CarrieBradshaw

Hi all! I haven't posted lately but I'm still around reading the forums and responding as I see fit. I've made a very reliable SR friend who keeps me in check. I feel great, but there's that dreadful sense of embarrassment and guilt still lingering around.

My last binge began on 1/21 and ended 1/24. I was hungover and facing withdrawals for every day I spent drunk. I eventually overcame it and worked through the consequences of my binge (mending relationships), and everyone around me has forgiven me and moved on, but I can't seem to forgive myself. I'll have a memory of something I said or did during that time and cringe. Thinking about how much I drank and everything I missed out on those few days haunts me. The smallest things trigger these feelings. I binged during the east coast blizzard and any time someone mentions snow or a blizzard, I feel a lump in my throat and think of that awful time.

How were you able to forgive yourself? I know alcoholism didn't happen to me overnight and won't go away overnight, but I want to enjoy sobriety (which, aside from beating myself up over every little thing that happened whilst drinking, has been wonderful!) and be able to talk about snow, for instance, without reverting to memories of binge after binge. Once I start thinking about one binge, I'll think of another and another until I make myself sick over it. It's helped in a way - it's certainly deterring me from drinking - but I think forgiveness is a huge part of the process.

I'd appreciate any insight!

ScottFromWI

Are you following any kind of formal sobriety plan Carrie? I ask because sobriety is much more than just "not drinking". For example, 12 step recovery deals with a lot of the issues you are having by making amends, taking self inventories, and lots of other things designed to help you learn to move forward with life. Many rehab ( inpatient or outpatient ) programs also deal with looking inwards for other issues that might be holding you back, or that you might have been trying to avoid in the first place by drinking. Therapy or counseling ( either alchol/drug specific or general ) can also help identify potential issues that might be holding you back.

And bottom line, it takes time. You've got several weeks sober which is great, but if you drank for years you cannot expect things to be magically cured in a few weeks.

Exercise, good diet, drinking lots of water, meditation & mindfulness are also things you can do every day to help heal your body and mind.

least

It takes time to get to the place where you can forgive yourself. It took me a while.

doggonecarl

I have things I did over 30 years ago that when I think about them, I cringe with shame and embarrassment. I think it's human nature to regret the bad things we've done. All you can do about the past is move on and not repeat those mistakes. You'll dwell on them less and less as time goes by.

Soberwolf

I agreee with all of the above and emphasise that time heals it really helps having a recovery plan/programme

Nonsensical

My addiction loves it when I feel bad about myself. It always has a recommendation on how to help me get over it.

Want to **** off your addiction? Refuse to take that long slow dive into the **** bucket of regrets.

Be well!

Wastinglife

I also struggle with guilt and shame for all the things I've done while drunk. I have a hard time forgiving myself as my past follows me around wherever I go. Everytime a job offer is rescinded because I raise too many red flags I revert right back to the pit of despair I live in. I am essentially shut out of the workforce.

I guess we just have to soldier on. One day we'll get to that point of forgiveness

thomas11

When those things are fresh they are still large in the rear view mirror, but as time goes by and more distance gets between you and those things, they will become smaller and smaller.

nova84

My therapist suggested I write a letter of forgiveness to myself...being mindful to use the same level of empathy, understanding and support that I would show to a friend or loved one. You can then tear up the letter or burn it to signify and reinforce moving on from it. Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x

tomsteve

"How were you able to forgive yourself? "
i started be understanding i wasnt a bad man, but a sick man. then ilooked at causes and conditions that led to the actions/words/thoughts that i had while in active alcoholism. then worked hard at changing me and my attitudes.
today i can look at my past. i can say," yup, i did that. and im very glad im not that man any more."

i can look over my shoulder today, but have to be careful not to stare.

blueberry2015

Guilt is part of the illness x Write it all down get it out on paper, it maybe hard to do, but know that whatever it is that makes you feel guilty was not you, but your illness and your addiction. As much as we want, we cant change the past all we can do is learn from it and yes forgive ourselves. Writing it all down in depth really helps me when I get days like that x

letitgo

Great thread

blueberry2015

You soooo deserve forgiveness, dont deny yourself that my lovely x We ALL deserve forgiveness, alcohol is a poison which made us behave in poisoness ways. X x Wishing you well x X

Venecia

Carrie, I think we all struggle with self-forgiveness on one level or another. It goes with the territory.

One of the things that helped me was counsel I received from others to live in the present. Yes, the past has been fraught with the painful artifacts of alcoholism, but if you live for today, it gets a little easier as each day goes by.

You can do this, Carrie Bradshaw.

Dee74

Hi Carrie

The simplest way I can phrase it is to say focus on today and eventually yesterday won;t matter as much.

I did a lot of things wrong in active addiction. To balance that I try to do a lot of things right now. You could see that as a kind of living amends.

I can't change the past but I have a great shot at changing today

D

Hevyn

Hi CB.

Wonderful answers here. I can't add much, but I do know that wallowing in guilt, regret, & remorse led me back to drinking a few times. I couldn't handle the raw emotions. It's fine to acknowledge the shameful things we've done, but we need to give ourselves a break too. I know the drunk me is not the real me - not in any way.

IvanMike

I'll echo what has been said by others.

Time and the application of the steps (as mentioned above) have been essential for me, Part of that has been that I have changed how I behave in a dramatic fashion (less dramatic on a bad day!!). It gets a lot easier to forgive yourself for behavior that you no longer engage in.

I'm no poster child for self-forgiveness though. It's a work in progress. Guilt and shame are some of the loudest voices my disease speaks to me in. However, it has gotten easier with time and step work, and I continue to trust those with more experience than I have that it gets easier.

Hang in there. You're worth it.

Caramel

and words from tomsteve "I can look over my shoulder today, but have to be careful not to stare" -
so wise, thank you from me.
and thank you CarrieBradshaw for starting the thread.

kittycat3

Yes.....! 100 times yes.

Hugs dear, just today I had a flash of shame and regret for a memory flash of a dumb thing I said while drunk last summer. But you know what, I haven't thought about that for a long while. And that was the old me, I don't drink anymore and I never will.

Forgive yourself and embrace the new sober you, leave the old you in the dust

silentrun

I practiced on other people. I would trade 1 something done to me for a 1 something by me. I was toward the end of my first year sober before I could do that. Hopefully the shame will give way to guilt and the guilt will cause you to change and then you're home free.