Charliee

Everytime I relapse the withdrawal is harder, it takes longer for the fog to clear up, for the bad dreams to go away and for headaches and stomach aches to subside and yet I still want a drink. The anxiety and the remorse are too much. I just don't want to play anymore.

least

Don't play anymore. Refuse to participate. Don't pick up that drink. You can stop this, but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Dee74

What do you think you might do differently this time Charliee?

D

Charliee

Well, I have gotten my Dr. to prescribe me Antabuse, that helps for now. I have finally gotten a sponsor, going to AA meetings regularly and working the steps. I also just finished 28 days of inpatient treatment. Maybe I am just hopeless...

SweatyHands

I hear you. My past relapse was a three day vodka bender, and my withdrawal was awful. After I successfully tapered and quit, I made the decision that there would be no more putting myself or my family through that. I am doing everything in my power to make this different from all of the other times. I'm in therapy and using the resources available through SMART Recovery. The way that I had been trying to stay sober in the past obviously doesn't work.

Congratulations on five days and counting!

SweatyHands

If you came here, you're not hopeless. I relapsed too many times to count in the last six months, but I didn't and won't give up. I have made it to nine days so far, and I'm prepared to do just about anything to keep the bottle out of my hand.

Charliee

I know it well get better, but right now I can't sleep and I hate being awake. At least other people can walk away from me, I'm just stuck with myself. I don't like this person very much and it's hard to deal with sober.

2muchpain

Maybe it's more like you don't like who you think you are. I think people develop a persona of themselves based on mistakes made and reactions from other people. These things just get in the way of seeing who we really are, what our true core is made up of if that makes sense. There's more to you than how others see and treat you and the mistakes you make. That's just stuff that happens. Has nothing to do with who you really are. John

Hawkeye13

That self-loathing feeling always hit me during and after a relapse.
It isn't who you are Charliee--

Keep trying and you will get there.
You've had big runs of sober time in the past and it will click for good
if you just don't give up.

I had some relapses myself last year so I can really relate to your post.
I'm over 110 days sober again and it is really starting to feel better.
Take the anabuse, work a program, and be strong

doggonecarl

How much do you like that person when you are drinking?

Coldfusion

Hi Charliee!

How about spending more time here at SoberRecovery? Join a class thread or even just post in "Interactive Word Games--" any time spent here is time spent thinking about other things than drinking.

soberclover

Good to see you posting

Charliee

I'm trying to get through this last mess, but it feels almost impossible to keep my chin up. I can't look my family in the eye. I just want to sleep until it all goes away.