erky

it feels like I spend all my time looking for that feeling but now I'm starting to think maybe in the wrong places. I thought I had it licked but flipped back into chemical self. I hurt more than if I didn't pick up I see now. reflecting I see I avoided all the hard stuff and thought I could just do it without giving up my crutches. (emotional) x emotional.
I have total freedom from work, deadlines, homelessness but I can't seem to turn it into a positive. I really worry that I can't get over the grog. I got a few days up but somehow I forgot all my reasons to stay the course. Instead of connecting with my parents and brother I would have been better to seen my son except he has dope and that's another trap. My daughter didn't show up or explain why not on Sunday and it felt like a punch in the gut. Just a text would have set my mind at ease. Not having credit translates to so many levels.
How did I end up here after nearly 60 years of living? Here being a slave to stimulus but who am I? I'm even blocked here!
It is feasible I could go into rehab, I worry about my cat and not having enough for smokes, my poisoness neighbour but all I'm doing is staying stuck if I avoid that too. And my garden but winter is coming. If I chose that path it would be the quickest way to gratitude.
I guess that is being gracious in defeat. Thanks for reading, Be kind to
your fellows and rise up against the machines. Squander Love.

Fly N Buy

Sobriety is possible at all ages for anyone is my experience. Some make it, some fail - but the ones who stack some time do indeed seem to have layers of gratitude.

Gratitude was best described to me as an action word. If I am truly appreciative for what I have or don't have giving that back to others helps me keep it.

I am grateful to have others who love me. First I acknowledge that, next I act on it by doing some small selfless things for them. I bring a little treat to my wife of 32 years - a flavored coffee, perhaps. I send my daughter who is far away a text about how she is on my heart today and what an incredible woman/mother she has become. etc, etc.......

It's never too late, but I had to get enough time to clear my head of disillusionary ramblings. As I did this I found hope in many ways.

Good for you on considering rehab. Why not make it a reality!?
Glad you're here posting and good job on staying away from the grog.

Soberwolf

Rehab sounds like a good idea it saved both my sisters lives

Berrybean

Hi Erky - sorry life is seeming so challenging right now. We can feel gratitude, but it's a feeling that we have to really work on our recovery to feel. It's not just a case of picking up. More one of working on our perspective. I needed to work a 12-step program in order to start getting this, although I know others have found their way alone.

Have you considered giving AA or NA a go?

MikeM

Yes. Gratitude is a feeling. At least that's part of it. As I see it, it's that feeling that fuels grateful thoughts, actions and beliefs.

Feelings are difficult to notice sometimes though. Some people experience gratitude as a huge feeling, let's say, in their torso. For me, it's in my arms. For some, it might be a subtle sense at the back of their head. People are different and feel feelings differently.

Is the person with a huge feeling in their torso more grateful than someone who has a subtle sense? No. They just experience things differently.

And if you are someone who experiences gratitude as a subtle feeling, you might have difficulty noticing it. What I find useful is to distract myself. Think about something neutral, my socks for example. And then focus on something I'm grateful of. It might take a couple of times going back and forth, but at one point you will notice the shift in your feelings. Notice where it is in your body. That's your feeling of gratitude.

Now, you have just given me a gem for my Wellness Toolbox. Practicing gratitude. Stimulate the feeling intentionally and practice it. It's not unlike some meditation practices. You can start your practice by sitting relaxed at home and as you get better, you can stimulate it anywhere you want.

My brain is storming. You can also take any feeling you want and practice it.

"Ching". (That's the sound of something new being dropped in my Wellness Toolbox)

Thank you for this question!

least

Gratitude is a powerful feeling for me. It's changed my focus from negative to positive.

stevieg46

Hi Erky .

I am near 10 yrs older than you and near 10 years sober from alcohol, ,in the past 10 years I have never abused any drug either unless prescribed . Old saying ''best things in life are free '' and that is where one should start from in being grateful , got up this morning , remembered where I was last night , my head was clear , I wasn't shaking or feeling sick , I wasn't dreading the day ahead , I had breakfast on a plate not out of a bottle , my wife called me by my first name , the postman said ''good morning '' .

I am grateful for the little things , things others take for granted , got my priorities right attended to my ''needs not my wants '' .

Sounds pretty normal does it not ? and good and comforting , feelings that I thought I found in alcohol , alcohol took all that away from me , so today ''cultivate gratitude '' as its hard to be ''miserable and grateful '' at the same time , and its ''free of charge , take care .

Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .

Soberpotamus

For me, it's a feeling of being grateful or thankful. I think it can also be a decision -- I can decide to be grateful for something. Spontaneous or not, I think it's both a feeling and state of mind, and can be sort of a general attitude or outlook.

Dee74

Erky

I'm not sure it should be something you need to look for.

If there were no good things in your life, and nothing you feel grateful for, you'd be in a bad way.

It does sound like your wheels are a little bogged tho - maybe something new and change producing like rehab or AA might help?