I'm back
Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
I'm back
Hey everyone- this will be long.
I'm back. I was here back in late summer/fall of 2014. I was successfully sober for 9 months. Then it just went out the window basically.
I was doing so well. I found my love for weight lifting and running. I felt great and was in the best shape of my life. Then when 2015 came around, I lost my health insurance- it was much needed for my bipolar medication. So I ended up going off my medication. I was fine until about late April. Then I flew off the handle. I went really manic. I broke up with my live in boyfriend and moved out. Thought to myself that no one will want to hang out with me or date me if I don't drink. Most of my friends were heavy drinkers at the time and I wanted to join to fit in. Met a great guy. But I spent the entire summer drunk. Lost tons of weight. I was so discouraged because I had worked so hard to build muscle and even contemplated entering a women's body building competition. But I just looked sickly thin.
Then came fall of 2015. I fell into a deep depression and continued drinking which made things worse. I frantically looked for a psychiatrist and finally found one in November. It was a bit too late. I had fought with my boyfriend (the new guy I had met in the summer) almost weekly. Bad fights because I would get drunk and freak out. He drinks, but definitely not a lot. I finally got on medication and in late December I was feeling a lot better. But I still kept drinking like a fool. Last week, I got very drunk and blacked out. I became physically combative to my boyfriend (so I'm told) and the cops were called. He didn't press charges and no one was hurt. He just held me down. Needless to say, that was the last day I drank.
My boyfriend has found it in his heart to forgive me for some crazy reason. We're going to take it slow. Regardless, I'm back on the sober wagon again and tomorrow will be day 8 sober. I already feel a lot better and finally can think properly. I'm excited to be sober again and know I can do it. I just know that if it gets down the line like it did before, I cannot go off my bipolar meds. That made me nutty and all rationale went out the window.
So I'm working at it one day at a time again and happy to be back.
Sorry for the crazy long post!
I'm back. I was here back in late summer/fall of 2014. I was successfully sober for 9 months. Then it just went out the window basically.
I was doing so well. I found my love for weight lifting and running. I felt great and was in the best shape of my life. Then when 2015 came around, I lost my health insurance- it was much needed for my bipolar medication. So I ended up going off my medication. I was fine until about late April. Then I flew off the handle. I went really manic. I broke up with my live in boyfriend and moved out. Thought to myself that no one will want to hang out with me or date me if I don't drink. Most of my friends were heavy drinkers at the time and I wanted to join to fit in. Met a great guy. But I spent the entire summer drunk. Lost tons of weight. I was so discouraged because I had worked so hard to build muscle and even contemplated entering a women's body building competition. But I just looked sickly thin.
Then came fall of 2015. I fell into a deep depression and continued drinking which made things worse. I frantically looked for a psychiatrist and finally found one in November. It was a bit too late. I had fought with my boyfriend (the new guy I had met in the summer) almost weekly. Bad fights because I would get drunk and freak out. He drinks, but definitely not a lot. I finally got on medication and in late December I was feeling a lot better. But I still kept drinking like a fool. Last week, I got very drunk and blacked out. I became physically combative to my boyfriend (so I'm told) and the cops were called. He didn't press charges and no one was hurt. He just held me down. Needless to say, that was the last day I drank.
My boyfriend has found it in his heart to forgive me for some crazy reason. We're going to take it slow. Regardless, I'm back on the sober wagon again and tomorrow will be day 8 sober. I already feel a lot better and finally can think properly. I'm excited to be sober again and know I can do it. I just know that if it gets down the line like it did before, I cannot go off my bipolar meds. That made me nutty and all rationale went out the window.
So I'm working at it one day at a time again and happy to be back.
Sorry for the crazy long post!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Lawrenceville, NJ
Posts: 103
Welcome back! I too just came back after a long hiatus of basically three years and your story is very relatable to mine. I've never been diagnosed as bipolar but I do take medication for anxiety/depression. I became violent and combative with a couple of my boyfriends as well couple of years ago when I was drunk and became enraged over suspicion of him cheating. To the point where I actually fractured my wrist. That is just one of the many reasons that I am back here again… I'm a binge drinker I don't know what your pattern has been, but I can't seem to control it anymore and I realize that it will only harm me in those around me if I continue. Keep up the good work and keep in touch!! You are not alone.
8 days sober is a good start to a better life. Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
Thank you everyone!
Recoveringaddict, yeah seems like our stories are similar. I started again binge drinking once a weekish... But it slowly got to drinking almost every evening. Usually 3-4 glasses of wine during the week and super binging on the weekend.
Very bad news. Now it terrifies me what could have potentially happened while blacked out. I know now that if I continued on my path, I would end up dead or hurting someone else.
We will stay sober!
Recoveringaddict, yeah seems like our stories are similar. I started again binge drinking once a weekish... But it slowly got to drinking almost every evening. Usually 3-4 glasses of wine during the week and super binging on the weekend.
Very bad news. Now it terrifies me what could have potentially happened while blacked out. I know now that if I continued on my path, I would end up dead or hurting someone else.
We will stay sober!
Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
Dee,
My recovery plan consists of writing in my journal daily (if not more often), continuing getting back to my exercise, coming here and I'm actually going to my first AA meeting Monday with a friend who has gotten sober as well. I also have a few select people who I've been speaking to specifically about everything and they have been and are willing to tolerate me if I call or text if/when I have a craving/weak point.
There is a little wrench thrown into the mix though. I was accepted into my top choice grad school. It's 12 hours away. I'm actually going there in a few weeks for a campus visit to meet everyone. Having dinner get together and what not. I'm a tad nervous about that but I know I will be fine. I've informed people that they will be getting texts if I feel the urge to drink. I'm sure I'm just being a little nervous and it'll be fine.
My recovery plan consists of writing in my journal daily (if not more often), continuing getting back to my exercise, coming here and I'm actually going to my first AA meeting Monday with a friend who has gotten sober as well. I also have a few select people who I've been speaking to specifically about everything and they have been and are willing to tolerate me if I call or text if/when I have a craving/weak point.
There is a little wrench thrown into the mix though. I was accepted into my top choice grad school. It's 12 hours away. I'm actually going there in a few weeks for a campus visit to meet everyone. Having dinner get together and what not. I'm a tad nervous about that but I know I will be fine. I've informed people that they will be getting texts if I feel the urge to drink. I'm sure I'm just being a little nervous and it'll be fine.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi Rosie, welcome back and congratulations on 8 days. Congratulations also on grad school. Do make sure you have those numbers on hand at all times.
I have to say, I am really angry on your behalf over the med situation. I am well aware that we all have to take the ultimate responsibility for our own actions and our decision to drink or not drink, but jeez, losing access to the meds certainly didn't help things, did it? I am really glad to hear that things are back on track there. You need a plan for your alcoholism, and part of that sounds like you need a plan to ensure that you are not left without your medication and the care of your psychiatrist again.
Again, welcome back.
I have to say, I am really angry on your behalf over the med situation. I am well aware that we all have to take the ultimate responsibility for our own actions and our decision to drink or not drink, but jeez, losing access to the meds certainly didn't help things, did it? I am really glad to hear that things are back on track there. You need a plan for your alcoholism, and part of that sounds like you need a plan to ensure that you are not left without your medication and the care of your psychiatrist again.
Again, welcome back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 66
Welcome back Rosie and it's good to hear you have a positive attitude. Relapse doesn't have to be seen as a negative. Hopefully you can learn some valuable lessons from your experience. It's taken me a few relapses to reach 14 months.
Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
Yeah the med situation was pretty ridiculous. I could go into a tangent about insurance issues!
Good thing is, I do have a psychiatrist here until I do move to grad school and then I'll get guaranteed insurance through my program for the next 5 years (or however long it takes me to graduate). So hopefully being able to stay with a doctor and meds on that issue will help me not make such rash decisions.
I'm committed to it this time! Thanks a lot everyone! :-)
Good thing is, I do have a psychiatrist here until I do move to grad school and then I'll get guaranteed insurance through my program for the next 5 years (or however long it takes me to graduate). So hopefully being able to stay with a doctor and meds on that issue will help me not make such rash decisions.
I'm committed to it this time! Thanks a lot everyone! :-)
I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. - Steve Vai
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 46
Welcome back Rosie!
Hopefully you've got health insurance once again. I know in the USA there are psychiatrists who will provide samples for a while and in some cases the pharmaceutical companies may offer reduced prices for people with no insurance/low income.
Alcoholism and mania are a double whammy as one must be alert to symptoms of either kind of relapse. The two are similar diseases in that a remission in either doesn't mean a cure.
Keep up the good work and you'll have the best of luck!
Hopefully you've got health insurance once again. I know in the USA there are psychiatrists who will provide samples for a while and in some cases the pharmaceutical companies may offer reduced prices for people with no insurance/low income.
Alcoholism and mania are a double whammy as one must be alert to symptoms of either kind of relapse. The two are similar diseases in that a remission in either doesn't mean a cure.
Keep up the good work and you'll have the best of luck!
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