Tosca

I am married to a Pot head. It has become a serious source of conflict between us. When we met we both smoked a lot. Within the last 6 months I have gone from daily to once a month maybe.
I dont want us to be high all the time. When she has it, it is harder for me to resist and it makes me feel lonely. I hate it when she is high. Her eyes are dead, her energy is gone, and it triggers some anger deep inside of me. She smokes it daily unless she cant get any. We have talked, argued, and yelled about this over and over. She has admitted that she is addicted and how she would like to structure her life without needing to smoke. She says she cant slow her thought process down with out it.
One of the ideas to deal with the problem was to go to the gym together. We had planned to go to the gym yesterday after work and when I got home the apt. smelled like pot and her eyes were glazed over and red. I ended up getting mad and going to the gym by myself. Why is she getting high to go to the gym. I want the sparkle in her eye, her energy, and I am tired of fighting about it. Am I being silly, not understanding, a hypocrite?
Please give me some feedback I am going nuts and I refuse to let pot ruin our relationship.

Moontime

My girlfriend used to ask something similar, that real hard question, that I couldn't answer. It was "what the bleep is wrong with you?" Since then I've been diagnosed with the disease of addiction. Sounds like she's an addict and it's making her life unmanageable. It sounds like it's even affecting your life.
The most you can do is support her, but it's a decision ultimately she will need do for herself. Have you thought about the Nar-Anon forum, or attending a Nar-Anon meeting? We don't have Nar-Anon in my area, but significant others attend Al-Anon.

Richie

I smoked pot for many years and basically had to get high before ANYTHING I did!Many times I tried to quit but could not.I finally had to break contact with all my friends and aquaintences who smoked it or dealt it.I had to seperate myself completely from that group of people,which included practically everyone I associated with.I may be a little lonely right now, but I can't risk the temptation.And now after over two weeks without it I'm starting to get my life together again in a new light.Each new day is a challenge I have to face without my old crutch!For some of us there is no such thing as occasional use.Its either all or nothing.Perhaps your wife needs to stop alltogether, and you may too for her benefit.Good luck!

Tosca

thanks for those replies. Richie I hope you are able to re unite with some of your friends down the rode. It will help them to see how being sober can change someone’s life.

Moontime your right we should go to meetings. But she is not ready to. She told me that she will not "go to a meeting where people sit around and talk about there problems". <-- denial?

It has definitely affected my life in a big way! I cant tell you how much head noise I get from this issue. what gets me too is if I am "the most important thing in her life" why does she continue? why does she say bla blah blah or I dont want to talk about it?

One thing I have figured out is that I have stop all together as well. What gets me is its not only my wife but so many of my old friends. They are functioning but man, for intelligent people these people are really not living up to what they could be. I dont want to sound cliche but damn.
Thanks for listening to my rant.

Live

Tosca, no offense meant here, but I don't think moontime meant we should go to meetings, I think what was meant was you should go to meetings.
It helps.

lonlion

Tosca; Many people didn't believe I would have to go into a treatment program for pot. They just didn't associate pot with the hard core drugs, and thought it was harmless.
It destroyed my life though. Started smoking more and more,a nd when I lost my job, I decided to be a stay at home pot head. It got progressively worse as does all addictions. My ex and I smoked together, and if it wasn't for his recent heart attack I am sure he would still be smoking. She is choosing being stoned over activities and life in general. Been there.
I want to address what you said about her slowing her thought process down. I also had racing thoughts when I quit. It took me about 2 weeks to finally be able to sleep at night. I drove myself crazy. I would dwell/obsess on things over and over. If she would ever want to email me, I wouldn't mind if she was open to it. My email address is [email protected]
All the best

sherbear5104

Tosca,

Welcome to SoberRecovery. I see you have met a few people with words of wisdom. I used to be like your wife. I couldn't do anything without getting stoned, or drunk, or high off something else. You ask, If you are the most important thing in her life, why would she want to get high? Well, an addict is someone who lives to use, and uses to live. She knows no other way. I agree with Moontime that YOU should go to nar-anon or al-anon. There are people there who can tell you how they made it through a loved one putting using over everything dear to them. Keep posting and check out the nar-anon/al-anon forum here.

Sherry