Help from 81 Days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2
Help from 81 Days
My husband has spent serious energy complaining about my nighttime drinking to anyone who would listen for years. I quit drinking because I am certain if I continue it will kill me. I don't care what my test results show or people say ... I cannot drink anymore. My h said he'd do whatever it takes to support me. He said drinking is no big deal to him and he could stop anytime. After 65 days I found out he never stopped - just in front of me. Then I said okay, I understand if you need to drink socially. That has escalated (10 days) to his having vodka in the house and when we're out drinking doubles, jello shooters and then driving. I think he doesn't want to modify his lifestyle and cannot see his codependency. He went to one female Al Anon meeting and came home understanding some of his participation. Then he went to a men's group and came home arrogant, self righteous and cold. Am I unreasonable to want him to treat me as he would want to be treated? To expect honesty? He says what I don't know won't hurt me.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
I think you have every right for honesty. I also think if he was honest with himself he'd know he also has a drinking problem. At least it sounds like that to me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Fort Worth TX
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by jd1639 
I think you have every right for honesty. I also think if he was honest with himself he'd know he also has a drinking problem. At least it sounds like that to me.
TW
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. 
I don't think it's unreasonable to want people to treat you decently. However, I think it's illogical to expect it, as some people don't live by the golden rule. 
Is couple's counseling possible? Sounds like you need some mediation. I'd be frustrated too if it were me.
I don't think it's unreasonable to want people to treat you decently. However, I think it's illogical to expect it, as some people don't live by the golden rule. 
Is couple's counseling possible? Sounds like you need some mediation. I'd be frustrated too if it were me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2
Thanks You!
I feel better already. I know I will continue to be sober no matter what my h does. Whew - talking to ppl helps. We've been in and out of counseling for 24 of 29 years. The last two were pretty pricey. One - we started with a 3 day 6 hour a day sessions and homework. My h is responsive during counseling and then blows it off after sometimes only two weeks. He makes agreements with me and then tells me he changed his mind.
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