GerdMuller

I'd just like to share a story with you.

I was on the way to long term sobrietary back at the beginning of November. Then on the way to pick up an Indian the AV just caught me unawares and said, "you feel great. Have one beer, you deserve it" the usual **** I'd heard before and usually would combat in some way, but for some reason that night I just let it seduce me.

You all know the rest...

I'm not a daily drinker but went straight back into the habit of getting blackout drunk twice a week, this time though a mate of mine got me the number for a Coke dealer, and I know this is a drinking forum, but that was a catalyst for things to progress.

It culminated in me going out for "a couple" with my mates on the night before NYE, we were going to a family party so I was under orders not to get battered. I promised myself I would, my AV just secretly rubbed it's hands with glee. I stayed up all that night drinking beer and snorting, I had to meet my kids at the ice rink the day after and I got through that pretending I wasn't drunk and snorting more.

I got home and had the party in a few hours and desperately needed sleep, but couldn't close my eyes due to the cocaine in my system. So my master plan was to drive to the shop for "some razors", whilst there I bought two bottles of wine, opened one back in my car in the car park (it was pouring with rain and I figured no one could see in the car), then poured it into a litre bottle of water. I then downed that on the drive home. After that I got some shut eye, well I passed out in the living room.

The point of this story is that it was took no effort on my part to go from completely clean, sober and happy - to that f**king idiot a week or so ago who could have seriously killed someone. I was on autopilot and if I hadn't have got back on my plan and started posting here again in Jan 1st God knows what state of be in.

That first drink - avoid and hate it with a passion.

Thanks for listening X

Dee74

Thanks for sharing that Gerd - sounds scary. I'm glad you're back.

and - for the record - Newcomers forum is for everyone at SR - it's not just a drinkers forum

D

D122y

Gerd,

Great that you are back on board the sober train.

I totally relate.

As I have healed , 8 months clean, the AV is there..... You should get drunk..... One night won't change you...

But, I rationalize...why...why alter my brain with booze? My brain is already jacked up from booze. Why ever drink again? I never want my reality altered again.

The euphoria lasts such a short time...then I am stumbling, slurring, red eyed...hung over, dehydrated, weak, anxiety ridden...etc etc..

For what...a few minutes of euphoric stupor....being drunk....

Doesn't make a bit of sense...right?

I have been reading and posting more to help battle this primal stupidity. It was looming strong this first clean holiday season. As you know.

Dealing w life clean and sober is the right way to go.

Thanks for posting.

Shantilove

Thank you for sharing. That sounds very scary. I'm happy to hear that you are ok and that you are back on track now. I'm sure you learned some valuable lessons in regard to your AV.
You can do it!

thomas11

I'm with Dee, thanks for sharing that, and that indeed sounds scary as hell. glad your back.

Delilah1

I'm glad you are ok!

SillyHuman

What a powerful post, Gerd. I am glad you are here.

ChickChick

I'm also glad you are ok. Scary stuff. Stick close to SR! Thanks for sharing.

sva777

Thanks for sharing, it really is scary how quickly we can go right back to out if control drinking.

Jsbodhi

Hi!
Welcome back xoxo
Stay away from the cocaine, I did it recreationally and just stopped easy breezy one day a few years ago ( thankfully)- but a couple of my old friends are hooked on it solid now and its really bad!!

Anna

It's good to see you back.

desertsong

That's some scary stuff, Gerd. I can so relate. No matter how many times I got sober and felt great, that voice was always whispering (sometimes screaming) in my head that I would be just fine if I only "had a couple." It always ended up the same, but I would go back there again and again.

I finally came to the realization that it isn't the 5th or 6th or 12th drink that does me in ... it's the first. If I don't take it, then I don't get back on the runaway train.

GerdMuller

Thanks for your support. 9 days strong at the moment, but it will get tougher the better I feel if I start letting my guard down.

It's a great comfort posting here, I can't describe how much it helps

SoberLife90

Nice to see you back. Wow that story sounds terrible. Reminds me to work hard today so I don't ever go back to doing that stuff. That is pure craziness!

Soberwolf

Congrats Gerd