Steve3929

So I am sure I am not doing anything proper here, but my goal isn't to be a completely sober dude. I just want to be normal. I see so many people able to have just 1 drink. Or, the crazy ones...leaving some left in the glass. I can't do that. 1=2=15. It happened so fast. Never saw it coming. But day 4 with nothing. Longest in years. Maybe it will continue.

Dee74

I see so many of them too Steve - but I gotta say the best thing I ever did was realise and accept I couldn't be like them, ever.

My relationship with alcohol was toxic - I could never have just one drink.

I wish you the best at what you're trying to do, but don't waste 20 years on trying to be that one drink guy like I did.

Life got incredibly better when I accepted my problem and gave up alcohol.

D

Steve3929

20 years trying? Ouch. Did you have some preliminary success? It's always a fun conversation with the doctor. When they ask about alcohol consumption, "I'm an eb and flow kind of guy. Usually average less than 14/week". Which let's face it is a bald face lie and I'm sure they can tell from the blood test we lie.

Jecrois2016

I think we all joined this site because we know that we have no control once we have that one drink. Once you can accept that, the mountain becomes a molehill.

Steve3929

Could you give some insight in your prior attempts at being a "normal drinker"?

I've read a lot and there is insight on the old "abstinence is the only way" being a bit tight. I badly want it to be an ability of mine.

Jecrois2016

Sure, it was about a 15 year career of making a fool of myself, ruining my health, my looks, my mind, self esteem, credit, credibility, relationships, jobs ......I could go on and on. The ups and downs of binges, scaring myself, moderating, stopping and starting again once I felt better and the constant thought that I could moderate. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Every attempt to moderate proved worse and more embarrassing than the last. The amount and frequency increased each time. Withdrawals got worse, kindling set in. I couldn't sleep, think or find one thing to be happy about. I was constantly depressed, bloated, full of anxiety and thinking about my next drink.
That was my "normal drinking".

Those days are OVER!

Steve3929

Wow. Just Wow. Thank you

JD

Why would anyone want to be a normal drinker? That's one or if you're male, two drinks in a day. Why bother with that? I'd rather not drink than be a normal drinker.

FormerWineGirl

Hi Steve, welcome to the forum. Like many, I tried to moderate for years with no success.

According to what I have read, moderation may be successful for some people prior to an established pattern of alcohol abuse. Unfortunately this means that for most people, by the time they realize there is a problem, they have already established an abuse pattern. Of course this is just a school of thought, so to speak. If you subscribe to this theory, which does make sense, most people will be past their "window of opportunity" to moderate.

All I can say for certain is that moderation didn't work for me.

Hevyn

Great to have you join us, Steve!

I wanted more than anything to be a normal drinker too. I almost lost my life trying to use willpower to moderate. Take Jecrois's experience and add 15 more yrs. to it. Almost identical to mine - oh, and throw in a couple of DUI's.

We are glad you're here to take a hard look at what drinking is doing to your life.

SoberinSyracuse

Hey. I spent two decades trying to be "normal." I'd quit for a couple weeks or a month, then go back. Usually worse than before. How the heck is that "normal?"

If you're not normal, you can't become normal. Give that up. And if you're not normal, drinking will get worse until you quit.

So, roll on with your four days. Are you working up a plan for how to make this a permanent thing?

ALinNS

I am not sure any of the powers that be have figured out why in some brains one or two is enough and the person can stop vs someone like me that is a 1 is to many and 24 is not enough.

We have to be mindful of ourselves and what our track record is, I know in my own case I just do not have the power to stop unless I get professional help, in the mean time I am hurting myself and those around me, because once I started in the past it was full out for two weeks to sometimes a month. Alcohol renders me useless in life, I don't even walk my dog....pretty sad.

So they are out there, those that can control, when I look at Andrew he is not one of them and personally I have no desire to drink again, not in my dreams or in my daily thoughts, it's taken enough from me.

All the best in your journey.

Dee74

Not sure what you mean by preliminary success Steve? Did I manage to cut back do you mean?

I was a binge drinker to begin with , so... no.

I look back now and I really wasn't trying to drink normally at all...

I had a yearning to be able to drink my fill and not have bad consequences, which is something quite different.

I thought if I stopped for a while I might wake up one day a normal drinker. I never did.

I can literally count the number of times I 'drank like a gentleman' - and was satisfied with that - on one hand.

D

fini

love the contradiction in your post, Steve: you don't want to be completely sober, yet know that 1=15 for you.

hm, i don't think i've ever quoted from the Big Blue Bad Book, but it might strike a chord with you.
or not.



Chapter 3


MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM


Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

Delilah1

I am finishing up day four with you, I have been here trying numerous times, and I am determined to make this one stick. As for moderation, I have tried it, however, I become too busy obsessing over how much I can/should drink.

Glad to have you here. :-)

countrygirl2014

You are doing great. I, too, have often wondered what it's like to be a normal drinker. I have accepted that I have an allergy to alcohol. I can't have it. Some people can't have peanuts. I happen to be a normal peanut eater. Does that make sense?

Jennifer

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 4 Steve!! :scoregoood

I'm not sure though if your goal is achievable, to be normal, for me it wasn't, I couldn't have 1 or 2 drinks, so how was I ever going to be normal? my mind was already hardwired and in all the years I tried to moderate I failed to rewire it.

It was like putting a square peg into a round hole, not something that could be attained!!

Great to have you with us though!!

Cheeil1981

Think I'm a lot the same. I woke up this morning with issues about my family going round in my head and I just couldn't help but open the bottle. Telling myself just a couple to take the edge off it...

least

I tried to be a normal drinker too, with no success. It was easier for me to stop drinking entirely than to try to moderate. And waking up feeling good never gets old.

Hawkeye13

Just a couple of drinks didn't even give me a buzz
What's the point?

Like others, moderation was a dream that became a nightmare over the years.
I already abused alcohol (like you) and you can't make a pickle
back into a cucumber no matter how hard you wish for it