Contacted the Sheriff
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Contacted the Sheriff
Couple things I'd like to share with you guys. First, (this has nothing to do with title), I went to my Dr. yesterday to discuss my oxycodone taper. Went well, but I left with her not putting any restrictions on me at all. She trusts me to taper on my own and if I run into unmanageable pain while tapering down, I will have extras to get me by until a next refill period. Here it doesn't matter what the Dr. writes, the pharmacy will absolutely not refill until the refill date. So she wrote the prescription in a manner where that wouldn't happen.
Now, regarding my alcoholic BIL, he did some things while we were in California that I found unacceptable. Without going into detail he treated me like he owned the house and I was the renter, not the other way around. I did not say anything while out there as I didn't want to cause a scene. So I emailed him that what he did took balls and to keep in mind, it is MY house, not his. Trust me, what he did was very wrong. He responded via email by telling me to go eff myself. I then responded by email and told him that I contacted the Sheriff (which I did) and told him if he ever told me to eff off again I was going to have him escorted off the property and he would have 30 days to get his personal belongings out of there, including his business which he runs out of one building. It would be a major move as he is a general contractor and has vehicles, tools, materials etc....his response was for me to "get help", like I need psychological help. I didn't respond. Anyway, was I wrong in doing this?
Now, regarding my alcoholic BIL, he did some things while we were in California that I found unacceptable. Without going into detail he treated me like he owned the house and I was the renter, not the other way around. I did not say anything while out there as I didn't want to cause a scene. So I emailed him that what he did took balls and to keep in mind, it is MY house, not his. Trust me, what he did was very wrong. He responded via email by telling me to go eff myself. I then responded by email and told him that I contacted the Sheriff (which I did) and told him if he ever told me to eff off again I was going to have him escorted off the property and he would have 30 days to get his personal belongings out of there, including his business which he runs out of one building. It would be a major move as he is a general contractor and has vehicles, tools, materials etc....his response was for me to "get help", like I need psychological help. I didn't respond. Anyway, was I wrong in doing this?
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Renters in California have all the rights. Prepare to lawyer up and go through eviction proceedings if that is what you really want. Sorry to bear bad news. I'm pretty sure the sheriff won't evict a tenant without a court order.
But maybe you should step back and sleep on it and think about what's driving this and if it's really worth it?
But maybe you should step back and sleep on it and think about what's driving this and if it's really worth it?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Fluffer 
Renters in California have all the rights. Prepare to lawyer up and go through eviction proceedings if that is what you really want. Sorry to bear bad news. I'm pretty sure the sheriff won't evict a tenant without a court order.
But maybe you should step back and sleep on it and think about what's driving this and if it's really worth it?
But maybe you should step back and sleep on it and think about what's driving this and if it's really worth it?
My main point is that no one is going to tell me what to do in my own house. We own the one he is renting as well, but this didn't occur in the one he is renting.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
This certainly sounds annoying! I'm a landlord in New York and the laws pertaining to tenants' rights differ from state to state and are influenced by things like whether the tenant is a relative, whether the owner lives in the property, etc. and so on.
Perhaps a quick call to an attorney is in order to make sure you have all the facts you need to choose the best course of action going forward.
Good luck, and regarding the taper, if you were hoping your doctor would give you some guidelines, can you call her back and ask?
Perhaps a quick call to an attorney is in order to make sure you have all the facts you need to choose the best course of action going forward.
Good luck, and regarding the taper, if you were hoping your doctor would give you some guidelines, can you call her back and ask?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
At the end of the day, I guess I was baffled by his behavior and how he got away with bullying everyone out there (primarily family members). I wanted to assure him that he will not bully me. Then again, like my wife says, he is a very sick person in the throws of alcoholism. I agree, but that does not give him a pass.
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Maybe the best thing would be to sit down with a rental agreement that explicitly states what you find acceptable to avoid anything like this escalating. It's enough of a headache without dealing with it on a taper. My goal is always to deal with a problem before it arises, that way, I can have more control over the outcome.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
My main point is that no one is going to tell me what to do in my own house.
If he's living there as a tenant and has some of rental agreement, however informal, I doubt things are as simple as it being 'your house'.
I wanted to assure him that he will not bully me
This is another of those situations which may cause you a lot of angst with minimal satisfaction.
BIL or not, you may find things easier to just evict the guy, if there's legal grounds....
or hand the property over to a property manager and operate under a legal codified lease.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by thomas11
I said what I had to say to him, I have no plans to take any action at this point. As far as the rental agreement, its very informal. I don't think either one of us has much legal ground to stand on to be honest.
My main point is that no one is going to tell me what to do in my own house. We own the one he is renting as well, but this didn't occur in the one he is renting.
My main point is that no one is going to tell me what to do in my own house. We own the one he is renting as well, but this didn't occur in the one he is renting.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I agree that we would need more information to give you an opinion.
As for having him thrown out, you would have to check into the laws of that state. Even if it is an informal verbal agreement he probably has certain rights.
You may want to talk to a lawyer, it might be in your best interest to have some sort of written agreement.
Good luck with the tapering, I know that every time I tried to taper off the addiction got the best of me. If I had pills, I was taking them.
As for having him thrown out, you would have to check into the laws of that state. Even if it is an informal verbal agreement he probably has certain rights.
You may want to talk to a lawyer, it might be in your best interest to have some sort of written agreement.
Good luck with the tapering, I know that every time I tried to taper off the addiction got the best of me. If I had pills, I was taking them.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
"How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it."
--Marcus Aurelius
Sorry about the pretentious quote from classical Rome. But maybe it would be better to cool off on this one?
--Marcus Aurelius
Sorry about the pretentious quote from classical Rome. But maybe it would be better to cool off on this one?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Wow Jeff. Do you think this will help your relationship with him? Did you think this over?
Maybe have the conversation while out there. Doing it over email seems inconsiderate because your are threatening to evict him.
It just seems maybe you could have handled this better. I am sure he is upset and your upset. Like pouring gas on a fire now.
I have heard that California laws make it hard to evict someone.
Just another perspective. No one has the right to be a jerk to family members or bully others.
Maybe have the conversation while out there. Doing it over email seems inconsiderate because your are threatening to evict him.
It just seems maybe you could have handled this better. I am sure he is upset and your upset. Like pouring gas on a fire now.
I have heard that California laws make it hard to evict someone.
Just another perspective. No one has the right to be a jerk to family members or bully others.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Were one or both of you drinking? Was his behavior annoying when you all were sober? If he was drinking or drunk, well, you know, behaviors can be agressive unintentionally. Now that you have some time and distance, can you see his side of the original altercation? Mixing business with relatives sometimes is too complex.
Besides all that...did you have a good time on vacation? Are you all geared up for the next stage of your sobriety journey? How long will your taper take? Let us know how it goes.
Besides all that...did you have a good time on vacation? Are you all geared up for the next stage of your sobriety journey? How long will your taper take? Let us know how it goes.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Jeff, depends on what your looking to do moving forward, if he's still going to be living there and you guys are just gonna move on from this, then I wouldn't get too frustrated over the whole thing, whereas if it's something you want to prevent in the future, hammering out an agreement of some sort may be a good idea.
Either way, don't get distracted from your Sobriety!!
Either way, don't get distracted from your Sobriety!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
California landlord here and am sure you know the law is normally on the side of the tenant as far as eviction proceedings. Can be a lengthy process. Without knowing what he did other than tell you what to do in your own house, it's hard to say what course you should take ethically or legally.
Regarding the oxy, haven't you been on it 8 months or so? I thought the taper process was planned to be over by now? It's concerning that the physician has now written it with no restrictions. Frankly with your history of addiction, or mine, or many of us here, that is a red flag. Does the physician know your complete history of substance abuse?
Regarding the oxy, haven't you been on it 8 months or so? I thought the taper process was planned to be over by now? It's concerning that the physician has now written it with no restrictions. Frankly with your history of addiction, or mine, or many of us here, that is a red flag. Does the physician know your complete history of substance abuse?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
I wouldn't threaten that if I don't plan to follow through (you said you weren't planning on acting on it). I'm sure that you will have another problem with him in the future so don't set yourself up. It's like you are trying to show your power over him since you own the house but he does have rights since you guys have a lease, even if it is informal.
I hope your taper goes well and that it happens sooner rather than later. That stuff is nasty and dangerous!!!
I wouldn't threaten that if I don't plan to follow through (you said you weren't planning on acting on it). I'm sure that you will have another problem with him in the future so don't set yourself up. It's like you are trying to show your power over him since you own the house but he does have rights since you guys have a lease, even if it is informal.
I hope your taper goes well and that it happens sooner rather than later. That stuff is nasty and dangerous!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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I kind of just want to drop the subject of my BIL, the relationship won't be the same, but hasn't been since I quit drinking. We are 1800 miles apart and have no need to interact with each other. I'll let my wife deal with her brother.
Regarding the taper, for quite some time I was very scared of it. I've been through withdrawals (alcohol, ambien) before and it was really bad. But I'm prepared mentally, and have the support of my Doctor to continue as needed. That takes some of the stress out of it. Last thing, I had all these grand plans when I got back last week, and both my wife and I got sicker than dogs. She was sick last week, and I caught it starting yesterday. Good lord I feel like sh*t. Granted, its just a cold, but hate being sick....and I'm sick.
Regarding the taper, for quite some time I was very scared of it. I've been through withdrawals (alcohol, ambien) before and it was really bad. But I'm prepared mentally, and have the support of my Doctor to continue as needed. That takes some of the stress out of it. Last thing, I had all these grand plans when I got back last week, and both my wife and I got sicker than dogs. She was sick last week, and I caught it starting yesterday. Good lord I feel like sh*t. Granted, its just a cold, but hate being sick....and I'm sick.
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