Day 3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Durham
Posts: 10
Day 3
I decided to stop with the binge drinking and it seems the best way to start that is by not starting to drink at all.
Tonight I go to an event in a bar. It's a theater event and I'm part of rebuilding the theater, a playwrite, an actress, and the one who informed everyone about it. And we are a very small community, so get live theater about 4 times a year with our group performing 3 of those times.
My husband is going to the cigar bar at 4 pm, when I pick up our children. Our best friends own the bar. Neither of them drinks, so that is helpful for me except they've not done so their whole lives, I guess, and so it's not a new thing for them. I won't be going.
I will get the kids doing homework and figure out dinner for them. Then I will go join him for the theater production. Or he'll come home and we will go together.
I want to commit to day 3 turning into day 4, not back to day 1.
I've not missed drinking that much. It's definitely psychological more than physical. Except that I don't stop at one. If I don't have that one, which isn't so hard, then all is well. It is that when I have one, more often than not I go on to 5. The only time I don't is if I had 5 to 6 the night before, then it is simple to abstain the next day or I can have one and be done. Is that because I do have a thirst for alcohol and my body still has it running about inside it so isn't wanting it? Does that mean that if I did one drink a day then I could limit myself instead of what I do which is 5 drinks one day then nothing the next. All these questions. All these doubts. All this half assed commitment.
So that is me and where I am at this point.
Hello.
Tonight I go to an event in a bar. It's a theater event and I'm part of rebuilding the theater, a playwrite, an actress, and the one who informed everyone about it. And we are a very small community, so get live theater about 4 times a year with our group performing 3 of those times.
My husband is going to the cigar bar at 4 pm, when I pick up our children. Our best friends own the bar. Neither of them drinks, so that is helpful for me except they've not done so their whole lives, I guess, and so it's not a new thing for them. I won't be going.
I will get the kids doing homework and figure out dinner for them. Then I will go join him for the theater production. Or he'll come home and we will go together.
I want to commit to day 3 turning into day 4, not back to day 1.
I've not missed drinking that much. It's definitely psychological more than physical. Except that I don't stop at one. If I don't have that one, which isn't so hard, then all is well. It is that when I have one, more often than not I go on to 5. The only time I don't is if I had 5 to 6 the night before, then it is simple to abstain the next day or I can have one and be done. Is that because I do have a thirst for alcohol and my body still has it running about inside it so isn't wanting it? Does that mean that if I did one drink a day then I could limit myself instead of what I do which is 5 drinks one day then nothing the next. All these questions. All these doubts. All this half assed commitment.
So that is me and where I am at this point.
Hello.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. I don't know what prompted you to come here, to commit to not drinking. But attending what looks like a "drinking" event in a bar is tough. My advice would be to not go. Even if you get through the event, it is possible you will be so pleased with your not drinking that you will decide you don't have a problem and will drink.
I know, I know...you have to go. Well, since you said the problem is the first drink, don't drink it. Then, when you get home sober, count your blessings that it went the way you had hoped it would, and don't try to compromise with your addiction that it is okay to drink.
And if it doesn't go as planned, and you drink, start thinking about the changes you are going to have to make in your life to support your decision to quit drinking and start implementing those changes.
I know, I know...you have to go. Well, since you said the problem is the first drink, don't drink it. Then, when you get home sober, count your blessings that it went the way you had hoped it would, and don't try to compromise with your addiction that it is okay to drink.
And if it doesn't go as planned, and you drink, start thinking about the changes you are going to have to make in your life to support your decision to quit drinking and start implementing those changes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Durham
Posts: 10
My road right now is cutting down. Which to me means no more than 2 drinks in a day. Not 2 per location. Not 2 per event. But 2. However, I am going into tonight with the plan to not have any. Thanks for your words.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Galway
Posts: 25
If that was me in your situation I would drive to the theatre so I couldn't drink. Then I would get someone to call me after about an hour and 30 minutes. Maybe one if your kids asking for help with homework that has to get done for tomorrow.
I have missed countless life events because of the fear of getting drunk.
I have to put a lot of planning into not drinking when I'm out. I usually get home and open a bottle straight away anyways!
But I'm on day 1 and looking forward to my new lifestyle.
Good luck
I have missed countless life events because of the fear of getting drunk.
I have to put a lot of planning into not drinking when I'm out. I usually get home and open a bottle straight away anyways!
But I'm on day 1 and looking forward to my new lifestyle.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Durham
Posts: 10
Penelopepitstop
My husband will get home and we will go together. It's a bar restaurant. My friends are not heavy drinkers. We will be watching a one man show about Thomas Edison. I will go home when it is over. Just getting through that hour and a half will take some work but I'm going to do it.
It does not help at all that I came home to my puppies having chewed a hole into my two month old dining room chair. I designed the chairs and had them made to my specs with material I selected that I may or may not be able to get again as I live in Guatemala and when they run out, they're out. Just a touch of stress. Doesn't make it easy though.
My husband will get home and we will go together. It's a bar restaurant. My friends are not heavy drinkers. We will be watching a one man show about Thomas Edison. I will go home when it is over. Just getting through that hour and a half will take some work but I'm going to do it.
It does not help at all that I came home to my puppies having chewed a hole into my two month old dining room chair. I designed the chairs and had them made to my specs with material I selected that I may or may not be able to get again as I live in Guatemala and when they run out, they're out. Just a touch of stress. Doesn't make it easy though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Hi mcat. Welcome. I'm not sure how you're going to limit yourself to 2 drinks when, by your own admission, 1 drink leads to 5? (Not judging you btw).
You'll hear a lot of stories about unsuccessful moderation. I'm certainly in that boat. I thought I could. And then when I went back to drink my new "limit" I actually ended up drinking MORE than I wanted. I had to come to terms with the fact that I have a problem that can only be solved through abstinence.
Stick around, there's a lot of good advice here. Wishing you the best!
You'll hear a lot of stories about unsuccessful moderation. I'm certainly in that boat. I thought I could. And then when I went back to drink my new "limit" I actually ended up drinking MORE than I wanted. I had to come to terms with the fact that I have a problem that can only be solved through abstinence.
Stick around, there's a lot of good advice here. Wishing you the best!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Mcat2016 
Not sure your eating popcorn and waiting for me to fail is particularly helpful.
Here's what I think. You've come to a site called sober recovery, whose goal is to help others reach and maintain abstinence from their drug of choice. In your case, alcohol.
You open your post saying, "I decided to stop with the binge drinking and it seems the best way to start that is by not starting to drink at all. "
not starting to drink at all. Abstinence. But by your second post, you've already compromised and decided moderation, no more than two drinks a day, was your goal.
I don't wish you to fail. But if you are the kind of drinker I was, especially when it came to moderation, you will fail.
Maybe you won't. Perhaps you've never tried moderation before, never tried to control your drinking. So you want to try before you give up alcohol for good. I can only repeat the words that were spoken to me when I first got here.
If you have to control it, it's already out of control.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Welcome!
I would not go to a drinking event in the first few days of sobriety. I tried and for me, it didn't work. I do hope you get through the night. For me, I would get through the night and then rush out the next morning for wine.
I'm also a bit unsure what you mean by saying one drink is not enough, but you intend to stop at 2. In my experience that routine is SO much harder than not drinking at all, SO much harder. Moderation is impossible for alcoholics.
I would not go to a drinking event in the first few days of sobriety. I tried and for me, it didn't work. I do hope you get through the night. For me, I would get through the night and then rush out the next morning for wine.
I'm also a bit unsure what you mean by saying one drink is not enough, but you intend to stop at 2. In my experience that routine is SO much harder than not drinking at all, SO much harder. Moderation is impossible for alcoholics.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Durham
Posts: 10
I had nothing to drink but lemonade last night. Then had lunch today with friends and had coffee. Then went to a little outdoor place where 5 friends were having drinks and declined a drink. I don't drink things I don't like. I just tend to drink too much of things I do. And it got to be a habit. And one that I wasn't interested in changing despite it having a negative impact on my marriage and making me foggy in the mornings. Now I am interested in making a change as my marriage is more important and my being more there all the time rather than most of the time is important. Thanks for being supportive.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Mcat and welcome to SR 
A lot of us have trying limiting the days we drink or the hours we drink or the type of liquor we drink. I tried all those things and more and pretty much wasted 20 years on it.
I know it's hard to relate when it seems like you still have a measure of control over how much you drink, but I was there too once.
Step carefully and be smarter than I was
D
A lot of us have trying limiting the days we drink or the hours we drink or the type of liquor we drink. I tried all those things and more and pretty much wasted 20 years on it.
I know it's hard to relate when it seems like you still have a measure of control over how much you drink, but I was there too once.
Step carefully and be smarter than I was
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Durham
Posts: 10
Soberwolf. The question you pose is a good one. I will think about it. I don't have an answer beyond I've always been around social drinking and it is currently part of the social life we have and I am going to have to evaluate that very seriously, I think, and haven't really done so, yet. I have non drinking friends. We get together and have dinner and parties and lunches and coffee and playdates. I am going to reach out to them more. I will make more plans with them than I have in the past. I think that is a good place for me to start. Then if I find that being out with my drinking friends is more of a problem and creates bad situations and pressure, then I will have in place support so I don't end up feeling super lonely and sorry for myself. I appreciate your posing that questions and making me look at reasons behind my thoughts.
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