictive quality as well.
I hope you feel better soon. Congratulations on 4 months
Based on my own experience, this was definately the case. I also experienced sugar cravings, which was not the norm for me. Apparently its quite common, as I have read a number of posts on here related to craving sweets. It makes perfect sense really, considering how much sugar is in alcohol. Our bodies had a steady supply while drinking, and studies have shown that sugar has an addictive quality as well.
I hope you feel better soon. Congratulations on 4 months
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Cheers for that SW - that's really what I needed.
GP appointment went well - had a good chat with him and adjusted meds, also just been to the weekly appointment with counsellor that I attend with the wife which I always feel much better after - a great guy who we have both really taken too and has helped us significantly recently.
GP appointment went well - had a good chat with him and adjusted meds, also just been to the weekly appointment with counsellor that I attend with the wife which I always feel much better after - a great guy who we have both really taken too and has helped us significantly recently.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hey, Andy,
Congrats on four months. It gets better.
If, after all of this, there is one thing I learned from the earlier phases of my recovery is that sometimes you just have to operate on faith. It's fuzzy, intangible and, occasionally, elusive, but in the long run it helps tremendously. You just have to live with the faith that sobriety creates a better life for us.
Sounds like you are feeling better and that, too, is indicative of life in the first few months. The harder times pass, they really do.
Congrats on four months. It gets better.
If, after all of this, there is one thing I learned from the earlier phases of my recovery is that sometimes you just have to operate on faith. It's fuzzy, intangible and, occasionally, elusive, but in the long run it helps tremendously. You just have to live with the faith that sobriety creates a better life for us.
Sounds like you are feeling better and that, too, is indicative of life in the first few months. The harder times pass, they really do.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by RedAndy 
I've been up and down again for the last few days (4 calendar months today) after a couple of weeks where I was really feeling good (too good at times).
Feeling crap previously would have been perked up by getting smashed - guess at present it is all about learning to deal with the mood swings without grabbing a beer and getting on it, started to question myself for the long term but know it has to happen no matter what.
Feel a bit lost at times posting too as I seem to swing quite rapidly between moods - I have it in mind to post and sit there contemplating and then think don't, people don't want to hear it - I know I shouldn't think like that but it stops me as I don't want to sound all melodramatic and weird.
.
Feeling crap previously would have been perked up by getting smashed - guess at present it is all about learning to deal with the mood swings without grabbing a beer and getting on it, started to question myself for the long term but know it has to happen no matter what.
Feel a bit lost at times posting too as I seem to swing quite rapidly between moods - I have it in mind to post and sit there contemplating and then think don't, people don't want to hear it - I know I shouldn't think like that but it stops me as I don't want to sound all melodramatic and weird.
.
It's good you are aware and able to express it!
It's good that you can see when you would just go and get high again...for me it's most tempting to turn to a substance on those days that I feel out of sorts or something happens to upset me or I feel frustrated, sad, whatever.
The days that you feel so good might also just be your immense RELIEF at being able to feel good again without using a substance. So, that's just another way to look at it. It's sort of like when the sun starts shining again after a period of darkness. We almost cannot help but jump for joy; maybe we even felt like the sun would never shine again.
But, if these [drastic] mood swings persist it's hard to tell how much of it is being in early recovery and much of it is your baseline without drugs/alcohol. Did you have severe mood swings before you used substances? I am glad you saw your Dr. today and felt free to talk with him/her. Hang in there and hopefully things will level out.
It's amazing just how much diet and exercise impacts our moods too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thank you for all the replies I really appreciate all the kind words and support and yes I am feeling much better / more positive today.
TTO thanks for that - You know what I'm struggling to remember how I felt before using substances and alcohol, its 30 years ago and I was only just a teenager, as a kid I was always labelled as hyperactive and disruptive to the point my parents took me to see someone and then I started to get into trouble quite often with the law etc, settled down and put that side of things behind me when I met my wife in the early 90's - quietened down to an extent for a few years but the drinking and drugs continued and gathered pace especially when I changed career at the end of the 90's - the beast was well and truly awoken, been pretty much my whole life in reality, problem was I really did start to believe I was invincible and believe my own bullsh1t.
The thing I'm finding now is I'm actually physically feeling my feelings at times, a real buzz and glow or a real weight depending on up or down, I guess this is all new as they've mostly been numbed or artificial highs for so long, I do feel I am perhaps also looking to deeply into it too and searching for too many answers and that's when its starting to spiral out of control followed by the low - right now that low has gone again and I'm feeling pretty good.
Today and since landing here in November I'm truly grateful that I found SR - a fantastic community and so glad to be a part of it.
Have a good day all and thanks again for the support.
TTO thanks for that - You know what I'm struggling to remember how I felt before using substances and alcohol, its 30 years ago and I was only just a teenager, as a kid I was always labelled as hyperactive and disruptive to the point my parents took me to see someone and then I started to get into trouble quite often with the law etc, settled down and put that side of things behind me when I met my wife in the early 90's - quietened down to an extent for a few years but the drinking and drugs continued and gathered pace especially when I changed career at the end of the 90's - the beast was well and truly awoken, been pretty much my whole life in reality, problem was I really did start to believe I was invincible and believe my own bullsh1t.
The thing I'm finding now is I'm actually physically feeling my feelings at times, a real buzz and glow or a real weight depending on up or down, I guess this is all new as they've mostly been numbed or artificial highs for so long, I do feel I am perhaps also looking to deeply into it too and searching for too many answers and that's when its starting to spiral out of control followed by the low - right now that low has gone again and I'm feeling pretty good.
Today and since landing here in November I'm truly grateful that I found SR - a fantastic community and so glad to be a part of it.
Have a good day all and thanks again for the support.
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