Finding my legs
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Finding my legs
Last Monday, I was sitting on my couch tapering and feeling generally miserable. Today, my wife and I spent the day at the natural history museum feeding our brains. Day five has been good.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by SweatyHands 
Today, my wife and I spent the day at the natural history museum feeding our brains. Day five has been good.
My Queen has been happy since I put the plug in the jug.
Keep up the good work.
Some poor souls will never have a nice family life.
Other unfortunate ones had a good family and lost it due to drinking.
M-Bob
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
There will be good days and bad but as time goes on the good days happen more often and your life in general will improve slowly but surely.
"God promises to change us so slowly we will not even notice it happening."
"God promises to change us so slowly we will not even notice it happening."
Brother of the Wolf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Thanks everyone. I'm just finishing up my tea and getting ready for bed. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, as I have a meeting with one of my professors to start working on a plan to re-enter my graduate program, and then I have a session with my therapist after.
Also, this afternoon, in the mail I received an envelope full of very nice notes from my former classmates who are all on retreat right now. It was in fact one of these classmates who forced me to acknowledge how out of control I was on this last bender. I wasn't answering the phone or the door, so he called the cops to do a welfare check. They determined that I was drunk, but not in danger. But, the next morning, I called my sister and asked her to fly out here and help me detox. Sometimes my stubbornness, coupled with toxic alcoholic thinking, leads me to have to learn everything the hard way. Having the cops talking to me outside of my apartment in front of all of my neighbors was humiliating, but it was the kick in the tail that I needed to ask for help, and really work at building a solid plan this time.
So, I'm closing out day five, and looking forward to all of the growth that is waiting for me on day six.
Also, this afternoon, in the mail I received an envelope full of very nice notes from my former classmates who are all on retreat right now. It was in fact one of these classmates who forced me to acknowledge how out of control I was on this last bender. I wasn't answering the phone or the door, so he called the cops to do a welfare check. They determined that I was drunk, but not in danger. But, the next morning, I called my sister and asked her to fly out here and help me detox. Sometimes my stubbornness, coupled with toxic alcoholic thinking, leads me to have to learn everything the hard way. Having the cops talking to me outside of my apartment in front of all of my neighbors was humiliating, but it was the kick in the tail that I needed to ask for help, and really work at building a solid plan this time.
So, I'm closing out day five, and looking forward to all of the growth that is waiting for me on day six.
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I'm learning to roll with things when plans go South. My meeting with my professor didn't happen today because the campus was closed for community building day. I showed up and could not get in, and instead of getting frustrated, I went and had tacos. My need to be in control and always hold everything together for everyone around me has led to unattainable levels of expectation. And when things fall apart, I used it as a convenient excuse to tell myself that alcohol will make everything sting less. But, a plate of tacos costs less than a belly full of vodka, and I won't spend all day in bed tomorrow with the shakes. Day six was another modest success.
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I can't believe that I am on day seven. 13 days ago, I was in a pit of despair, thinking that there was nothing that I could do to make my anxiety calm down. I gave up and decided to put myself to sleep with vodka. Last week, I pushed myself as hard as I felt was safe to actually stick to a taper schedule, and once I saw that I actually could make progress when I sincerely worked at it, the world opened up to me. My sister literally saved my life by coming out here to help me. Her faith in me gave me the ability to believe in myself. Had I decided to go ot alone, I have no doubt that I would either be drunk or in the hospital right now. But instead, I am awake, sober, and looking forward to another sober day tomorrow.
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I went to the grocery store today, and it is right next door to a liquor store that I used to frequent. As I was putting groceries in my truck, the owner of the liquor store came out to ask me where I had been. I told him that I'm not drinking, and he replied "Oh, that's good. We were worried about you last time you came in. You look much better when your not drinking." Just goes to show you, we're never hiding anything as well as we think we are...
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I am mostly more calm. I still have periods of anxiety, but usually I can breath through them. When that doesn't work, I have some herbal supplements that my doctor recommended. I am trying to stay away from my prescription benzos unless I absolutely have to take one. And fortunately, I haven't taken any since the night of the last day of my taper last Wednesday.
My appetite is back with a vengeance. I have actually had to be mindful of what I eat, because I have an appetite for more than I can digest in one day. My sleep is starting to get normal. I have to totally exhaust myself before bed, and I still have to read for about an hour to fall asleep. When I do fall asleep, I tend to wake up every hour, but I fall right back to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning, I just get up rather than lie in bed trying to get an extra hour.
My appetite is back with a vengeance. I have actually had to be mindful of what I eat, because I have an appetite for more than I can digest in one day. My sleep is starting to get normal. I have to totally exhaust myself before bed, and I still have to read for about an hour to fall asleep. When I do fall asleep, I tend to wake up every hour, but I fall right back to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning, I just get up rather than lie in bed trying to get an extra hour.
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
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...and I started coming down with a bug within the last hour. I went from walking the dog in the sunshine to a fever and sore throat with chills and body aches. It still beats withdrawal any day of the week. I'm trying to decide if I can rally for a SMART Recovery meeting tonight, or if it is going to be an online meeting in my pajamas tonight.
Brother of the Wolf
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Finishing up day nine. I'm not sure why, but just knowing that I will hit double digits tomorrow makes me feel more stable. We have plans for pretty much all day tomorrow, so I feel like the mental stimulation will help me tire myself out before bed. We will be around people drinking, but neither event is a "drinking event," so I'm confident that there will be enough going on that I won't fixate on it. But, if I get uncomfortable, we can just leave. Sometimes I forget that as an adult, I can exercise that right. So, if I ever fall asleep, I will be starting day 10 and making a stab at socializing without booze for the first time in months.
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