imjules

I think I'm having a severe delayed reaction. I am literally shaking now as I type this..

I left my abf because his drinking is out of control. Yesterday I found out from his kids (15 & 12) that he took them to the movies and was drunk and drove straight through a roundabout on the way home. Luckily, no one was hurt. He doesn't even remember it. The 15yr old (illegally) drove the car home.

I confronted him about it and he told me throughout that day he drank 3 pints of vodka and snuck a 4th one in the theatre and drank it. While telling me what happened, he was not drunk and it is so shocking to me how lightly a deal he made of it, almost smirking. I got upset and he said he feels ashamed to tell me and the smirking is just a nervous smirk, but I feel he really doesn't get how awful a thing he did, and how out of control his drinking has become. There is no mother in the picture for these kids- he has full custody, gets some help from his parents.

The more I let it sink in, the more sick I get about it. I left him, but it doesn't mean I no longer care about him or the kids or want to help in some way. I should call CPS.. I should threaten him if he doesn't go to rehab right now, I will call CPS.. I should just stay out of it.. I hate alcoholism so much!

Sotiredofitall

Tough situation. I would encourage CPS. Don't know who the kids would go to, but this is obviously not working for THEM. What about having them call 911?

saggirl1125

Hi,
Sorry that you have to be dealing with this... I know the unwarranted guilt and torn feelings involved all too well. I actually just called the police and reported my ABF for drunk driving on Monday. We both have kids so I understand what its like to worry about them whether you are together or not... In my case, he is not allowed anywhere near my kids if he is drunk and we only have his on the weekend... I told his ex what was going on with his relapse so that she could act accordingly on her end with their kids. While I didn't have to call CPS, I did speak to his therapist and doctor and lawyer and him about him not having his son until he is stable to minimize the trauma for the kids. Luckily, I have been able to prevent my kids from seeing him drunk, but I have sat with a therapist and explained to them what alcoholism is and how nothing that happens has anything to do with them and that they are my main priority and how to start detaching from him in a healthy way incase he doesn't recover.

Maybe start with speaking to him or the kids mother to figure the best approach for the kids best interest? At least it will help your conscience to know that you at least tried and didn't sit idle

hopeful4

Unfortunately, if there is no mother, the kids will have to be empowered here. It does not happen overnight. They should have cell phones and immediately call 911 if he is drinking at all. If they are unwilling to do that, they need to call a trusted person and DO NOT get into the car with him under any circumstance.

I will not comment what I would do regarding CPS as I don't want to be an influence in that way. However, the kids have to have someone who will advocate for them. If his mom helps out some, would she be willing?

peaceofpi

I would call CPS. Personally, any time I know of a drunk driving or endangering a child, I will call CPS. Period. That's one of the only ways there can be a record if action needs to be taken. We adults can't expect kids to call 911. As an adult, knowing what I do about alcoholism, I feel I have an even more compelling obligation to call.

redatlanta

I too would call CPS. One might worry about it, and the ramifications, (although it would be confidential) but its more about the possibility of what can happen to those kids. He doesn't have the right to severely injure them, kill them, or anyone else for that matter because he drinks and drives.

Wouldn't bother with the threat......if he isn't interested in getting sober it will do no good. I doubt he would go anyway you'll just be giving him time to clean up his act and threaten the children if CPS shows.

Thomas45

I'd call CPS. That is definitely child endangerment.

lein

If CPS is anything like Social Services (SS) is in the UK, I would never in a million years call them, for the sake of the kids I wouldn't call them. They are older, so if they were given stratergies to protect themselves when their dad was drinking, they, with the help of an adult should be able to be kept safe. The "care" system is no place for children, it's full of neglect and abuse. Just my opinion