jenng6365

Hi everyone - this is my first post, and you've already helped me more than you can imagine.

I won't go into a full story, as I'm sure it's one that you all know well, but I was raised by an extremely alcoholic mother who was raised by an alcoholic mother, et al. I've always prided myself on "having my crap together" despite my circumstances - a bit of denial on my part, I'm sure.

I'm finally beginning to see how much my life has been affected and realize that I so need recovery.

My mother has now been in jail 7 times in the last 3 years, most recently Friday evening. She lives alone, 3 hours away, but I habitually monitor her town's jail website for new intakes. Once she got out, she disappeared.

She's now appeared again in my text message inbox, with cavalier messages telling me she's "basically fine" and the usual "you don't understand" "I don't need help" "It's a misunderstanding" messages.

I'm truly at a loss. I'm beginning to manifest the effects physically as well as mentally, and it terrifies me. I have a son of my own. I know that this cycle has to stop, if not for her, then for me - if not for me, then for him. But what can I do? How can I begin?

I've just ordered a few books from Amazon, and I feel better knowing I've taken a step. Does anyone have any wise words?

happybeingme

Hi. Welcome to the forum. My advice. Stop checking the police website. All you are doing is causing stress and anxiety over a situation that you can't control. Your mom is an alcoholic. She has made it clear that being jailed doesn't bother her and that quitting drinking isn't going to happen. So, don't worry about it. It is her life to destroy if she wants and you getting involved will only give you a front seat to a car wreck you can't stop.

I am really sorry your mom is so ill. I have an alcoholic father, a narcissistic mother, and was an alcoholic myself. I know the hell of addiction and I can tell you no one can fix it but her. Take care of yourself. Take care of your son. Reading the books, posting here, and maybe therapy and meetings can really help you break the family legacy. I am really glad you are here and posting. Life can get better

DesertEyes

Hello jenng, and welcome to our corner of recovery

In my biological family it also goes back for generations.

Yes, that is what I thought too.

The effect of being involved with a dysfunctional person, of any kind, are cumulative, it does add up over time.

You alreday have begun. You came here looking for answers and you are educating yourself through books. Here's some additional resources for you to consider.

There are two different "self help" groups that specialize in helping us "adult children" deal with the wreckage of our parent's past.

Adult Children of Alcoholics
http://www.al-anon.org/find-a-meeting

Real life meetings each have a very different "flavor" depending on the people who are present, so the suggestion is try as many as you can until you find one that "fits". If none of them are helpful to you they also have telephone and internet meetings for you to check out.

While you are reading and investigating meetings you will have a lot of questions pop up. We have our own "terminology" that can be very confusing. Just pop into this webiste and post whatever question you have, that is the whole purpose of SoberRecovery.

You can also look for a good therapist that is knowledgable in ACoA issues. A good place to ask for a referal to one is.... in meetings If you live close to a large University you can go to their mental health services office. They have low cost therapists who are up to date on the latest research and they work as a group, so you get the expertise of serveral people for the price of one

As you listen to peeps in the meetings you will hear that a _lot_ of people have stopped the cycle, and some who are in still in the process of stopping the cycle. It took our parents our entire childhood to "mess us up", so it's not something that can be fixed overnight.

You are well on your way to recovery, welcome to our "club".

Mike

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Jenng!!

Understanding and working through my past was the best thing I ever did, reading and talking and posting, it all was very helpful to make sense of my dad's alcoholism and how that affected not only my own life but my family and the general environment that I grew up in, how that then affected how I interacted, or didn't interact with people at school all the way to colleagues at work, it opened my eyes.

But with understanding came peace, reassurance, a sense of calm when I laid it all out and put all the jigsaw pieces together, it was a satisfying feeling.

You'll find loads of support here on SR, al-anon has also been mentioned, and books are always great too!!

Great to have you here!!